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Original poster

would i be wrong to find a sperm doner

15 replies

daisysmummy · 10/01/2009 16:12

i have really wanted another baby 4 a few years now i had a mc few months ago (was preg due to rape) since this my want 4 a baby is so much stronger i am debating a sperm doner just wanted to see what others thought i am already a single mum to a lovely 4 year old daughter i know the best thing is to settle down and find someone first but that is easier said than done my past was not to good alot of abuse etc now when it comes to relationships no matter how hard i try its like a wall comes up not to let anyone close its all getting me down at the mo cant think what to do 4 the best 4 me and the kid/kids

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OHBollox · 10/01/2009 16:17

Hmmm I think you have so much else in your life to deal with, the rape and abuse before ouy have another baby by whatever means.
Having a partner to share the whole parent hood experience with is so much more rewarding even if it's a friend who stays a friend.
My honest opinion though is where possible every child has the right to two parents, if you can make that happen everyone would be better off, including you.

SenoraPostrophe · 10/01/2009 16:17

how old are you

Original poster
daisysmummy · 10/01/2009 16:18

im 27

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 10/01/2009 16:19

but anyway, I think if serious emotional problems are what's stoing your from having a relationship, then it really would be a good idea to try to sort them out before you have another baby

SenoraPostrophe · 10/01/2009 16:19

27 is very young yet. you've got lots of time.

piscesmoon · 10/01/2009 16:34

I think that you need some help for you, to sort out your past and find a way to help you in future relationships. It wouldn't be a good idea to have another child, without a partner, until you are emotionally stronger.
You are very young and have lots of time.

Earlybird · 10/01/2009 16:54

How do you support yourself financially now, and how would you cope with another child?

What real life practical support do you have?

SwedesInACape · 10/01/2009 16:55

Will you be having it with chilli sauce?

piscesmoon · 10/01/2009 17:11

I perhaps seem a bit unsympathetic. I have been in the position of having one child and no partner for a second. I really wanted another baby and sibling for my DS, however I didn't think it fair on a baby-their needs came before mine. You have a baby for a very sort time and then you have to explain your actions-your DC may not agree with your choices. I think counselling would be a good idea.

Original poster
daisysmummy · 10/01/2009 19:03

SwedesInACape y are u tasking the piss i was asking for advice and support not for people to think its a joke to take the piss out of im not about to go out and do it yes i know i need to be more stable i am happy on my own with my daughter we are fine this is the exact reason why i bottle my feelings coz when i say how i feel people just think its funny i dont it hunts thanks 4 the advice the people that were actually being serious

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Issy42 · 10/01/2009 19:37

You may get more supportive responses here. You are obviously a strong woman to have survived the things in your past, so I'm sure you would manage perfectly well with another child. Yes, for most people more time to get over the rape and miscarriage would be required, but you will have already dealt with many of the issues getting over your child abuse. You are a much stronger woman than many here telling you you may not cope - only you can know that. If you do go for donor insemination you will have to have counselling before you can go ahead. Be aware though that costs can be very high and as a single woman you will be very unlikely to get NHS funding. Good luck.

SwedesInACape · 10/01/2009 20:17

Sorry. I was being childish. Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope you get the advice and support you need.

Earlybird · 10/01/2009 20:24

There are (at least) two major considerations: the desire for another child, and how you will manage day to day. Both need to be considered.

So, I repeat my post below:

How do you support yourself financially now, and how would you cope with another child?

What real life practical support do you have?

noonki · 10/01/2009 20:45

Hi daisy
so sorry that you have had such a rough time of it/

do you think that the reason you want a child is because, though you had a termination (for very understandable reasons) you haven't come to terms with the rape or the termination?

If you think it is a yes to either of those I would wait. You are still young and have years to have more children. You may meet mr wonderful in the next few years and could have waited and not gone through some of the complications that can arise from having a child through a sperm donor.

If you don't meet anyone you can then consider your options again.

Hope you are ok

ps swedes was taking the mick because in your thread title you said doner (as in Kebab) instead of DOnor.

as I am one of the worst typers in the world you have my sympathies

Original poster
daisysmummy · 10/01/2009 23:54

i didn't have a termination i had a miscarriage financially were not loaded but my daughter never wants for nothing she is loved and has everything she could possibly need or want i don't have much family support but have support from friends i can understand what u r all saying and thank you

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