My sadness at not falling pregnant is now turning to one of anger

[hellraiser]

The last 14 months have been horrendous ttc.
I was experiencing irregular periods and was then diagnosed as having a underactive thyroid I am now on 100mg of thyroxine daily and my tsh is supposedly within range now after a year of trying to find the right dose for me.
I was recently told I wasn,t ovulating and probably haven,t been many times.
The fertility clinic put me on hrt to get my ovaries working again which did do the trick.
Now here I am 14 months down the line and still no pregnancy and I have just had my 38th birthday.
I know that time is running out and my stupid body is not listening and to top it all off my body has played many mean tricks on me over the last 14 months with feelings of nausea etc and my af not turning up making me think I could have possibly concieved.
I am just so sodding fed up now of it all I could scream.
I have resorted to buying a clear blue monitor this is my first cycle of using it.
However I am still experiencing irregular periods and my last 3 have been 26, 32 and then 44 days, the monitor is suitable only for cycles of between 21 and 42 days does this mean that if I have any more 44 day cycles its no good for me then.
My dh could not give two hoots whether I concieve or not and I am slowly getting more and more desperate.
Its all so cruel.
Sorry rant over just need to get it off my chest.

oh so sorry hell for what you're going through. What annoys me is when you discuss it with your GP or sisters or whoever the advice is invariably relax!
Like you, I have very irregular periods up to 44 or 46 days some times 30- odd, so guessing/predicting ovulation was out of the question.( I didn't want to go down the route of "it's time honey!").
I also think it is hard for any dh to listen about periods, mucus, symptoms and so I didn't tell mine.
I did read Zita West and took acupunture though. Happily for us I am now 36 weeks pg and I honestly think being positive and trying to relax(aargh!)did help us enormously. I'm sure your dh does care greatly but probably wants to come across as strong and silent and doesn't want you to know that he might be disillusioned/scared or whatever. Fingers crossed for you hellraiser hopefully this will be the year of the bfp!

Yes I have avoided timed sex for the last 14 months just hoping that sex every other day when possible would do the trick but no it hasn,t.
Its so hard not knowing whats going on whether I am ovulating with cycles of that length or not.
I am hoping that the clear blue monitor will give me some idea of whats going on.
However I am now not sure if its of any use to me if I have any more 44 day cycles.

Would not use the monitor at all under the circumstances you describe. At best they're misleading if there are irregular periods, at worse they'll give the wrong reading.

Are you also a private patient or NHS?.

Are they certain that the thyroid problems are now under control?. Are blood tests still being done regularly on your thyroid levels, have they also checked and compared your LH and FSH levels too?. If these are awry (i.e if LH is higher than FSH) then this can also indicate a condition called polycystic ovaries which can also affect ovulation).

A "normal" cycle is a cycle length of between 21 and 35 days OR with less than 4 days of variation from month to month.

hi hellraiser
i know how you feel as it took me many miscarriages and years to finally fall pregnant....
some things you might like to do are:

acupuncture which will help sort out your cycle, see an acupunturist who knows about fertility - this will take a few months but will really help (you will need to start taking your temp as well for them - you can buy a thermometer esecpailly for this from boots, its a pain to do as you have to do it the same time every morning, but it will give you invaluable info on your cycle etc)

I would see your gp and ask for all the tests you can get, its good you have sorted out the thyroid thing

there are tablets you can take you make you ovulate ... i would look at seeing a gp who can advise you, but if you can afford it i would highly recommend you see someone private who will assess your cycle, give you appropriate medication if necessary and guide you through this

i wish i had taken more control at 38, but i listened to doctors, and waited, miscarried, waited miscarried etc - finally i had to take control , read as much as i could, and eventually had my daughter, but dont expect the medical profession to help you tooooo much, you need to become much

more informed, but the good news is that there are people and ways out there to help you.

there is a great website fertilityfriends.co.uk where you will find lots of advice

Yep I know exactly how you feel.

Am 40 this year, have been trying for first child for 15 months, have recently been told that there is practically nil chance of me ever conceiving naturally and that, because of all my hormone levels etc I can't have IVF either.

Life doesn't feel fair sometimes but I think we just have to find a way to accept it, move on and be grateful for what we have. I have a fantastic partner and I know there's people far worse off than me