Am I foolish to have another baby when DH has lost his job?

[itsaJollyHolidayForMary]

We have talked about another child for the last 6 months. DH agreed he wanted another child in around October, we talked and said we would wait until Jan, some more conversations, should we wait a bit longer, or not (DH, not me).

We went away for christmas, spent it with family. DD had an Absolute Ball with her cousins, aged 2.3 and 6. It was a proper family, and she was so happy, it made us realise absolutely that we want that for her, for us and agreed to try for our second child when we got back, which means getting my implant taken out. I have felt elated, so happy that we are going to try for another one.

So, I was going to make the appointment today to get the implant removed (hoping for next week appt).

And DH came home at 10:30am, lost his job. He will get another job, but how long? Who knows. I am likely to have to go back to work full time (or, depending on how I work it out, cut my hours so low I am entitled to some help).

We have a mortgage. We are lucky that we have some money to fall back on. It was not meant to be for this, and its going to mess up our future a bit to use it, but we will not lose our flat, and we will be ok. He is likely able to claim contributions based income support/jsa as he has worked long enough, so something at least for a couple of months. He works in the public/voluntary sector and there really is not much about right now work wise. He is of course going to take anything, and said he would work as a shelf stacker on a night shift until a better job comes up.

So, the question is, should we hold off trying for another baby until DH is working again? Will things work out for us if we just go ahead with trying? I just do not want to wait any longer. I do not want a huge gap between DD and another child (she is 2.5), and we know we might not conceive immediately (or, that we might).

IF, DH does not get a job immediately, we could probably manage, but our life and finances would change immensely.

Am I being foolish or selfish to want to go and take the implant out anyway? (I did not make the appointment). I feel devastated.

No not foolish at all. Sorry about dh' job btw. Don't know how this would sit with you but how about waiting 3m to see if dh gets another job? Would going f/t, apart from tiding you over, give you a decent amount of paid maternity leave?

I think I'd wait till one of you gets a job, tbh.

I would go ahead on basis new baby can have dd's hand me downs, babies only cost as much as you spend on them (other than childcare etc - but could you register as childminder and take in another child too to help pay some costs?) and new baby not here for minimum of 9 months by which time things should be more sorted. So sorry for job loss though - what a nightmare. x

Agree with expat. Your dh will only get 6 months income-based JSA (I think), and the job situation dosent look good for anyone

imo you could wait just a couple of months from now..
if he gets a stable job soon, then its good cos' u know hes not going to be jobless anytime soon and you two don't need to worry abt finance either.
you/dh might be as stressed if you happen to be pregnant now.. 2-3 months from now wont hurt i guess..

Expat - I do work already, earn pretty ok money, which would be much improved if I go full time. While I have yet to discuss this with them, there is a good chance, as although my work, like many others, are cutting their budget, they also have deadlines to meet to get certain funding and are behind of projects and therefore is a good chance I can increase hours.

Heated - yes, if I increase my hours, that would in turn increase my maternity pay, which is actually ok - the usual 90% for 6 weeks, then half pay for the next 18 weeks. I can take up to a year off, with the last 6 months unpaid (and SMP for 9 months).

DH is applying for contributions based JSA as he has paid NI for over the required 2 year period, so hopefully he will get something for a few months at least. He is anticipating not waiting too long for work as he is not going to be career specific, rather take anything he can then think about longer term work once he is working again - on this basis, he thinks we should just go ahead with our plans, but I am concerned we might wait longer than we would like for work to come along (especially as this time of year is slow anyway).

I suppose its a blessing in disguise. We do have some financial fallback if we have to. We also have our flat on the market which we are going to take off. We were saying yesterday how lucky it is we did not manage to sell it over summer as we hoped, as we would be in a house with higher costs now (higher mortgage, council tax, travel, heating etc). At least we can keep our heads above water on my income, with a lot of belt tightening.

{sigh} you are all right. We need to think with our heads, not our...ahem...hearts . Logic prevails....

Yellowflowers - I was thinking originally like you. We did not spend a fortune on DD when she was first born, she got the best of everything she needed and lots were given to us, new and used and she still had much more than she needed, still does. We have kept the good stuff, and friends of ours are having children/had children so there is likely to be support there in some manner.

He can't be unemployed for 9 months can he?

But things do happen for a reason - we did not move into a more expensive house which would have destroyed us now (we could have lost it under these circumstances as we would be maxed out), and we decided to wait until new year before trying - DH literally found out he lost his job the day I was making the appt to get implant removed. Maybe this was a 'sign'? I try not to be fatalistic about things, but...we have choices, things present themselves and we choose to ignore or pay attention - do they not?

Hi

If I had my time again, I would go for it now My DP ended up losing his job and struggled to get back to a decent paying job, so we put off TTC for 8 years. We only really started again when my body clock started screaming at me - 6 months, one CP and one MC later, I'm staring 40 in the face and worrying that we're too old.

He's still not in the sort of job he had before, so to pay the mortgage, I will struggle to even go part-time if I ever do have a child but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I really really wish we'd just gone for it when I was 5 years younger. There is never a right time, but you will always find a way to cope.

Good luck

hi

I say go for it! but then i'm kinda doing the same thing DH work are laying people off in the next two weeks, but i said i would never let money get in the way of having my family. If he is made redundant it will be a nightmare - but pregnancy is nine months and alot happens in that time!!

go for it!