ok I am back on this topic because after telling myself to get a grip recently I still want another baby and you all need to come and tell me that ivf etc is horrible because I can't have it...

[wannaBe]

was going to namechange but what the hell - everyone knows about my conception (or lack of) history anyway lol.

Backgroun, have ds who is 6 who took 13 months to conceive. Month we conceived him we went for tests and gp said to dh that it appeared his sperm count was slightly low but we conceived that month so apparently it wasn't a problem.

Then when ds was 2.5 I came off the pill so we could ttc for baby number 2. And we ttc, and ttc, and eventually months turned into years.

So I went to the gp and had a day 21 blood test which apparently came back normal.

Dh then went to the gp and had a sperm test which came back low (about 20% of what it should be.

After that dh basically decided that he was unable to give me a child and that it was pointless even pursuing. (a male pride thing presumably). He did take some vitamin supplement which is supposed to increase sperm count but we didn't get pregnant so presumably it didn't work.

So we decided that we were lucky to have one child (and I still know that I am lucky to have one child), and that IVF wasn't really for us given it's invasive and emotionally draining and financially crippling and there are no guarantees. And adoption isn't for us - and anyway as I have a disability I would be unlikely to be allowed to adopt even if it was something we would consider.

So on we went with our lives.

I start to appreciate the things that are good about having an only child - being able to go on holidays to places further away now that ds is older/the fact that he is independent now/the fact that I don't have to divide my time between two children etc, to the extent that I then start to wonder whethr I actually want to have another baby. That's great - this is how it was meant to be. but...

Over the past couple of months I have suddenly had a really strong urge to have another baby. I can't pinpoint why really, maybe it's that I am approaching 35 and I'd always said 35 would be my cut-off, maybe it's that so many people around me are pregnant, maybe it's that SIL has recently found out she can't have children and is going to have to have IVF.

But I want another baby.

And I can't have one.

And realistically given dh's sperm count from last result, IVF is probably our only option, and we'd decided against that.

And even though I raised the possibility of IVF with dh, although he said that if that's what I want then we can do it, I can tell he's not totally committed to the idea (which I can understand - it's a daunting process with no guarantees) and imo both need to absolutely want it to do it.

So I'm stuck really.

I want a baby but I can't have one.

so I want to go back to where I was six months ago and happy with having an only child.

Oh and dh won't let me have a puppy either.

plenty of IVF mums on here who can share their experiences with you, so bumping!

Londonlottie thank you.

tbh I don't remember the in's and outs of the exact result. Iirc the numbers were quite low - i.e. a normal sperm count contains 20 million and dh's only contained 5 million.

The gp was thoroughly unhelpful and just gave him a printout and told him that he wasn't infertile but had limited fertility.

Dh seemed pretty resigned to it after that and didn't really want to take things any further (sperm count after all is pretty much the one thing that cannot be treated) plus I think he was very much of the opinion that he'd failed as a man etc (you know what men can be like!).

Wannabe - I thoroughly feel for you. I am in a similar position to you. Have one DS age 7. DH sperm count sbelow 20mil/ml also poor morphology and motility. Have been TTC for 18 months and sometimes am able to consider life without having another DC but then am overwhelmed with utter sadness and fear at this prospect .

DH will do IVF but has just been made redundant and because we have to pay for IVF (having already got a DS) we really cant afford to do it. But yet I cant NOT do it.

I am 33 and a half and feel time is slipping away. I have already seen a consultant (twice) for tests to check everythings ok with me (which it appears to be) but they keep cancelling me and giving me an app for 4 months later so I cant even get referred on to the the private hospital where we could begin IVF!

Anyway that was a lot of blurb about me! Sorry! As someone else said, I think you need to explore this IVF thing. Ask the doc to refer you to the hospital and at least begin the process (cause believe me its bloody long!) you can always pull out if you/DH decide you really really cant go through with it? Just a suggestion

There are some things that can improve sperm count aren't there? Didn't Gordon Ramsey have problems and change his lifestyle to concieve?
Brazil nuts are supposed to be good, and lots of fruit, my dh swears that daily smoothies helped us get dd. Boxer shorts are good too iirc.

I think a lot of the whole "eat brazille nuts and wear boxers" is more to help men feel they are also doing something. Sperm is the one thing that is not really understood, and although a healthy diet/minimizing alcohol/cafeen will help with conception, the reality is that there is no proven way to increase sperm count.

Dh did take a vit supplement which was supposedly proven to improve things, but we never did get pregnant so it clearly wasn't meant to be.

Also there's a difference between improving things from being a bit down to bringing the normal count up by 80% iyswim?

You only need the 1 sperm though (we got told dh's was really low, just over a year later our son was born )

You may only need one, but none of the stupid buggers have stepped up yet in my case!!