Its killing me at times when I see little babys and pregnant women

[lostittoday]

Hi
Just wondering if anybody feels what I do from time to time.
I have been ttc for 14 months and its questionable as to whether I will concieve at all now.
Despite everything I have gone through I cannot get rid of my desire to have another dc and I am finding it difficult to even try and accept the fact that I may not have another dc.
Whenever I am out there has been times where I have felt like crying when I have seen a newborn and I get insanely jealous of pregnant women its so shameful.
I feel disgusted with myself for feeling so jealous of women with little babies but I look at babies and cannot bear the thought that I may not experience holding my own again.
Can anybody relate to this or am I turning into a complete loon.

I dont have any personal experience of this but I have a friend who had been TTC for 6 years, she finally got a treatment similair to IVF and got pg, she has polysystic (sp?)ovaries so was told shed never have one.

She used tyo get so down and when I fell pg I felt so guilty as my DS was unplanned but wanted yet she had been trying for years and couldnt get pg

As I say though eventually she did get pg and she now has a 4MO DS who is gorgeous and much much loved.

Sorry for waffling but Im just trying to say that it will happen one day if not go see your doctor and ask about treatment to help thats what their there for.

Im assuming by your OP you already have a child? Thats something but I totally understand where you are coming from.

And no your not a loon

Hi Lostit, You have been trying for a similar amount of time to me and I have seen your posts several times, I really do understand where you are coming from. I have a 7 yr old DS and every month (year now) that ticks by where I dont fall preg gets harder. The hardest thing I find is the scary thought that it may not happen. People keep saying "it'll happen" but Im not so sure.

In my situation we have been told we will have to have some form of assisted conception to have any chance of conceiving (whether that be IUI or IVF with ICSI) but that costs so much money have DH has just been made redundant.

Come and have a look on this thread there are lots of us in similar circs and reading the back stories may help you realise we all feel similar (incredibly jealous, angry, and unreasonable!!) and its normal.

lots of very big (and very un-MN!!) hugs xx

Hi pinkmook
The fertility clinic did tell me that I am still in with a chance of conceiving naturally as a day 21 test showed that I had ovulated which means I obviosuly still have eggs.
However there is no telling how many eggs there are and how long this chance will last.
I fear that my stupid body will not fall pregnant before this chance has gone.
I have now bought myself a clear blue monitor to try and maximise my chances, after over a year of trying not to make things too stressful by resorting to ovulation tracking I have now become desperate and figure that anything is worth a go now.
Ironically my cycle seems to have reverted back to normal after over a year of missed periods.
However I have thyroid trouble and that has only just become controlled so not sure if that has helped matters.
I can only hope now.
Anyway sorry for the rambling.

Hello,

Just wanted to say that your feelings are totally understandable. I am fortunate enough to have a healthy DS and in the grand scheme of things haven't been TTC no 2 for too long.

The other day a woman I know who has 2 children announced she was pregnant with no 3. It was totally unexpected and knocked the stuffing right out of me. I couldn't believe how strong my feelings of upset/hurt were. How could she suddenly be expecting no 3 when I'm struggling to conceive no 2. As each month goes by I find it more difficult to control my feelings. Sometimes I even avoid the local toddler group where women who had children at the same time as me already have a 2nd child.

Please try not to feel disgusted with yourself. So many of us have similar thoughts and I keep telling myself that its better to acknowledge these feelings even if they are difficult to cope with.

I completely relate, I had a missed mc, and took me 3 years after that to get pg, suddenly there were pregnant women and babies everywhere, I hated going into town and seeing so many pushchairs and found it soo difficult when women brought in new babies to work to show off, and when people asked me if I wanted children (why do they think this is ok).
But we did get there, sounds so cliché, but when we gave up trying fell pg straight away.
I hope it works out for you
((hugs))

Hi
suze25
I can totally understand were you are coming from. I have a friend who is shortly getting married who wants children straight away and I dread it.
I cannnot bear the thought of her announcing the news, watching her growing bump, everything about it.
Its disgraceful of me I know that I am just finding the whole business very painful and I never dreamt it would be so emotinally trying or else I would have tried much sooner when my chances were better.
How long have you been ttc and have you had any tests or have you not got to that stage yet.
It sounds disgusting but I don,t feel right with one child and never realised that I would one day feel this way.

Hello wonderstuff I am sorry about the mc.
It doesn,t enter peoples heads that there may be fertility problems if someone has no children when they ask questions like that.
fertility problems are so difficult to deal with, how old is your dc now.

I think this is a very normal reaction indeed. Unless you have been through infertility it is very difficult to understand how utterly irrational, sensitive, etc it makes you. And totally unable to see sense or be generous and kind to other PG ladies/mothers(IME).
Is this affecting how you feel about your existing DC? I know when we went through the whole TTC thing I found it so hard to cope with anyone else.
Good luck to you, this is such a difficult and horrible time. But there are some excellent support threads on here where you can feel very normal!!

DD is 12mo, I wish I could offer some practical advice, but all I can offer is sympathy and reassurance that you aren't a loon

Hi Lostittoday,

You're not alone...I can completely relate to this. We found out a little while ago that my DH's sperm is not great. We have no idea if we will ever be able to have a DC and are currently being referred. I have up and down times, but during the down times I can't see small children, babies and PG ladies without feeling angry and jealous. I avoid PG friends too!

The hard thing is that I always feel awful for feeling the way I do...but it's completely normal! I think I'm an awful person, but that maternal instinct is just so strong. I'm not horrid, I just really really want to be a mum.

Anyhow, I wanted to say I understand and you're not a loon. I hope you get a BFP soon!!

BSL x

Oh I was there. A time ago now as I eventually got and managed to stay pg after a long time trying and a m/c. It's normal, utterly normal to feel the way you do.

The only thing that helped me was to focus my energies on something else as well as conception so that it wasn't so time consuming. I took a photography course, stopped charting and tried to fire a passion and desire in me that wasn't eggs/ovulation/ttc/temps/ewcm. I completed my photography course, became very passionate about it in fact and fell pg a couple of months later. So desperately wanting something that's deemed 'natural' and failing to achieve it is heartbreaking.

Hi Lostit,

Ive been trying for less than a year but I?m almost 35. I put off seeing the doctor as I kept thinking that given another month I would be pregnant. I was surprised that she immediately said I should have some blood tests which I'm waiting to take next cycle. I thought she would tell me to go away and keep trying. I've just started using cheap ovulation tests which come up negative ? I can only hope that I've been using them incorrectly . . .

Like you I never thought past having one child but now its an overwhelming need. My DP's brother has just married and I too am waiting for the announcement that he and his wife are expecting. Logically this shouldn't have any impact on me but I know it will.

It hasn't helped that a couple of people have made comments about when I'm having another child and noted that time is ticking away. I want to scream at them that I'm by trying. I guess if you have one child no one questions your ability to have a 2nd.

Lets hope your cycle getting back to normal plus the help of the clear blue monitor brings you what you need.

Hi lostittoday,

I completely understand how you feel. I have just suffered my 3rd Mc after 5 years of trying and i feel so angry about other people who are pg and had no problems concieving or trying. I have a friend who has DD who is 2 she got married in aug and feel pg first month and only bding once, i cried for days, then i fell too and i was so happy but obviously lost and i cant understand why me. i wouldnt mind having trouble concieving if i kept when i fell but to have trouble in both feels so cruel. My friend has had 2 Abortions before too and i cant understand when i have never done anything like that i have trouble and its like im beng punished but she not and she did something awfull. I know its so bad to pass judgement on her but i cant help feeling so resentful and pissed off most of the time even when i dont see these people.

Im trying to take time to heal but finding it so difficult with all these thoughts and feelings running around in my head. take today i dont even want to get dressed and thats so unlike me im worried i may have a touch of depression and that i def do not want but after everything thats happened surley thats normal.

Anyway my point is your feelings are normal and we all get them. i realy hope it happens for you soon. lots of baby dust your way.