Stupid rambling question here....

[JayTree]

To be honest, I am a little embarrassed asking this one but can?t find an answer anywhere! Trying to get my head around ovulation and fertility time tables is turning into my personal soap opera. We conceived our first child first time lucky and had thought number 2 would be as easy....now here I am worrying myself silly reading every article going on best ways to increase your chances etc as it is proving much harder this time. The problem is that they are sooo contradictory - particularly on issues to do with sperm lifespan and when/when not to have sex. I thought this would be an easy one but if you believe Miriam Stoppard, sperm is only able to last about 24 hours and an egg 12 hours....if this is the case why do others say have sex only 2-3 days and that sperm can last for days, if you want a girl have sex no closer than 3 days before ovulation????? Aaaaagh my head is full of facts and contradictions, I have no idea what I am doing!!!!! I have a long and irregular cycle so it is difficult to predict ovulation anyway - anywhere between day 14-24!! So if anyone out there can put me straight once and for all / recommend a really good site of reliable information, I would appreciate it.

Jaytree, I don't have a site I can recommend, but I have been reading about this lately too (I also have a long and irregular cycle - when pg with dd they kept worrying that she was small for dates, but I knew that I must have ovulated later).

Anyway as far as I knew, sperm lasts for 3 days and eggs for 12-24 hours. The boy sperms apparantly swim faster, but the girl ones have more stamina - hence the three days before ovulating advice for a girl. So the 2-3 days advice is correct (unless you have your heart set on a girl).

Other advice I have read is to be relaxed about the whole thing - constant temperature reading etc can be counter-productive, make sure you orgasm, and lie down for 20mins or so after sex instead of running off to the bathroom. All possibly easier said than done I know, but good luck anyway!

Miriam Stoppard has misinformation on other points, wouldn't surprise me if she's full of tosh on conception, too.

I'm pretty sure that sperm are good for up to a week, but egg not much more than 36 hours. I would assume ovulation 14 days before your period is due, and if you want a girl, to abstain for 3 days before ovulation. I guess with your irregular cycles you'll just have to shag like bunnies most of the month (your DH should be delighted??). Take Charge of Your Fertility is supposed to be the best book for anxious TTCers, talks all about charting & taking your temperature to know for sure when you ovulate. Sorry I don't know any sites to recommend!

One thing to consider... chances of conceiving are something like (on average) 25% each cycle at age 20, and decline by 1% each year thereafter. So at age 30 you would expect to only have about 15% chance each cycle -- I was guessing that meant a 30yo woman could expect it to take 7 cycles to get a 100% chance of conception (7x15=105), on average. Some people have higher or lower fertility than average. How long have you been trying?

This is a good site for basic information on fertility. It is put out by the family planning organisation, and that seems like a reliable source of info to me.

www.fpa.org.uk/guide/pregnan/index.htm

It give helpful information on what to do (and not to do) if you want to get pregnant.

HTH and good luck

Thanks Lucy123 - I must stop obsessing about this. The main problem is that although my dh is really keen to have another baby as well, he totally freaks out at the science bit - if he thinks for a moment that I am having sex for the sole purpose of making a baby rather than for lust(!!!) then it turns him off and he is very suspicious when I make moves for the 4th night running.... just bringing up the subject gets him all flustered. He thinks that we should just bumble along and wait for it to happen all by itself... I know he has a point but I have read so much now that I am a little more anxious and determined to get on with it!! One article said that couples over 30 have only a 15% chance each month and to expect it to take on average at least a year. I know that I am lucky with one child, that there are no specific fertility problems that we are aware of and that many have a much harder time than us. However, it doesn?t stop making that monthly disappointment any harder to cope with!!
I am going to have a nice long bath as my dd is with her grandparents this morning and try to relax and get things back into perspective. Sorry for the moaning

Thanks zebra and hmb - just read your posts after posting my last one. Will check out the book and website soon. We have been casually trying since last summer, each month getting a little more scientific and a bit more worried!! Will try to chill out and look at it more rationally. thanks for the facts and figures.
Zebra, I think you could be right about Miriam?s book - it is also a little bit patronising so I think I will chuck it out.

JayTree, ditch Miriam (I hear she actually "writes" none of her books herself) and get yourself a copy of the TCOYF manual. Even if you do not fancy the idea of handling your own cervical fluid, the book really simply explains the precise details of a cycle. It also explains how DIFFERENT everyone's cycle can be. It was the first book I had read that emphasised that not all women ovulate on day 14, for example. It tells you how to start charting temperature (and checking fluid).
It may just have been a coincidence but having had enormous worries over taking two years conceiving ds2 and then losing him suddenly and inexplicably at 22 weeks, I got pregnant a third time within five weeks of buying the TCOYF manual and starting a simple temp check chart. My aim was actually to build up some months' data before dragging ourselves back to the consultant, so sure was I that we'd have problems conceiving again. And I thought I was reasonably well-informed on these matters before I read it.
The book's title says it all: "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It helped me feel more informed about my body, whether you are using charting for contraception or conception. There is a lot of useful info about why conception might not be happening, but the tone of the book is not "last chance saloon". I could not bear to even look at books with "infertility" or "problems" in the title.

Try TCOYF

try this one. it helped me and my situation is the same as yours.

www.fertilityplus.org

also fertilityuk.org

Marina - so pleased to hear of your success and hope everything is going well. Thanks for the book advice, After reading both yours and zebras recommendations, I have ordered it and look forward to a new calmer and more positive approach to my quest. I am off now to have a peek at SueW and buttercup?s links - thank you.
Thanks guys, I knew this site would help me out. - full of practical advice and people who understand through their own experiences. I am already starting to feel a little less stressed than this morning.

SueW - thankyou so much for the TCOYF site. It is just as good as I hope the book will be. Again, I have found further contradictory facts (eg. sperm lasts for 5 days, orgasm unnecessary etc. etc. - all often contradicted) but I like the upbeat positive tone of the site and will give the method a go as it sounds really sensible. Would recommend anyone in similar position (beginning to get concerned and want to start increasing conception odds) to check out SuesW?s link below.

Jaytree - Marina and Buttercup have already mentioned the sites I would have recommended - but just as a thought re your irregular cycle.
I USED to have a very irregular one ( between 30 and 45 days) but then started taking a homepathic medicine recommended by my accupunturist and am now within 2 days - around 30-32 days every month. Doesn't help much though cos dh's sperm are useless !
I also take Vitex - also called Angus castus - a herb which helps regulate your cycle.
You can get Vitex anywhere ( health food shop/ online at gnc.co.uk or vitaminuk.com)
Homeopathic stuff is DR Reckeweg R20 ( It's German and costs about £10 a bottle))from the Nutricentre in London tel 02074365122
or UK suppliers of Dr Reckeweg tel 01942 811444. ( haven't used them - I can get it locally - but have used Nutricentre who do mail order.)
I was 'regular' within a couple of months.
HTH
Bayleaf

Hi Jaytree,
The best site ever IMO is Babymed.com. Its a US site, but is packed with really clear info. You can print off charts which will tell you the best time to bd (baby dance) and there are some really lovely chat boards where you can talk to people who are literally going through the same as you.(ie waiting to ovulate, or just waiting to find out if it worked) Cannot recommend it highly enough.
Good Luck!
PS we only did it 5 and 4 days prior to O and it worked for us so Miriams definitely wrong.

Hi JayTree ... thanks for this thread. I am in the same boat as you and this TTC lark is doing my head in too.
I am not used to TTC as we conceived DS without trying and got pregnant first time the last time. Since I miscarried all I can think about is getting pg and the hows and wherefores involved. DH doesn't mind though as he is getting more in the bedroom department than he has had in a long long time!
In the first month of trying I was really surprised when my period came ... shocked even ... as I had had found it so easy before. We are now in our second month and I have done all those things like not getting up straight away and I do feel that having an orgasm should help (no problem there tho' ).
I won't know for a week or so whether it has worked this time but I have everything crossed ... in the meantime I will be looking at those websites mentioned by others here.
I hope it works out for you ... keep us posted ...

Jaytree - I've just remembered that I read that you can make an irregular cycle regular by leaving a lamp on or the curtains open in the middle of your cycle (so your body thinks it's a full moon). It could be a load of old hippy nonsense, but you never know - dp won't let me try it!

Jaytree- Have you thought of using a Persona to predict your ovulation time - It's expensive (about £65 plus £10 a month for test sticks) but it worked for me.
Has the added benefit of giving hubby a 'red' light (rather than a green) at the appropriate time - my dh seemed happier to babydance when he was told not to - if you see what I mean.
BTW sperm definitely lasts at least 5 days - I have a mini-bump to prove it!

I had a gastic bug last month and have just succumbed to a cold this month - both at the crucial mid-cycle time. Is having a cold likely to affect whether I ovulate or not?

I can confirm that orgasm is totally unnecessary for fertilisation. I have four children as proof.

I had the levonelle contraception pillon Monday then I had the ella one today could I still get pregnant?