Anyone experience Delayed Ejaculation?

[clickclick]

Hi there

My OH suffers from delayed ejaculation and is unable to ejaculate inside me. However when he masturbates he is able to ejaculate and then manages to just about get inside me to release - I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and managed to conceive? We would really like to get pregnant but not sure if it will be possible.

We wondering if we should try insemination?

Any advice or tips would be welcome.

Sorry if too much information

delayed ejaculation is in the vast majority of cases, a psychological probnlem, not a medical one. there are no drugs to help but counselling often does help, read the 2 links below.

www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/ejaculatoryincompetence.htm

www.embarrassingproblems.co.uk/ejacdelayed.htm

often deciding not to concieve is a good start as it takes the 'pressure' off. calming herbs can be of use if no other med problems, I often use rhodiola with my clients as it is helpful with stress, sexual function and energy levels.
it will be possible to conceive but it is a matter of when as he needs to overcome the mental block first unless you want to get the old turkey baster out of course, but counselling will be far the best way to get at the root cause.

good luck

Thanks for this - I had previously read these articles and so has my oh - however he swears it is not psychological as devoted to me and wants a baby and cannot explain why it is happening - it is now getting frustrating for him. He is 40?

Now all I want to know is whether others have experienced this and managed to conceive by holding on until he just managed to get inside me (tmi) - I guess I want to know that we're not kidding ourselves and there is hope.

it is still more than likely a psychological thing as if it were a medical problem there would be other signs that a doc would pick up on.
if he were unable to ejaculate at all or it took soooo long when he masterbated then I would think of a med prob, but as he can ejaculate with no problem when masterbating, I think he has a deep seated problem that he may not be aware of. has this been going on for a long while or just recently started?

the only thing with what you have said so far for me to say is that if he knows himself well, he should be able to get to just before the ''point of no return'' pinch hold of the underneath of his penis on the 'rib bit down the shaft' to stop the ejaculate coming, if he gets to know where to hold his penis as near to the root as possible, this will give some length to get inside before letting go and pushing in quickly. as there are several 'spurts' of ejaculate, the last one or two should come when he is deep inside so increasing the chances if the first major spurt doesn't go in far enough. not having sex every day will help too, to build up a reserve of fluid in the prostate to give more volume.
but if his doc is satisfied there is no med probn, then counselling may still be the answer along with relaxation techniques.

ps, one idea a woman had about this was a bit sneaky. her husband had the same problem, so she told her husband that she thought they should give it a rest for a while to help him get his head together as it were. she said she did not want to go back on the oill for just a few months and anyway they would not be able to have sex for a while if she did so she got some condoms that she had prepared earlier. after several attempts, with her putting the condom on for him, he successfully ejaculated inside her but the condom mysteriously split . this just so happened to be around her most fertile stage, but I never got to hear if she got pregnant as this was around the time I separated from my ex and I was not 'allowed' back into my clinic only problem with this is that if you do not get pregnant first time he successfully ejaculates, he will know what went on and trust will go so maybe not a good idea unless you are a very good co-ordinator.

Hi clickclick,

My dh suffers from this - and I know how frustrating it must be for you. Especially, if like me you are constantly trying to be positive so that you wont stress him out more... in the end its a viscious circle.

The good news is that we used the exact method you described and I got pregnant - beautiful 1yr old to prove it.

In order to not make a big deal of it, I kinda used the ploy that we were just practicing, and if anything happened, all the better but no pressure. At the same time, I knew my cycle well, so we went away for a few days around that time. Therefore, the sex every other day was more from a fun point of view.

So you both can deffo do it. We are just starting for number two... hopefully it will work as good again.

best of luck!

I had a boyfriend about 13 years ago who had this, it was a nightmare.

He could have sex, and it went on for ages and ages but could just not ejaculate so everything sort of ended in a bit of a flop as you might imagine. You might think that a man going on for hours might be great for the woman but it really wasn't. It was very sore actually and really remarkably dull and passionless. He wouldn't masturbate in front of me either.

I found it incredibly frustrating - intially I wanted to love him and try and help him (oh the innocence of youth!) so I put up with it.

We decided to stop using condoms after a while (I was on the pill) and then it all became worse. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me and it was just a physical problem. I beleived him for a while.

Eventually I said to him that I couldn't continue like this. he admitted that at the age of 16 he had had sex on a beach (his first time - with a woman he didn't know) and it then became apparent to me that he was actually almost obsessively anxious about HIV (later turned out he had been having almost weekly HIV tests during our 2 year relationship). So he went for counselling with relate to try and help his anxiety - he went on his own, didn't want me to go.

The shortly after I found evidence of him in our bed with another woman - clearly having had an orgasm. So that was the end of that!

Hope your experience is better than mine...

Actually I think the guy I am talking about is fortunatly not representative of men with this problem. He was completely screwed up on many levels, and probably in retrospect had OCD and a form of mental illnes causing his obsession with the risk of infection.

Sorry if this sounds very negative about men with this condition, it is not meant to be!

Many thanks for your replies all good advice.

Thanks Misi - I'll bear in mind and will mention to my husband.

Thanks simpletwistoffate and I think this is what I wanted to hear and you're right about the viscious circle. You've made me feel more positive and believe we can do it.

We are about to go on holiday and its the 'right time' so hoping that we will both just relax and enjoy ourselves.

Hi Clickclick,

Have a great time on holiday - I definitely think you have the right attitude, and this is more than half the battle!

Looking forward to hearing good news for you soon,

take care!

had this same problem. firstly it is related to the mind, cud b stress or psychological. if ur husband can ejacultae while masturbating then it is obvious that he is not able to use his mind. while masturbating men imagine women, have fantasies, but while having sex it is you and needs to get his imagination wild. may be tell him to watch porn or talk dirty wit him. As far as sex is concerned you could try carressing and running your fingers on his balls while having sex. like if you are doing doggy style put your hand from underneath and caress his balls, that wud b of help.

Hi. I know this thread is really old, but I wanted to say I was having the same problem, and like clickclick's oh he says he wants a baby and I know he loves me. It really seems to be a strong psychological problem. He's often had slightly delayed ejaculation, but he's OK up until I ovulate then he can't seem to do it. He says it's like he is under pressure because it's more important that he orgasms, and had even had 'dry' orgasms.

I was going to try not to mention it this month, but I mentioned I was ovulating this weekend without thinking about a week ago. We did have some success when I said I'd made a mistake, but he didn't really believe me, so when we tried again, no luck, so I think the only thing I can try is not to mention anything next month and just hope he doesn't notice. The only reason I'm so worried is that I'll be 40 next month ttc#1 and time's running out.

Anyone else with similar experiences, and how did the others on this page get on?

Thanks x

hi there

my OH had this when we first started going out, it was great, having sex for ages but then the novelty of this wore off quickly as others here have stated...

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we decided when we were TTC that he should masturbate and then insert at this point just as he ejaculates and that's how I fell pregnant with DS. So yes, it can work very well indeed!!

We were going to seek counselling, but then we decided to change positions (rather than missionary, we started spooning) and then bang after about 4 to 5 minutes of intercourse he was able to ejaculate inside me.

Like a PP has said about her OH, mine also insisted that it wasn't psychological and that he loved me. I do think my OH relaxed more after our son came along, and changing position helped immensely.

My DH has this problem too but has had it since we first got together and we've been together for 6 1/2 years now. We've just started TTC so will just see how it goes. I'm lucky in that DH can climax majority of the time, even if it takes a while but just went three weeks with no climax. He's actually really good and understands if I can't go on as sometimes it can end up being sore after a long time. Agree with canttouchthis though that you should try different positions as one may work better than others.

it's not as common or widely spoken about as prem ejaculation though, and I think there's a taboo about it.

I'm quite happy to answer any questions because I've been with DH now for 5 years and it did cause problems to begin with. I worried about it, then he worried which then made it worse....however, after a lot of discussion and then just taking things as they come (excuse the pun!) nature took it's course after DS was born and things started working out well. He does ejaculate most of the time during intercourse now, and I don't put any pressure on him. We do it for fun, not for 'making babies' so to speak. If 'babies' are mentioned, I think that sort of puts more pressure on them to 'perform'.
Definately try different positions and see how that goes, or counselling is worth a shot.

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Hi, I am a regular btw, just felt "wrong" to be discussing stuff about dh under my regular name.

I agree with canttouchthis - in fact our dc1 was conceived by the same method as her ds.

dc2 (planned) was the result of some experimentation with positions. "missionary" position and other more traditional methods seem to delay things more.

For my dh the pressure of me sitting on his lap, facing him, really does the trick. (and I find it increcibly arousing to watch his face)

tmi alert our dc2 was conceived on the sofa in such a position!

Good luck to all who experience this, as someone else said it is probably as common as premature ejaculation but not widely spoken about.

This is a physical rather than psychological problem.

I name changed for this but have this problem and for those who are going through this I have every sympathy. I am a regular male poster here and am too embarrased to post under my normal MN name.

I posted about this on another thread a while ago and how we deal with it. We had two lovely DSs this way.

I have a very happy sex life but I what I have found over the years is that I do not get aroused enough by penetration. I used to worry about it. It did get worse when we were TTC as I felt I had to ejaculate and was under a huge amount of pressure. I do not worry about it now though because I have talked to my wife about it extensively, and taught her how to make me aroused through masturbation, oral and other means I have very intense orgasms as a result of delaying ejaculation so there is a plus side. I do ejaculate inside my wife though every time and it is very important to me and her that I do even though our family is complete.

imo this is in the main a psychological problem. you can not want something and not be aware of it you know!!! we are not all conscious of everything that drives us and it is very common that a man may want with all his heart to have another baby consciously but unconsciously be afraid of doing so, or not want to for many complex reasons.

I agree with you sophable actually, wholeheartedly

It is a psychological problem most of the time, not a physical one (these can be ruled out by seeing a GP and having tests done).
I think being put under pressure to start a family, or even just being in a new relationship can be enough to cause delayed ejac. or it could just be stress in itself. and definately agree that it may be the unconscious mind which is causing the barrier to being able to ejaculate during intercourse. the unconscious mind has a lot to answer for!!!!

It's been good to read other's responses to this because for as long I always wondered how others feel about this topic and how they have broached the TTC issue. It's been great to hear so many success stories of couples managing to conceive with this difficult situation of delayed ejac.

I realise this post is old, but wanted people to know there can be a happy ending.

My partner has delayed ejaculation. We've tried sex therapy and all sorts to no avail.

However, we have also tried self insemination with a 50% success rate. We have one lovely toddler, and another baby on the way.

It can work. Don't give up hope ladies. Do a web search to find out techniques. Best of luck.