I,m such an idiot possible early menopause and still I wonder if I am pregnant

[lostittoday]

I don,t know whats wrong with me ttc for a year without success and now there is a query as to whether I am in early menopause due to no periods for 4 months, and some symptoms which are possibly down to menopause.
A test I had done in June showed my fsh has been 62.
I don,t know whats wrong with me but I still keep thinking that maybe there is a possibility I am pregnant and thats why af has not showed.
Its so ridiculous and I know that I am heading for another fall as at the moment the fertility clinic are trying to determine if I have ovarian failure, or early menopause, and may have to do a laproscropy to say for sure,apparently ovarian failure and menopause are 2 differnt things and early menopause of course is not treatable but ovarian failure is and they also both give off menopuasel symptoms.
I have to take 1 months supply of hrt to switch off my pitutary gland which is desperately sending out more fsh to try and spur the ovaries to work hence such high fsh.
The fertility clinic say that once the ovaries have been given a rest from this constant hammering they sometimes start working again on their own.
If I get my cycle back after the month of hrt then its good news and suggests ovarian failure and everything should be okay, if I don,t get a cycle then its probably early menopause and the laprooscopy will confirm it.
Has anybody else ever had similar problems like this and been given a similar course of action, so confused and upset at the moment.
And despite all of this I am still dreaming that maybe just maybe I have become pregnant in the meantime what an idiot I am, and I am still actively ttc in the hope that somewhere along the way I will just suddenly ovulate and become pregnant.
Do I sound nuts.

I am just finding all of this so difficult.

Just wanted to send you some huggs!!!! My cycle went missing for 18 months so I know that constant wondering even when you know its next to impossible. Its so Hard so love and huggs and fingers crossed the hrt kicks starts some action!!!

Hi there!

I understand how you are feeling! A similar thing has happened to me - diagnosed as having undergone an early menopause but have twice already done a pregnancy test in the hope that the oddness and nausea etc is in fact a littley ... sadly not! They say it can happen but rare ... so I'm not getting my hopes up.

Don't be afraid to cry, I did, lots!! I also spoke to a counsellor ... very private and this was my private space that I shared with no one else @ this gave me an opportunity to share my feelings of frustration and worked with coming to terms with my premature menopause!!

Chin up ... this too will pass when the time is right. Just remember that you have not done anything wrong!!

Also, if it is premature menopause speak to your doctor about HRT, I did not realise how rubbish I felt until after the tabs made a d
difference!!

Hang in there!!

xx

I just don,t feel done with bearing children emotianally anyway I have such a strong desire to have another.
Its killing me some days I am better than others, but this is the worst I have ever felt in my life about anything.
I am having difficulties coming to terms with it.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that for some reason the ovaries have stopped working temporariliy and can be spured back to life.
I only have 1 ds and I don,t feel complete.

I wish I had the right words to say, they all seem so empty so Im sending you a hug

and to let you know we are all here for you, take care

I think you need to see a counsellor - as baked bean did. Is this something you would consider? You're in limbo right now when you haven't actually been diagnosed so this might possibly put you off seeking this sort of help but you are obviously in a lot of distress and it could be a great help. If not then no harm done. Have you had a look at the daisy network website?