Fertility clinic want semen sample but dp blatently refuses

[ifeelsleepy]

I just don,t know what to do.
I have been ttc for almost a year and I am getting very fretful about things.
My dp has never been too keen on another and has only sort of come round on the idea and I have always gone to any appointments on my own.
Now the fertility clinic have asked for a semen analysis and my dp refuses to do it, I am not doing that is the answer I got from him it doesn,t matter how much I try to bring him around he won,t do it.
I think he finds the whole thing deeply disturbing the thought of providing this sample.
What on earth can I say to the fertility clinic.

'when I get what I want he will simply adjust, I know its selfish but all that I am bothered about is getting what I want so badly." - maybe you should say that to him. Point out that he's basically saying the same thing to you but on the opposite side, and then ask him to please please therefore go with you to see a counsellor to help you both figure it out.

But if you have to do that, you can't go into it with the plan of getting the counsellor to help you to convince him. You need to go into it with the goal of finding a way for the two of you to agree on how what your family will be in the future.

At our clinic no one did anything until both DH and I had read a ream of paperwork, made some (pretty hard) choices about options, and signed. How is this clinic treating you if your DP has not consented?

I wouldn't think using sperm from a condom would work, the sample has to be fairly fresh. He also has to abstain for 3 days.

doesn't sound like it is the provision of the sample that is the real issue here.....

Nevertheless, we are undergoing IVF at the moment and after a lot of reluctance, my DH now rather likes going to provide a sperm sample . They have a "wanky porn room" at the hospital full of mags and videos. Dh says that it's the only chance he gets to watch porn

I feel really sorry for you. But it sounds like he doesn't want another child. I know exactly how you feel as my DH was the same. By the time he changed his mind and we tried a cycle of IVF I was 42 and it didn't work. Haven't tried again (am now 44).

I know so well the panicky thoughts racing through your head as you visualise time running out on your fertility while his stays pretty much the same.

However even though my DH is intensely private and prudish to an extent, he didn't balk at giving a sample at any time. (Our DS is an IVF baby too.)

You really need to sit down and talk. We did. I swore blind at DH that if I didn't have another DC I would resent him forever. I now can't believe it but am over that feeling. DS is now 7 and whilst I would love him to have a sibling I have accepted that barring miracles he will be an only child. And in all honesty I am pretty much OK with that. There is a certain amount of sadness there but I am OK with that.

Could he have had a vasectomy without you knowing? How easily did you conceive last time?

No there is no way he would have had a vasectomy he would be far too emabarrased to go and even ask for one.
He would have to be on his death bed to have any kind of medical intervention.
I do have some problems so it is doubtful anyway that I will concieve, and at the same time I am throwing it in his face that I have probably run out of time and I keep reminding him of all the times he kept saying you have years left yet.
I am quite resentful towards him.

'I do have some problems so it is doubtful anyway that I will concieve, and at the same time I am throwing it in his face that I have probably run out of time and I keep reminding him of all the times he kept saying you have years left yet.
I am quite resentful towards him.'

Please try to get some counselling on your own.

You will have no peace, no matter how this shakes out, if you don't.

I divorced my ex husband because come to find out, he never wanted any children at all.

Granted, I was a lot younger - separated at 28 and divorced at 30.

But we did try to come to some terms.

At the end of the day, this is one of those issues where it's hard or impossible to compromise.

The split was hard, but because of the counselling I had I was able to make peace with it and move on.