You know you've been ttc for too long when...

[nomoremagnolia]

a)...you find pregnacare/pg tests in the cupboard that are out of date?
b)...six couples you know have married and had babies in the time you've been ttc?
c)...two different friends who started ttc at the same time or after you have had their first babies and are announcing their second pgs?
d)...all of the above

So sorry for you nomore but in the annoying voice of our fertile friends I'm sure it will happen sometime.

Are you on any of the other ttc threads nomore because at some point I will really have to rant about this egg donation lark, And obviously see who else is at a similar stage IVF wise, thanks.

And sorry for hijacking your thread

Don't worry about hijacking There's an IVFers thread called "Assisted Conception and the bits inbetween" which I'm on (though I mostly lurk at the mo) I'm also on the "been ttc#1 since forever" thread which is definitely my spiritual home!

Hi ladies sorry to but in, but could do with a little advice. I have a friend who has been ttc for a while, she is my partners bf wife.

We were for a little while close so i have been taken into her confidence in regards ttc. But over the last year she has become quite distant and if I try to make contact I never really get close, but I would really like to tell her about mn and the help you ladies give each other. My only problem is how do I do this without sounding like a condescending idiot whos sticking her nose in?

Please help.

Hi colacubes you could always email her a link with one of the ttc threads on. Or just say what you said to us, about there's others in the same situation and the support given on here etc.

Mumsnet takes abit of getting used to, but I found the conception topic alot more gentle than the rest of it, even though it still took me over a year to post!!

I spent the first year reading old conception threads (sad I know) but it helps to ease you in and there's alot of usefull info on there. HTH

Could you say to her "now I don't want to sound like a condescending idiot who's sticking her nose in BUT...."
Just say you're sure she's finding it hard and that you've got some 'friends' (don't tell her they're virtual ones) who use an online forum to chat to others in the same boat. Either that or tell her how helpful you find MN and then tell her there's a bit for those ttc?
Best of luck - I hope she doesn't think you're interfering because MN is the one thing that has saved my sanity during ttc and I've made some wonderful friends too. [mushy]

Thanks 1 and nomore, I think I will just start randomly chatting about mn, see if I can get her out for a coffee first.

I know through dp that she is finding it sooo hard, his bf is at a loss now how to reassure her, everything he says he says he seems to hurt her. Think she really needs other ladies who know exactly what she feels and knows what she needs.

I think we all too often forget about our poor DH/Ps in all this
If you do persuade her to join and wants a 'friend' feel free to point her in my direction if you like. I'm usually on the "been ttc#1 since forever" or the "assitsted conception and the bits inbetween" threads.

Hi colacubes unfortunately when a person experiences difficulty conceiving they tend to go through what can only be described as a mourning process.

First you're in denial, then shock and disbelief, then grief and emotion (which is where i suspect your friend is)then anger and finally a kind of acceptance (which is where i am) These stages can last varying degrees of time, but just be aware of what stage she is in, as it gives you some guidance on how to approach her. Hopefully some where along the line she will fall pregnant and the process will stop.

She has probably withdrawn from you and her dh because she is grieveing at the moment, but give her time and plenty of support.

I could be wrong about this theory ofcourse, so anybody feel free to tell me I'm wrong but I thought it might help you understand why she's backed off abit.

Thanks all for your kind words, I do think she is feeling so grief stricken that she finds it hard to communicate or be bothered to have relationships because life seems so bloody hard for her. I know she is close to her mum and they talk alot, but she has become a shadow of herself.

I am definetly going to make the effort to try and have a little time with her even if its just the odd 5 min conversation, I will do my damndest to point her your way, she should have someone she can share with that can understand how she feels, and thinks!

Thanks again, my best to you all, and much luck to you on your ttc journey. cc

This thread has made me laugh! Oh, those anecdotal things that will get you pregnant, just the best! Let me share with you mine....since turning 30, I have

(1) moved to the country in case it was living in London making me too stressed (no, apparantly I thrive on stress)
(2) got two puppies (destroyed the house, no pregnancy, no furniture either)
(3) got a two seater open-topped sports car (because everyone else seems to get pregnant the second they buy a two seater car - apart from me. Now sold as dogs don't fit into it)
(4) made appointments to have things checked over at the docs - no, didn't have any effect apart from destroying any sense of privacy and modesty I had
(5) had IVF - now this did work.

Not TTC - You drink alot and have sex sporadically.

TTC - You drink sporadically and have sex alot.

Not TTC - You look at you DH watching telly and wonder what's going on in his mind.

TTC - You look at you DH watching telly and wonder what's going on in his balls.

OAP glad to make you smile. Every month I try to think of what I have done differently so I have a 'story' to tell - from redecorating the spare room (that would have been the nursery) to getting a milkman - but so far it's all been in vain!

... when you automatically subtract the age of someone's children from their age to see if they were older than you when they managed to conceive.

Also, when you look at celebs 'celebrating baby joy!' in the papers, work out how old they REALLY are (celeb age + 3 years), then wonder if they had egg donation/IVF, etc.

after reading all these posts, i feel like i've been trying since WW1!(well slightly more than 3 yrs to be exact!)

i totally agree with nomoremagnolia, picknmix, 1wish and scary hairy..and yes getting desperate every month when AF turns up
what else do we have to do to get a babyyyy??? lol
patience has a limit but for how much more do we have to wait...
i really do hope everyone here whos been trying as long as me +/- 3 yrs get their BFP soon!

c)...two different friends who started ttc at the same time or after you have had their first babies and are announcing their second pgs?
Make that 3 - just found out about another

I just wanted to give you all some big {{hugs}} We've been at it for 6 months after an mc and I can already agree with many of the 'you know it's been too long when' comments!

Wildfig I'm always doing age maths in my head!!!!

I just thought I'd bump this thread, so you can see how unexpected this is to me, and that there is hope for all of you

This thread is great...gave me a few smiles on a bad day. So many of these things are true! Been trying for 18 months altogether with a mc last year.

Here are a few of mine:

1 - You have no sympathy whatsoever if any friend tells you they're worried they could be pregnant and you tell them "I wouldn't worry, there's so little chance of it happening, it's almost impossible". And the phrase "pregnancy scare" is just alien!

2 - You think people who claim to have got pregnant on the pill or with a condom that split are just liars.

3 - You even start to envy your own mother for having you. Oh, dear!!!