20 month age gap/ 2yr age gap... is there a lot of difference????????????

[Dalrymps]

Just wondering, ds is 9 mo old and we are thinking of ttc from when he is 1.
For those of you that have experience of this kind of age gap would you say there's a lot of difference between a 20 month gap and a 2yr gap? I mean in terms of how the older one accepts the new baby, how difficult it is to look after both etc
Our initial plan was a 2.3 - 2.6 gap but we're just kicking the idea of a smaller gap about as we're now thinking it might be better to get the baby stuff out the way quickly.
Any thoughts welcome

Quicker - i'm sure DD will love having the new baby around and they'll be great friends being so close in age

I've got over the guilt now! She's being such a little Madam that it'll do her good to have to share everyones attention

Oh good! You're right though, it'll teach her an importatny life lesson - sharing .
Hope your pregnancy is going ok.

We have a 13 month gap between ds1 and dd1 which was hard but has been fantastic in lots of ways. They are 5 and 4 now and incredibly close - more like twins really.

I think the closer they are the more there are issues with competition and there were times when it was just impossible to know what to do (like when they were both having tantrums/needing mum). But the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

Having said that we didn't repeat the experiment. There is 2.5 years between dd1 and ds2. And we were due to have 2.5 years between ds2 and ds3 but sadly a couple of months ago we lost him when I was nearly 21 weeks pregnant.

The difficulty I found with the 2.5 year gap is that it took dd1 longer to come round to having ds2. In many ways that's the age when the jealousy really sets in. She was much more affected by me going into hospital and seemed to feel the "loss" of me more. Although ds1 definitely understood what was going on, even though he was so little, he only sulked for a few days and after that was devoted to her. It took dd1 much longer to come round to ds2. Could be personality but my feeling was that it was the difference in age.

I say - just go for it! Especially as recent experience has really taught me that the most important thing is that you have a healthy baby at the end of it. You'll make it work whatever happens. Best of luck!!

Thanks for the advice mum2jai, wow 13 months, you must be a real hero to have coped with that, I can imagine 2 tantrums at the same time eek.
Yeah, we're gonna start trying soon and I can't wait, I think the general consensus seems to be that i'll cope with it whatever age gap we have cause i'll have to!

I'm incredibly sorry to hear of your loss , I really can't imagine having to cope with something like that. All I can say is I hope you are getting lots of support and to send you some (((((hugs)))))

Thanks again x

Thanks, sweetheart, it's been heartbreaking losing him, esp so late on . But I'm getting tons of support - great friends and family - and you know what, you just have to get on with it esp when there are other litlees who need you. A blessing really.

Good luck with ttc no 2. Hope all works out for you. Let us know! x

Glad you are getting the support you need, i'm sure heartbreaking doesn't even begin to cover it. As you say, the other litlees who need you are a blessing indeed, don't they just help you to see the joy in life?!

Will let you know x

hi im new there is 23 months bewteen my 2 ds i would say there is hardly no differnce between 20month and 2 yrs! we are just ttc #3 only been trying this month but i feel sick and tired had a few sharp stomach pains the other day AF due on 28th august so fingers crossed. i dont know if im just wishful thinking wiht the pains and tiredness though!!

Thats encouraging to know, thanks emlou84
I've not ttc yet but have been feeling tired and a little sick too , sure I can't be though cause my AF isn't due until 2nd sept. Fingers crossed you are! Let me know if you are

will let you know anythin dalrymps! so when will you ttc? feel even sicker today last night was cooking and came over all funny thought i would goin ot be sick everywhere and felt dizzy surely this would be too early for signs? 8 days to go to AF due?

Well everyone is different, some get symptoms sooner than others. Fingers crossed for you. We've decided to ttc in Jan now so can finish decorating the kitchen and bathroom and have a drink over christmas without people suspecting in the 1st 12 weeks. I see you've joined the wagoners thread so chat to you on there!

I seem to be going against the flow. We had 19 months between the first 2, then exactly 2 years then 2 years and a week. At 19 months old DD was horribly jealous of DS1. She didn't speak too well but made it perfectly clear what she thought of him by looking at a picture of a baby, calling it by DS1's name and then slapping the picture as hard as she could Yet he was a really "good" baby who slept 4 hours between feeds.

In his turn DS1 was jealous of DS2. Didn't like him crying or being fed, and once he was mobile used to push him over.

Our worst gap was the 4 years between DS1 and DS3- DS1 really seemed put out about him. But the best gap was the 5.5 years between DD and DS3. He was very much her living doll to be dressed up and carried around.

I think I must have had odd children

Nice to get a different view, I guess a lot of it is down to personalities and you can't tell how they'll react till the new lo comes on the scene. Are they all ok with each other now?

They all get on really well now.