Feeling Too Old

[Nisey]

So I’ve shared my excitement about planning to be TTC from September after my partner has his vasectomy reversed. But there have been some comments about “how old is too old to become a parent” and lots of horror stories about pregnancy/labour/motherhood, lots of comments about how difficult it will be and how I’ll struggle. Then I stopped to think about it and I don’t think I personally know anyone who has started a family in their late 30s. I wasn’t aware it was THAT controversial these days, but I’m suddenly starting to doubt myself and question if it’s already too late and if we’re kidding ourselves by believing this might happen for us.
We both want this, it is our life and our decision and we won’t let anyone sway us from it. But my positivity has started to falter a little.

Being late 30s isn’t too old to have a child, it may be more difficult to conceive or carry a pregnancy to full term than someone who’s late 20s but it isn’t too old at all, you could have a perfectly healthy and normal pregnancy and birth.

36 and above I believe is classed as a geriatric pregnancy by the NHS, this is only because the baby is more at risk of developmental delays and/or abnormalities plus you’re more at risk of complications such as miscarriages and still birth.
That doesn’t mean it’ll happen, those things can happen to women at any age, I had a child at 22 who is autistic, my sister had a miscarriage at 27.
All that means is your risk is higher than women below that age.

In my opinion, go for it whether you’re 36 or 39, if you want a baby, start trying.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear I think. I’ve been a bit surprised by the relatively negative/cautious reactions I’ve received. I’m 37, soon to be 38

A bit of reassurance, a close family friend of mine had a baby at 38 and 41, no complications during pregnancy or birth. Both children are now healthy and happy teenagers. Also, to add, in the culture my husband is from, the women have babies right up to the time they get menopause, and they all have healthy babies.
During one of my pregnancies, I was 26, and the checks came back and said a high chance of Down syndrome.. I was so confused, because my previous baby at 25 had a very low chance. When I enquired, they said that even 1 year can make a huge difference, even though I was only 26???
Have your baby! xx

Go for it, your not too old. I did ivf at 35 and had 2 babies from my second cycle at the age of 36 and 38.

Had mine at 35, 37 and 39

Late thirties is a bit older than average, not by loads tho!

Surprised people around you feel they can comment like tbh, they sound rude as.

I had mine at 35 and 37. Noone ever used the word 'geriatric' to me and it wasn't written in my notes anywhere. My age was not considered a risk. Perhaps this is different in different trusts.
My pregnancies were far easier than several women I know who are in their twenties.
The only issue is that you have less time to sort out any conception problems that might arise. But I wouldn't worry about pregnancy and birth, especially if you can make sure you are fit and relaxed.

You are absolutely not too old. Get going.

Nah I’m 42 and trying. We conceived easily last year at 41, it did end in miscarriage but the midwife didn’t bat an eyelid at my age and said loads of her patients are in their 40’s these days. My ex and his partner had a baby when they were both 46!

I had my babies at 35 and 39. Absolutely straightforward pregnancies and no issues. I think how you look after yourself in your 40’s is key to your future health but that applies whether you have kids or not.

i didn’t have any negative comments except my dad who thought I was too old for my second. It’s never been mentioned since or by anyone else though.

Hi OP! If reassuring, I fell pregnant twice and have two healthy kids, born when I was 38 and 40. Don’t mind this narrative of “too old”. It’s not like you fall off a cliff between 35 and turning 36. I think I had just one comment of “you left that a bit late” with the first pregnancy. Ignore that stuff. It’s your life and your family.

I’m 36 and 30 weeks pregnant with my first, I don’t feel too old at all, my age hasn’t even been mentioned once during any of my appointments.

What’s more important is how healthy you are, someone could have a high risk pregnancy in their 20s and another person could be low risk in their late 30s.

I had my last 2 dc at 37.4 and 43.2. Absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

I had my first at 37. 39 and pregnant with my second. Just had the genetic abnormalities blood test at my dating scan - 1 in 5000 chance of downs syndrome and the other genetic conditions screened for. This was the same with my first pregnant 2 years ago. Age is only one risk factor in pregnancy - there are so many other variables involved and as previous posters have mentioned, it doesn't mean that someone much younger than you might not have worse outcomes. Look after yourself, stay as healthy as possible and don't entertain any negativity from anyone. This is your life not theirs. I didn't meet my husband until 35, some of us can't try any earlier than we did and in any case it is your decision when you are ready to try for a baby
Good luck xxx

Do you mean you're telling friends/family about it? Sorry my opinion but that's very weird to tell. easy solution, don't share and you won't get the comments. I wouldn't want that pressure / expectation of others knowing I was TTC, especially given it's statistically likely to take longer. Have realistic expectations when TTC. And having a baby is bloody hard work whatever age you are.

Hello,
yes that’s a valid point. I know it’s a bit unconventional to tell people you’re TTC. I decided to share it, I’m a very open person and I was so excited to have gotten to this point in my life as I never expected it to happen.
thank you though, it’s important to hear views that differ from mine, and show a bit of an insight.