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Conception

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Original poster

Applying for jobs while ttc - controversial or perfectly normal?

34 replies

tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 16:30

er that's about it really... my job is fine but dull so maybe I should sit tight. But with a year plus ttc (including 3 mc) behind me, I could be sitting tight for a while if I do...

On the other hand, sods law says if I get the job I'll be pg within seconds (and mc again? I hope not, but it's obviously possible)

what do you think/ what have you done?

OP posts:
Playingthewaitinggame · 20/06/2008 16:41

Difficult. I will not comment on any moral dilemas with this situation, thats up to each person to judge and as ttcign can take a while is hard to put your life on hold.

The thing I would be most concerned about was job security. You can be fired in probation for anything e.g "not fitting in", "not being quite right for the role" etc. So, if you did get pg and they found out and wanted to get rid of you it would be very easy. But maybe I worry too much

Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 16:56

oh yeah, thanks playing, I hadn't thought of that - very good point! That happened to someone here recently (not for pregnancy), and because it was her probation, they didn't even have to explain to her why they were firing her.

OP posts:
hannah001 · 20/06/2008 16:59

I chose just to carry on with my career - changing jobs when necessary and forget that I was TTC and for me I think it was the best choice. It took 3 years to get to the point where I'm 25 months pg - and so sitting put in a dull job would have been very boring.

Fortunately I will have been at my current job for a year when maternity leave starts though so I can get the most out of their mat. leave scheme - but I wouldn't have minded if I wasn't.

hannah001 · 20/06/2008 16:59

25 weeks! not 25 months

Wilkiepedia · 20/06/2008 17:02

Hannah - was going to say are you having an elephant??

Trying - I don't think it is wrong and I am doing very same thing. Don't worry about it! Yes it is prob unfair but life goes on...!

Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 17:09

Thanks Hannah as well... this is going to be a grey area isn't it? I'm really pleased it is working out for you. Good luck with that 25 month pregnancy

I'm not too bothered about mat benefits, just want an interesting job, and don't want to let down my amazing current boss who has supported me beyond the call of duty through my 3 mc. And ideally not piss off any future employer too much either!

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 17:10

Thanks Wilkie. What are your thoughts about what Playing says about the probation period?

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Wilkiepedia · 20/06/2008 17:15

Personally I think it is a long shot and don't think it would be a problem in many places. Also, you don't have to announce your pregnancy officially until I think 26 weeks before you are due to give birth so you could keep it a secret - most places have a three month probationary period.

I'm not saying that it doesn't happen but many places now would be afraid of being caught out if they sacked a pregnant woman.

Also, if, god forbid, you were to have another miscarriage - they would not need to find out the reason for absence. My GP wrote me a sick note when I had mine that said depression rather than miscarriage.

Playingthewaitinggame · 20/06/2008 17:15

Oh Trying even I can contradict myself. Sometimes life goes on and you have to take risks for the sake of your sanity. If you need a new job becuase the old one is getting you down and you are prepared to take a risk go for it. It might even be the stress of your current job stopping you conceiving!

Loosing my job is the only thing that would worry me about changing jobs, I have seen it happen before, so I will stay here and not move but that doesn't mean thats the right thing for you to do!

Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 17:34

Thanks playing! I had wondered if my current lack of work fulfillment might be holding back the ttc? Unlikely but after a while ttc you're willing to grasp at straws aren't you?!

Part of me really wants a fresh start, but part of me thinks I might be better with the devil I know, after all it really is fine here in many ways - good pay, lovely boss, fairly unstressful - just NOT interesting!

Anyway, I've got to go now as if they catch me posting on here they might make the decision for me and fire me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 20/06/2008 17:37

god I sound so demanding and ungrateful - I know i'm lucky to have a decent job already, it just sucks that this affects us, whilst our partners sail through oblivious...

I really am going now

OP posts:
Ready · 20/06/2008 19:59

I think that if money is an issue (i.e maternity leave/pay etc) then it might be best to sit tight.

HOWEVER. I sat tight and didn't apply for jobs because I didn't think it was fair on a prospective employer in the event that I might end up leaving quite soon after starting.

But then I realised (after 23 cycles) that I can't put my life on hold for what might happen. It's not nice to think it could take years and years to conceive, but it is realistic for some of us (I hope not you) - and I think that really, if you see a job that you fancy doing, then you should go for it, and if you conceive straight away, then CONGRATULATIONS!

I have just started my new job, and I figure, what will be will be. Financially, we could cope without maternity pay if they decided to be funny about it. And so, I feel having this job takes the edge of not conceiving - if that makes sense?

Go with your gut instinct, and ultimately put YOUR needs before any employer.

Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 22/06/2008 20:26

Thanks for replying Ready, and I'm glad your move has been a positive one. It sums up many of my dilemmas. Good luck with your tcc, and I hope it happens quickly for you, regardless of having just started a job!

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mummy2olivia · 22/06/2008 20:51

I was 9 weeks pregnant when I started the job I am in now. Found out the day before I started

I got no matty pay and had to go back after 6 months but back then I was a single parent. If you can afford no matty pay then go for it. Thats the worst that will happen after all

Good luck trying, I saw your recent sad news, very sorry and hope all works out in the future.

AngelDoll · 24/06/2008 22:22

I don't think it's fair that women should have to worry and worry about this issue when men never have to!

Is is not the case that being dismissed for being pg is an "automatically unfair dismissal"? Apparently the probationary period makes no odds in a case of automatically unfair dismissal.

Twinklemegan · 24/06/2008 22:31

I spent ages afraid to change jobs while TTC, but only because I couldn't afford to lose out on maternity benefits. In the end I gave up waiting and got a new job anyway. It still took another 2 years.

If maternity benefits don't matter too much to you then don't give it a moment's thought. You can do whatever you want and it's no one's business but yours. There should be no controversy at all IMO.

gillydaffodil · 25/06/2008 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mistlethrush · 25/06/2008 10:05

Hi lots of you!

Ds took 6 yrs to arrive. During this time I moved jobs twice - 1st job I had been sticking with partly as would have got good maternity benefits. However, dead-end job, so moved. Had mc with fairly major health issues associated in the next job (6 mo sick-leave) - ended up unhappy in that job. Applied for another and got an offer. Handed in notice. Got pregnant during working notice. I had informed potential new employees that I was hoping to start a family and would want to reduce hours to 3 dpw if and when - still rather a shock to them when I announced at 14wks when it was becoming difficult to hide the fact. I got statutory maternity benefits - which is all this job offers - even though I didn't comply with the relevant timescales.

I think it could have been moving jobs that was one of the catalysts - together with having the date for actually starting IVF (+ve hpt 3 days before)

Good luck with whatever you decide

olliemorrie · 25/06/2008 10:20

Lesbian couple ttc - I was asked to leave from my job after I blew the whistle on fraud & corruption, and was sitting unemployed while going for treatment. I have in the meantime found the most awesome job, and after I started here, I sat with my boss & informed her that we'd like to start a family. She was perfectly fine with it & we are receiving so much support. We live in South Africa

JollyBear · 25/06/2008 12:13

Hello,

So sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

I was in a slightly different situation as I was just doing temp work after finishing a post grad degree, so no job security or mat benefits to leave behind, but decided not to stop TTC when applying for jobs.

After applying for a few things I was offered a really good job and the next day got a BFP! I can't say it has been easy telling my new employer but it all seems to be working out fine so far. If you can manage without mat leave pay then I'd just go for it.

Hope that helps.

ceedub · 25/06/2008 12:18

Hi everyone, am going through a similar dilemma. Applied for a really good job about a month ago, had the first interview in early june and am due for next interview next week. Got BFP on Monday. Which is great, but it puts me in a bit of a quandary. It's quite a big job, so I'd feel really awkward if I took it on and then 6 months in had to take maternity leave. But I also had a mc in january, so I don't know how much I should assume that I'll go to term this time anyway. Didn't help that I found out the reason the deputy didn't apply for the job was because she has a young family....any advice???

AngelDoll · 25/06/2008 17:43

Ceedub, firstly congratulations on your BFP! I would just see what happens, definately go for the second interview as until you get an offer, there's nothing to consider.
If and when you get an offer, reconsider then. TBH I would focus mainly on yourself, ie can you manage on stat mat pay not the decent maternity pay (if that's part of your current package); would the new job be too stressful compared to current etc. Make a choice that's right for you. Try not to feel guilty, companies make difficult decisions every day which badly affect people's lives and that's the way their cookie crumbles - but it works both ways!
I try to think that ultimately, maternity leave is a fact of life, nobody from your current company will still be moaning in three years time about the person who took maternity leave.
As for the deputy thing, I recognise the significance but that's not like-for-like - that's her personal choice. Perhaps she just can't cope with the promotion, young family or not. Don't assume she made her decision for the good of the company and not herself!

ceedub · 26/06/2008 10:15

Thanks AngelDoll, that's really helpful. I think you're right, no point in getting worked up about it before I've even been offered anything! It would be much less stressful than my current job, and the conditions and pay are much better, so I'd feel a bit silly to not go for it...

ceedub · 01/07/2008 11:30

Hi everyone, me again with the same dilemma. I got offered the job yesterday: It's better pay and conditions than where I am at the moment. Still the same problem though. I have a 3-month notice period at my current job, which means I'd be starting the new job around 16 weeks, and would almost definitely be starting to show. Even worse, I have a 6-month probationary period at the new job. So my maternity leave would start while I was on probation! Legally, I'm protected, but practically I know they'd be unimpressed, and I'd effectively be starting off on the wrong foot. not to mention all the stress associated with trying to establish myself when I probably won't be at my most professionally impressive (tired, bit vague etc). DP thinks I should take it anyway as my current job is quite stressful. Mum thinks I should stay put. What do people think???

beaniesteve · 01/07/2008 11:33

Don't you have to have worked somewhere for a certain amount of months/years before you are entitled to maternity leave anyway? I wouldn't change my job now (Well not by leaving the company I work for) because I assume I would lose my benefits and I might not be in a safe place when it comes to going back after maternity leave.