Considering IVF again at 42 for a third child with frozen embryos

[Hopefulmama3]

Hi Everyone,
I just want to start by saying I know for some this post will hurt deeply. I remember reading similar posts to this and being so triggered and full of anger. I want to apologize if you are one of those people.
After multiple surgeries and consecutive miscarriages, 8 rounds of IVF and 12 transfers I am more than familiar with the pain of infertility. That said I am one of the lucky ones I have had success twice and feel so grateful to have two children and still can’t quite believe that I do. On our last round we were left with embryos (this never happened before) I always wanted three children and absolutely want to use those embryos. I’m so scared to go back to the world of injections and scans and heartbreak again but I also can’t leave them knowing there’s a chance of having a third child and something deep inside tells me there is. Probably delusional but hope and optimism are all we can take control of in this gut wrenching infertility world. It’s so hard not to get angry when you see others fall
pregnant so easily and we have to work so hard to build a family. We are so broke both financially and emotionally. It turns your world upside down and inside out. I’m so sorry and sending so much love to anyone reading this that’s in the trenches right now. It’s the worst place to be with no guarantees of anything just a blind love that keeps pushing us through the suffering. Is there anyone here that has been in a similar position that has gone on to have success with an attempt for a third child. Has anyone had more than one live birth from the same batch of embryos? Am I crazy to be considering this at 42? Thanks for taking the time to read. Big love to all. Xxx

OP, I am in absolute awe of the journey you have been on. You must be an incredibly strong and resilient oerson to go through so much heartbreak and keep going. I applaud you!

That being said, I would examine your feelings carefully on this one. Are you sure you're not doing this "because you can", because you don't like the idea of the leftover embryos? That's not the right reason to have a baby, especially when you already have two healthy children and it means opening yourself to the possibility of further loss and pain and you're broke. Raising a child is expensive these days. What does your DH think? Maybe you could consider donating your remaining embryo to bring hope to a childless couple?

Good luck OP with your decision. I wish you all the best.

I think if you have the strength to push through more rounds then absolutely use your embryos. id go through all the loss and heartbreak in a heartbeat if it means i have the children i have now.. Who cares how old you are, your age doesnt take away the ability to raise a child. I think if you can afford to do ivf rounds then you can afford the child. I am 40, have mainly older kids now, older teens and adults. We started over 5yrs ago, its been a bit of a journey and have had some big losses but we have 2 more children 4 and 2 and its worth everything I went through. We are currently trying for one more and so far have gone through 3 egg collections, a mc at 7 weeks and nothing to freeze from any of the rounds. I have a consult this week to discuss whether we keep trying or give up or if we try something new with different meds. I just think you have to be realistic with yourself that those embryos may not work but if you dont try you won't ever know.

I went through a very similar experience OP and if I could I’d use my frozen embryos in a heartbeat sadly I’m divorced now - but when you go through so much so create them there is nothing wrong in wanting to give them a chance x

I've been there, the thought of those eggs sitting there unused can tear you up. I honestly don't think you should go for the third. There's a higher chance of twins (I had unexpected IVF twins), there's also a much higher chance of complications (I also had with my IVF over 40) and both children have (mild luckily) disabilities, it was really hard. Especially if you're already emotionally and financially drained, this may not be the best idea hon 💐

We did the same but 5 years younger than you. 2nd and 3rd child were from the same embryo batch. I did have guilt sitting in the waiting room and was careful to never take my other children or mention them in the public space. We knew we wanted 3 and you have the same right as anyone else to go for it. We actually still have 2 embryos left, but we know we're absolutely done at 3! I'd alway have wondered if we hadn't gone for it. I do still think of my last 2 embryos (we can't bear to bin them!) but not in the same way anymore. Once our little boy was born we knew instantly we were complete.

I was incredibly grateful for my two healthy children and decided to stop there. They are now teenagers and although I had a brief blip when the youngest went to nursery it’s not a decision we’ve ever regretted. We’re now in the saving for university and retirement years and I wonder how we would have coped with a younger child in the mix.

It probably helps that I’m one of three and never really wanted that dynamic for my own family.

I had my DS after five rounds of IVF, and my DD at 42 after three rounds with frozen embryos. She graduated last summer and I am listening to her get ready for work now. For me, I couldn’t stop until all options were exhausted. The process with frozen embryos was less gruelling. I have got lots of benefits from being an older mum. I feel unbelievably lucky. Just to share the positives with you.

However, while I couldn’t stop while there was still a possibility, I completely understand why others do - emotionally it is so totally all consuming and draining. And that’s before you even look at the financing.

We had embryos left after DD arrived. I would have been 44 at least if we had tried again. We released the last embryos to be used for fertility research, which felt like the best thing we could do.

I am so very deeply sorry. I cannot imagine what it’s like to go through that whole process and then your relationship to break down. There’s no denying the toll infertility takes on a relationship. I’m truly sorry your marriage ended. You poor thing. Very difficult after everything you went through to make embryos. Sending lots of love and strength. I hope your future is bright you deserve it xx

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You have given me lots of hope xo

I completely understand OP.
I had leftover embryos and I knew deep down I was so happy with the family we had that more wouldn't be for the right reasons, iyswim. It was hard to release the embryos for research but it was right for us. Take my two healthy pregnancies and stop on a high note!

But you might not feel the same. Just be cautious whether all of this has made you see pregnancy as "winning" when or if it's not necessarily the right thing for everyone in the family. Best of luck whatever you choose.

If you're broke financially then perhaps not. But if you will only be happy with three and prepare yourself and DP for the toll, then no-one would think badly.

When you say you are ‘so broke’ financially can you afford IVF again?