What would you do?

[Whattodonext101]

Hi

essentially I am going round in circles in my mind, have spoken to my partner and also friends but I thought it might help to ask “what would you do if you were me”, so here’s the short summary:

• I turn 35 this summer and would like children
• My partner is the most wonderful human being, he is a year older and have been together coming up to two years, we want the same things
• For a good few months now I have been drowning in the desire to have children, I have always thought I wanted them but it’s like it has hit me, and a parental bereavement recently has probably made me realise what is important to me
• I can’t seem to shake the fear of what if I have left it too late, I am otherwise very fit and no health issues that I know of, but fully aware of all unexplained fertility etc
• Partner and I would like to be married first, we have agreed to get married next summer, he would like to formally propose (fine although I am not so fussed)
• I’m usually such a calm headed person but the idea of leaving something like this too late is sending me borderline insane, I seem to be surrounded by people who are struggling with their fertility
• I know there are people who conceive later, but also there’s many who don’t
• I’m worried that starting to try when I am 36 (after being married next year) will be cutting it fine

I’m feeling very sensitive about it all so would appreciate some kind but also very honest advice, what would you do if you were me? 🌺 would you consider getting your eggs frozen?

Also, I have to be honest, we have talked about getting married for around 5 months and so I would have thought the proposal would come by now, he’s keen to do it but I’m getting a bit anxious as I know venues book up way in advance, and I don’t want to come off the pill until that stage ideally 🌷

Thank you all xx

If you've agreed to get married next summer, then you're already engaged. Start booking a venue and caterers.

It's not too late, but you do need to get a wiggle on. Some men don't have a good understanding of fertility and how age can affect that so you may need to really spell it out for him. If he's as keen as you to have a family, he'll understand the urgency.

Honestly I wouldn’t hang around if you know you absolutely want children and he feels the same. I wouldn’t bother with egg freezing at 35, I would just crack on with TTC, have a quick registry office wedding in the next few months so that you have the legal bit done and then you can have your engagement and big wedding if you want one any time. Big weddings can wait, TTC potentially can’t.

I’d get legally married in a registry office and start trying asap. If you want a bells and whistles wedding you can do it whenever. I would not get pregnant without being married.

Yes, as above. In your circumstances I would get married in a registry office soon, then start TTC, and organise a big party to celebrate next summer.

If your DP isn't on board with that, I'd get married next summer and then start TTC.

i wouldn't get pregnant now or freeze my eggs.

Thank you this is honestly so helpful and kindly written, I’m absolutely adamant I’m not getting pregnant until we are married, I guess I’d always wanted to do it all properly in one go instead of in two stages, but I guess life isn’t always going to work that way! I am the higher earner / own the house outright so tbh it’s in his interests to get me down the aisle 🤣

Each to their own, but my view is that you can get married at any point in your lives, your body clock is ticking! If you desperately want to be a mum I’d do that first. I had the same desperate urge at 37 and fortunately got pregnant super quickly (although it would appear having a second is proving more difficult). We’re not married, we can do that whenever, but we do have the most perfect daughter, which in my opinion is far more important

Also toddlers make beautiful page boys/flower girls 😂

In which case go for it.

Get married sooner rather than later then and crack on ttc. There was a thread on here a while back where a poster said "why did noone tell me to get on with ttc and stop waiting?" You know you want to do it- so do it!!
Book a registry office and start ttc!!

We bought a house, got engaged, and started trying pretty much on our wedding night. I was 29, he was 34. It took us a few years to have our baby due to a few miscarriages. Time was on our side thankfully but if I was in your shoes I'd have a registry office wedding (we did ours in a little hotel with our parents and siblings and then had a lovely dinner after. We just went home and invited our closest friends over for a drink and nibbles later) and have the big celebration in the future!

You are still young and you may get pregnant quickly and have an uneventful pregnancy. But what if you want more than 1 child? It puts pressure on age gaps etc.

You know you are getting married and both want kids so fo for it and enjoy it