TTC number 2 at 40+

[Sonic85]

We’ve been TTC for around 8 months now and no success so far.
DS was conceived pretty easily about 3 years ago, when I was 38. I’m now 40 (soon to be 41). We haven’t really prevented anything from happening since he was born, but my period didn’t come back until after I completely stopped BF. First few cycles were quite long and periods light, but they seem to be pretty much back to normal now.
I’ve contacted the GP and had basic blood tests - all normal and confirmed ovulation. I also do OPKs and BBT every month.
Just wondering if anyone is in a similar situation and/or has any advice or positive experiences to share :)

Don't worry about it 37,39,41 last were twins and I've currently got 2 friends 43 and 44 who are expecting both in April which I'm excited about.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m really glad it worked out for you - and twins! How lovely :)

Hello sonic.

Im assuming we are born in the same year (85)! Very similar timings for me. First baby born when I was 37 and I’m now 18 weeks pregnant with number two and have just turned 41. It took us eight months and one thing we did differently on the last month was to use preseed ovulation, and to really concentrate on DTD before ovulation.

We had got a bit weary of the process so just do every other day from beginning of physical signs of fertile window.

I also fibbed to the GP and said w eve had been trying for longer to get an internal scan + sperm tests, which were fine, but gave me some reassurance while I was doubting our chances.

hang in there!
xxx

Hi Wirelessbird!

Yes, I was born in 85 :)
Thank you for your reply, it’s really reassuring. I’ll look into preseed!
I think I needed to hear your positive words today because I’ve been feeling down since my period arrived. I find some months harder than others.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! :)

xxx

I know exactly how you feel. I found it really really difficult. A rollercoaster of emotions every month. It really is a lot to carry in yourself each month. I really worried about my (our) age and sought our positive stories like you and found lots of them.

Oh I also remember that when I got pregnant with my first I fell asleep before going to the toilet after DTD. And wondered whether that allowed the sperm to benefit from gravity. So the cycle we conceived I stayed on the bed for ages before getting up. Who knows if any of it worked.

Hey, hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread,
I'm 40 this month ans weve currently been trying for baby no2 since September 2024 🥴
I had a miscarriage in June 😔, my 3rd after suffering 2 before my 🌈 baby was born in 2022.
My GP referred us for tests after my last miscarriage but everything has come back normal and basically told us its a numbers game and to keep going. So here we are! Still trying and being disappointed every month.
I was feeling possitve this month after having a strong positive ovulation test 3 days ago but woken this morning to heavy bleeding so assuming my period 🤔 bit fed up of it all tbh and not sure whether to give up. But how do you get past that feeling of your family not being complete 😪 my little boy not having a sibling to grow up with.

@Wirelessbird Thank you. Yes it’s definitely a rollercoaster of emotions every month! Exactly- so hard to know if anything makes a difference but thank you for the tips!

@Scoaf I’m really sorry to hear it’s been such a long and difficult journey for you. The losses must have been devastating.
I also have a feeling that our family isn’t complete but sometimes think about giving up because I do struggle with the disappointment every month 😔Last month I was convinced I was pregnant because my temperature was still high the day before my period was due (it usually starts dropping a couple of days before) but I think I probably just had a virus or something! This month I decided not to continue taking my temperature after ovulation to avoid getting my hopes up again, but my period was a bit late so of course I started to hope! I find it so hard to stop thinking about it constantly!
I’m sorry for what you are going through

@Sonic85thanks so much for your reply.
Its been a tough ride but it was worth it for my little boy. Just wish we could give him a brother or sister.
I'm sorry for what youre going through.
The wait every month and the hope when something is different or period is late is so cruel isn't it.
Ive had lots of weird things recently, my cycle in December was 10 days late so I obviously thought I was pregnant then.
This cycle i ovulated 3 days ago and it was a really strong test and I was feeling quite possible, new year and all that, but then this morning I had bright red bleeding and passed a clot but now nothing ( sorry TMI) its just a constant guessing game.

@Sonic85 would you be able to afford IVF? For anyone 40+ who is deadly serious about wanting a child, this is often the best option if you have an AMH and FSH level that would allow a decent ovarian response. If you test it also helps to dodge the miscarriage gauntlet.

@Scoaf have you had any more bleeding? 3DPO seems way too early for AF? You’re right, anything out of the ordinary makes us hope! 10 days late? Of course you would think you were pregnant. These tricks our bodies like to play on us are cruel indeed 😢

@sirensong Thank you for your reply. To be honest, I haven’t thought much about IVF because I was under the impression that at this age there wasn’t much difference in terms of success rates between doing that and trying naturally. I should look into it more. We could probably afford a couple of rounds, but not sure that would be enough. I don’t know my AMH but my FSH was 7.9 when I was tested, which I think is OK for my age

Oh let me join you. I have a 3yo too and I'm 42 now. Been trying again for maybe 18m or longer, I've lost track.
I did have three miscarriages at first , all before 9 weeks and then since June nothing.
Im 3dpo now.
Fingers crossed.

It's great to hear @Rayqueen2026 post. It brings some hope. X

@Sonic85 your FSH looks fine!

At 40/ 41/ 42 the most critical consideration is time, because as you edge into 42/43 the door is closed for the majority (becomes reliant on upper 10% fertility or scratchcard winner luck). Spending multiple months TTC and facing the gauntlet of recurrent loss runs down the clock. If a pregnancy occurs and it's doomed because of chromosomal abnormality, that can take months to resolve.

Trying naturally, someone has 12 chances over a year (unless someone starts double ovulating). IVF cuts to the chase fast (particularly if you test the embryos to locate the normal ones) and could give you a year's worth of chances in one go.

The success rate is higher than TTC naturally. You know for definite whether fertilisation has happened and if problems are identified, they're addressed (eg. sperm injected directly into the egg). You transfer the strongest embryo and ensure endometrial conditions are optimal.

Caveats: If someone has diminished reserve/AMH is low and FSH is high, IVF is not necessarily worth it because the ovarian response may be too minimal. It's also a financial gamble for anyone who is older, as finding a normal embryo (a euploid) can still be impossible. At 40, the % of normal embryos is around 40%. By 43 it's 15%. If you do locate a euploid, you reset time and your chances rocket.

I got pregnant at 42 after 4 months of TTC for the first time. After it ended in loss I looked at the stats and the urgency of the time remaining and went straight to IVF to embryo bank in back to back cycles despite no big history of problems.

An interesting thing about IVF is seeing all of the development stages/ possible failure points out in the open. Nobody is getting pregnant or not because of seeds or juice or putting their legs up. The progesterone fixation is misguided and sperm regularly meets egg.

This is some of what is happening under the bonnet:

• The egg needs to be fully mature and high enough quality to be fertilised normally
• The sperm needs to be able to penetrate the egg's shell. Some men have low levels of the enzyme required.
• Both the egg and the sperm need to be high enough quality for the resulting embryo to be able to develop as far as blastocyst stage, which requires major cell energy (this happens 5 or 6 days after fertilisation - if the embryo is too slow to develop it could miss the implantation window)
• Over half of embryos are incapable of reaching the blastocyst stage and arrest or disinitegrate. Someone TTC naturally would see a negative and have no idea this is what has happened. Or they reach blastocyst at a grade which is too poor to implant/ becomes a chemical.
• Most critically, the embryo needs to have the correct number of chromosomes. Even 30 year olds have almost half abnormal eggs. This is the main reason it can take even young people months to get pregnant and why there are so many early losses - nothing to do with insufficient progesterone or sexual position.
• If the embryo was normal, loss after an established pregnancy can still happen if sperm DNA fragmentation was high

Suggest the following and then deciding how to proceed

• AMH blood test
• A scan to check your follicle count and make sure your uterus looks fine
• Semen analysis

Whichever path you take, also suggest your partner cutting alcohol and taking antioxidant supplements if not already. Older eggs can't correct imperfect sperm in the way younger eggs can.

Ar 40 you still have it all to play for. Good luck!

@Sonic85
No bleeding at all since, very odd, think i may go to the GP as its worried me slightly.
Honestly it drives you mad doesnt it, all the guessing games and tricks your body plays on you.

I’m pregnant just turned 41 after 5 months of trying. This was longer than with my first two children longer ago.

Make sure your husband/partner has optimal sperm. That means low to no alcohol, energy drinks, hot baths, tights trousers etc. Sperm matures over 90 days, and it wasn’t until three months after my partner made lifestyle changes that we finally fell pregnant. It likely wasn’t an issue with me, it was likely an issue with DNA fragmentation in my partner.

Hi all. Currently starting ttc journey again after a break folllowing 2 losses in 8 months. Last miscarriage confirmed 8th December…. I’ve still yet to have a proper period. Did a pregnancy test tonight as was hopeful I could be pregnant as a few symptoms, but alas, a BFN. Went to GP on Friday, she was lovely, said she’s going to write to gynae and see if they’ll consider a referral due to my age despite “only” 2 miscarriages. We are considering private IVF but said to partner I want to give my body a few months to regulate and hoping for one last chance before looking at that route.

I’m not sure why you are gleeful about lying to get NHS money spent on you when you didn’t need it. We all pay for those scans and those tests, and you having appointments simply delays someone who actually does need it. They have a time period in the referral criteria for a reason, not just because you don’t want to wait and are getting ‘doubtful’. I know you think this is perfectly acceptable and harmless behaviour, but I actually think it’s pretty selfishly wasting a precious resource and deserves to be called out.

Anyway, back to the thread. OP, plenty of women have babies well into their 40s (my first was born when l was 40, the second when I was 42 - both pregnancies uneventful and babies born healthy). I know it might not feel like it, but 8 months isn’t long. It sounds like all tests so far would point to you just needing more time, as frustrating as that is. I hope you get your BFP soon!

@sexnotgenders an issue is that at 41 and 42 only around 3 eggs a year will typically be chromomally normal, and then everything else also has to line up in terms of quality and conditions, so it becomes a big gamble to continue spontaneous attempts.

Medical cycles are of course also a big gamble but they use your egg quality as it is right now, not 6 months or 9 months down the line with successive standard methods and declining quality.

The fertility dip that happens between 35 and 40 happens again between 40 and 42 and then again between 42 and 43. This is the cliff that doesn't happen at 35.

Well luckily it doesn’t matter much to me what a random person thinks of my choices! Especially when you have very little information to understand why I chose to make them. What an odd thing to get angry about.

@sirensong Thank you for your detailed response. What you’ve said makes a lot of sense and I’ll definitely give it more thought. DH is going to get a semen analysis this week, so hopefully that will come back OK, and then I’ll look into more testing.

Welcome everyone and fingers crossed for this cycle! I’m currently CD11.

Random question: I’ve noticed that I either seem to ovulate around day 15 or around day 20. It tends to alternate, so my cycle is 28 days one month and then 33 days the next. I’m guessing one ovary releases the egg earlier than the other. Does anyone else experience this?

I can highly recommend the clear blue digital ovulation test, which tells you exactly when you are ovulating because it will give you a solid O. I used it to conceive my daughter 10 years ago and never looked back!

This. Time is of the essence so whether that looks like some more investigation or moving straight to IVF. Waiting a year at 40+ to see what happens is not reasonable and not everybody has enough money to go private.

I also echo something another poster said about male lifestyle change. My partner started cold water swimming after hearing about the positive effects on sperm and we got pregnant about three months later.

Hello all just dropping in to say I had a third at 41/2 and it was my best pregnancy by far. (I have terrible pregnancies but it was by far the least terrible.) I had the first two at 31/2 and 34. Also none of the midwives etc seemed to think it was particularly old at all, I was surprised.