Should I feel this way? *sensitive topic*

[KKD90]

A friend of my recently had a miscarriage, I was there for her and I still am, we call each other every other day. I check in even if I haven’t heard from her. She said a strange comment recently, it was something like ‘I don’t need IVF, there isn’t anything wrong with me. I have seen positive tests so I can concieve’ - fully knowing I have been trying for months, I have never seen a positive, a CP or a miscarriage. There is potentially that I might have to go down the IVF route, as I have low AMH. I just feel like I have to be really careful who I share my information with, when in reality we both want the same things.

I just wish she was considerate the way I am with her. I look out for her and I think about things in every perspective to ensure I don’t hurt the closest people around me..Is it wrong to fee this way?

She was grieving for her own miscarriage and confiding in a good friend, it wasn’t about you, let it go. Plus it’s factual isn’t it? She knows she can conceive, so is unlikely to need IVF

I've had a similar experience op and yes it stung.
But my friend was grieving and was feeling pretty angry with the world so I tried not to over think it.

Hope your ok though.

I don't see what she said wrong to be honest. She was making comments about her own health. Nothing to do with you.
I've had lots of miscarriages. I don't get all put out if a friend says they haven't had any miscarriages.

If, however, you personally find it difficult to hear, that's understandable. She wasn't wrong to say it, but you are allowed to feel 'illogically' upset by it iyswim. If you think it would be better for the friendship to stop discussing fertility, just ask this of her.

She was tactless saying it, but as someone who has had recurrent miscarriages, knowing you can conceive really doesn’t mean anything to me now. As it just means I have another miscarriage. Perhaps she is trying to make herself feel better and give herself hope it will work out in future. As miscarriages are devastating. I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be hurtful to you

Completely acknowledged that too. It wasn’t until a few weeks after when the comment was made. I am okay thank you, we all have feelings and emotions right. X

Makes sense to feel that way, just as it might sting for your friend if she heard someone say ‘I’ve never needed to go to EPU, all my babies stuck first time’. So yeah totally makes sense you’d feel a bit crap that you’re technically in the category she’s looking down on

but as others have said it’s good to keep that perspective in balance. You can feel that way and also understand she was just trying to reassure herself and probably not spiral with worry. I also have had many miscarriages and it hardly makes me feel like ‘well at least I can get pregnant’. I literally have never felt that. It’s hard no matter what the experience

I agree. It is tough, I am facing my own challenges. My point in all this is, 1) I understand she is grieving 2) we are all and both going through things 3) I have continued to be there for her and will always be a friend to her. Her commenting on not needing IVF because nothing was wrong with her was a bit of a hit for me personally, and I understand she was trying to make herself for better, but it still hurt. She may need IVF or some assistance, who knows. But there isn’t anything wrong with it.

I also made gentle suggestions for getting a full fertility test, asking her partner to test too. She full on blurted out her husband drinks and is probably the reason it isn’t happening, and that she hadn’t had her period for 3 months. But besides all of this, I am by her side, I listen and advise where she asks.

thank you all for your perspectives. x

@KKD90 Yes she's not been fair because while she has been through difficulties, she's said things that were hurtful and insensitive. Meanwhile you've been through difficulties and not done that. That's the caveat to having close friends. The closeness you have between you doesn't change that both of you may have different maturity levels, and that may vary topic to topic or dependant on context. Nobody wants to feel like 'when I'm down I'm still there for you, but when you're down you say things that hurt me.' Having someone who can be mature about things that are sensitive to you is a valid thing to want and need. Again I don't think that makes her bad, but what she said was bad, nobody is perfect and you have every right to protect yourself with distance or less info or whatever would help :) sometimes we just need that validation that what happened was unfair