Just feeling so meh this morning

[Katie1900]

9/10dpo and I just need to vent.
Negative this morning but convincing myself maybe I see a line which I don't 🙄
I'm just so tired I want to not want a baby anymore so I don't have to go through this.
I'm not pregnant, I'm never pregnant and I never will be pregnant and I think I'm just ready to accept that.
Sorry everyone just so tired this morning after this negatives😞

I'm sorry you're feeling down today, and I hope you feel better as the week progresses.

As you correctly stated, the tests are negative and in most cases (including all my pregnancies) 9DPO is too early to get a positive hCG test.

I don't know your background or the circumstances regarding your fertility challenges, so I can only wish you well.

Do you want to talk to us about your journey so far? How long have you been trying? Do you have any support?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this

Thanks for your replies it's just hard sometimes. You see all these people online getting positives so early and when it gets to 10dpo you feel like that's it your out!
It's just so unbelievably hard!
I had a chemical in January about 5 weeks along and since then nothing. About a year and a half into it now and I'm 35 so I just feel like it's time to give up 😔

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down - it's understandable. I feel like this at times. For me, I listen to positive affirmations. I know it's not for everyone but it really does help me.

I listen to Neville Goddard every morning -

But I would also recommend listening to or reading the book - Manifest by Roxi Nafousi - after listening to this it honestly changed my whole outlook on life..

I hope you feel better soon x

My friend gave me some advice - she was TTC for 4 years (started age 39).. She said she was obsessed with it for 4 solid years to the point where it gave her serious anxiety, it's all she thought about. When she turned 43 she said she gave up on the idea of having a baby, and booked in to have an implant put in. The implant appointment was 6 weeks away, and on the day of her appointment they had to do a pregnancy test before putting in the implant - turned out she was pregnant. She said the second she stopped thinking about having a baby, she fell pregnant. Her advice to me (I am on cycle 3) was to not think or obsess over it - just relax and trust that it will happen at the right moment. She has a a beautiful baby boy and wouldn't change a thing.

Can we please stop telling people to "just relax" and that will fix all issues? Drives me up the wall! Statically speaking, a lot of women will get pregnant eventually, but it can take a lot longer than expected. That doesn't mean "just relaxing" is some magical cure to make it happen. You need an incredibly high level of cortisol in your body consistently for it to impact fertility. A level most of us will never see.

Yes - we need to try to not obsess (hard as that is) but saying "relax" is the most unhelpful advice to anyone actually struggling with their fertility journey as opposed to perhaps a helpful comment before or as you start.

Wowzas - I just passed on an anecdotal story that was shared with me which I personally found helpful. At no point did I tell the OP to relax or not obsess, I told a small story about what my friend had experienced.

Sorry that hearing other peoples experiences drives you up the wall.

@Moosey898 wow that was a bit harsh don' you think? besides @thismonthsfad does have a point as hard as it is to hear I know because i've also been there it is true! the less you stress and worry about it the better! i had a chemical and it took me a long time after to conceive also but i was soo obsessed with getting pregnant that it was not healthy! the month i finally relaxed and didn't think about it as much, i conceived, so whether it drives you up the wall or not it's true at least for me and plenty of other women 😊

Sorry you're feeling like this today. I know its already been pointed out above, but 9/10dpo is still early for a positive. I know its hard but if you can hold off til 12dpo or the day after you expected your period to arrive the results will be more accurate.

Have you gotten any support? I feel the same some days and it is rough, no point in pretending otherwise.

Thank you @Ec2808 - that response really threw me because when my friend shared that with me, I was so grateful to her for confiding in me and I really did find her advice helpful. I do have an addictive personality type, and I really don't want to go down that road with TTC so I am forever grateful to her for sharing her journey with me.
Congratulations on your pregnancy 💖 you must be super thrilled ✨

you are welcome and exactly it is helpful! i also didn't want to hear it but it actually was the only advice that made a difference for me so that's saying something..thank you soo much I was soo soo happy hopefully all goes well and get to meet baby in may 😍

I'm glad it helped you. When you go through a long and difficult journey to try to start a family (and don't have the outcome as your friend did, which of course makes it easy to say), it can feel very different. And you hear that "just relax" from a lot of well meaning people without realising that it can actually sound like blaming the woman for the situation, which of course is not true.

I'm also allowed an opinion as you are...please don't forget that yours is also not the only view.

thinking that try and relax sound like blame yourself must also just be a point of view and we obviously don' share the some opinion on this, sorry 😊you're allowed an opinion just try not to take everything so personal pp wasn't blaming or trying to hurt anyone, just sharing a story 😊

I also have another friend who has been TTC for 13 years without success - in no way has she ever been offended or upset if anyone has ever suggested that 'she relaxes'.. Ultimately we're all different and people interpret advice in different ways. My intention was to share something that I found helpful, it wasn't helpful to you which is fair enough but it may be helpful to someone else.

thismonthsfad out of interest, are they working with a fertility specialist? I only ask as I am looking at next steps and 13 years seems such a long time

They explored the option of seeing a specialist privately and NHS - they were both told that before any sort of procedures will be carried out they needed to lose weight. That was about 5 years ago, they haven't progressed anything since and have accepted where they are - they're both living life to the fullest, travelling and seem happy.
I do know another couple who were in the same boat, they explored IVF, she had to lose 4 stone and did it... They were successful wit IVF and had a baby girl.

These early tests are nothing but psychological torture, I have ample experience. Imho you really ought to stop this torture. Just do LH tests to track your ovulation (thus tracking your cycle) and if your period is late, only then should you pick up an hCG test stick and pee on it. Seriously. Do not sell your sanity for the sake of what will no doubt be a mountain of negatives. Do not do this to yourself any longer. Do not test until your period is at least a day late. I waited 3 days before testing as my cycles can sometimes be a bit wonky.

All the best xx

That is fair. I could also share stories of friends who stopped trying - one who did and had a baby, one who did and lost the baby to stillbirth and another who stopped and never got pregnant (didn't go back on birth control, just was never lucky enough to conceive).

I understand it may help some people. To me, anecdotal stories don't help because they aren't statistically significant in any way and don't mean the same outcome would necessarily be repeated for anyone else (yep, I'm a numbers and science girl!).

Should also add I've had a brutal TTC journey so far. Definitely changes how you perceive things.

Have you had your thyroid checked? This was my issue and resulted in several chemicals. Once sorted, I had my baby girl x

Wow thanks everyone for your replies! I had my thyroid checked about 10 years ago and it was fine. Ive lost just over 7 stone this year and that hasn't helped so kind of at a loss.

I do appreciate everyone's experiences and stories as it's all from a good place and we all have so many different experiences.

I am only testing this early because I hate these little tests and just getting rid of them so testing a bit more. I personally believe you should test when you want or don't want it is everyone's personal preference. If I hadn't tested early I wouldn't have found my chemical which made me so happy and gave me hope for a few weeks. I'm glad I had that experience as it may be the last time I ever see a positive test.

I am feeling a bit better this afternoon so thanks everyone 😊

I just wanted to say - well done on losing 7 stone... 7 STONE!!!!! That's a massive massive achievement. I lost 3 stone last year and have been swanning around like billy big balls, but that's nothing compared to 7 stone ❤️

@Katie1900glad you're feeling a bit better, I can understand the obsessive feeling - I had it after two back to back miscarriages. If, after six months, you aren't getting anywhere my only suggestion is to pay for private tests and the NHS ones only scratch the surface.

@Moosey898I agree about the anecdotes about how people relaxed and it happened. It's a confirmation bias, statiscally there will be those who after they "relaxed" became pregnant, same way as there will be plenty who don't become pregnant after relaxing. Unfortunately we only hear about when it does happen so there's a false perception that there's a causation there. This also drives a belief that the woman is to blame as she's "not relaxing".

I know you know you all this. But I just wanted to say I understand why the anecdote got to you. I'd have been the same - people who haven't walked the road won't know xx

@ThelastRolo20 ive already got a daughter so I don't think the nhs would want to know. Also the medical route just isn't for us we've decided what happens, happens I honestly don't have it in me for medical intervention I have huge health anxiety from being seriously ill about 10 years ago and I won't go to the Dr's for anything so it would make me worse.

@thismonthsfad thanks and congrats on loosing 3 stone! That's amazing I could still do with loosing about a stone and half more which I'm trying to do! I did loose weight thinking it would help between me and DH we've lost over 14 stone and still not helped!

@Katie1900ah I see and I completely understand, I always said after my 2 miscarriages that the next pregnancy was the last attempt. We already had a daughter and like you just didn't want the medical intervention.

As it happens it was successful and we had our second daughter, but I was preparing myself for a different outcome x