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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Are toddlers tough work? Should I wait to have the next baby?

14 replies

CreativeNest · 21/10/2025 21:21

I have a 15 month old. DH and I were thinking of starting to try and conceive our second when she is 18 months. If I do end up getting pregnant in our first month of trying my first born will be 2 years and 3 months. Although she has her moments of being fussy at times, she generally is easygoing. However I'm worried for when she becomes 2 or 3 years old as I've heard terms like the 'terrible twos' and 'threenager'. It makes me question if I should have a second within the next year because if it's going to become a lot harder with my toddler I'm afraid I won't be able to deal with a newborn and a toddler at the same time. Part of me is convinced that mothers are amazing and no matter how hard it is they can push through and make it all work out. However at the same time i just truly want to know, how hard is it really?

OP posts:

ByTwinklyDreamer · 21/10/2025 21:22

CreativeNest · 21/10/2025 21:21

I found the first year a lot harder than the toddler years.

Fluffyowl00 · 21/10/2025 21:24

It’s all hard. 4 also has a ‘I’m a big boy now I dont want to do that’ phase (that lasts a long time!) I’d try now and see. It’ll all be fine..if a bit manic. I know of someone who has a 6 and 1 year old and there’s a lot of jealousy. Depends on personality. You’ve done it once, you’ve got this! The plus side is that this time you’ll be more blasé about
most things and get to enjoy it a bit more!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/10/2025 21:25

That's the age gap I had with my first two babies.

Then I repeated it all ten years later with the third and fourth.

It was fine, both times.

YellowCrayola · 21/10/2025 21:27

Honestly if you want them relatively close in age don’t overthink it. My eldest (very high needs baby) was a dream at age 1 and 2 but 3 and 4 were extremely difficult. Youngest was more a stereotypical terrible 2 then calmed right down again (he was a chill baby). You can’t predict it really.

Koolandorthegang · 21/10/2025 21:28

I have a small age gap (18 months) and it was really tough at the beginning but they are best mates now at 4 and 5. I know that can all change but personally i think a bigger gap like 3.5/4 years sounds really hard. They are at different stages, one is in school and needs support while the other is a baby, they have different interests and probably won’t play together. A smaller age gap is harder at the beginning but I think it pays off when you get past the first year or so. I’d crack on if I were you

Chick981 · 21/10/2025 21:30

Don’t overthink it, you don’t know how long it will take anyway. Basically start trying with the smallest age gap you would feel comfortable with. 2 years 3 months is a very normal age gap.

Yes toddlers are hard work, but then I’ve found 3, 4 and 5 all to be tough ages too

Lottie6712 · 21/10/2025 21:55

Definitely don't overthink it and just do what feels right to you. We weren't ready for number 2 as early, so we have a 3 year gap - and love it! But maybe we'd have loved a smaller gap too :) xx

Millie90 · 21/10/2025 22:06

At this age, they need all your love and attention as they start to grow up and learn knew things. It's a wonderful age! Why not be present for the child you have rather than rushing into having another one.

schoolrundashsprint · 21/10/2025 22:09

I have a 2 year 3 month age gap between mine. Our first was and remains a dream to raise so adding in a second baby was fine. My second however has been tricky and intense - a stereotypical toddler. I'm really keen on a third (definitely not put off by the experience!) but I wouldn't have been able to enjoy a newborn in the same way if I'd had them when my second was 2 years 3 months. We've opted for a bigger gap this time. I wouldn't change the age gap we do have for our two now though, it's so wonderful to see our children playing together. They're 5 and 3 now and the challenging bits are so worth it. I'd definitely go for it.

Outside9 · 21/10/2025 23:01

26 month age gap, so conceived when dc1 was ~17 months.

Yes it's hard. It's very hard.

You don't regret it though. Get the suffering out the way.

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/10/2025 23:05

I had twins when DS was 16 months. They are 18 months now and I find it crazy that I also had a 2 month old when DS was this age and it was hard but the close gap was absolutely worth it for us so far - DS is almost 3 now.

idri · 21/10/2025 23:31

To be honest, I would say it’s all pretty hard until they get to about 4 years old.

I had a gap of 2.5 years between my girls & while it was hard, I didn’t find having a second one made a massive amount of difference. They are now 5 & 8. They are really close and they play together all the time. It makes my life a LOT easier.

I would just go for it.

EmPeEf · 22/10/2025 02:44

Toddler is difficult whilst pregnant more than with a baby I’d say. Unless you’ve got a lot of help, I don’t know how someone gets through the tiredness, sickness, bending over, lifting etc!

We went for a four year age gap and it was wonderful.

Wethers121 · 22/10/2025 02:50

We had our 2nd with an age gap of 2x eats 8 months. For us, we didn’t want a big age gap so they would be friends and so that on weekends and holidays the kids would essentially be happy doing to same activities. Eg I didn’t want one in soft play and an older sibling who didn’t want to be there!

Worked great for us and now they’re a little older the gap is really good. I even can biy them joint gifts for Xmas that they’ll happily play together with.

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