How to TTC Without Pressure?

[olr75007]

Hi everyone,

I’m 30 years old and just beginning a new chapter with my partner — we’ve decided to start trying for a baby. It feels exciting… but also a bit overwhelming emotionally.

Some background:
🔹 I stopped the pill in April after several years on it
🔹 My AMH is 2.02, which I’ve been told is perfectly normal
🔹 No known hormonal issues, all labs came back fine
🔹 But I’m not seeing consistent ovulation — sometimes I get no peak on OPKs

This isn’t my first experience with pregnancy. Years ago, I did get pregnant — but it took two full years of not using protection before it happened. Unfortunately, that pregnancy didn’t continue. At the time, I didn’t think too much about why it took so long, but now I can’t help but wonder if I’ve always had irregular ovulation or silent cycles.

Right now, I don’t want to go into full “obsessive mode” — but I also don’t want to waste time.
I find myself constantly thinking about:
— When to test
— When to try
— If we missed the window
— If I should be doing more

And to be honest, I’m worried it’s starting to feel like “pressure” instead of intimacy. I don’t want our sex life to feel like a chore or obligation. At the same time, I want to give ourselves the best chance.

So I guess my questions are:
How do you keep TTC feeling light and connected instead of mechanical?
How do you balance “trying with intention” vs. keeping things emotionally easy and spontaneous?
Has anyone else had long TTC journeys in the past and now trying again with more awareness?

I’d love to hear your experiences — and thank you for creating a space where we can talk openly about all of this.

thanks!

I didn't test for ovulation, but I did have a rough idea of when it should be from my dates, cervical mucus changes, mittelschmerz etc.
I generally didn't tell my husband to avoid pressure on him.
I made sure we also had sex other parts of the month so it was still fun and 'unnecessary' sometimes. But yes there were times it was just, get the job done, go to sleep. Difficult not to, really.
What worked both times for us the first month that we switched to this method, was actually NOT thinking about the window, but instead starting to have sex from literally the moment my period let up enough, every 36 hours ( ie Mon evening, Wed morning, Thu evening- this seemed a lot manageable and spontaneous than every night), until the next period should've come, then obviously didn't. I say spontaneous, it probably seemed like that to DH but was carefully orchestrated by me!

Are you taking folic acid, vitamin D/Pregnacare or similar?

Also, in hindsight, both my babies eventual due dates were 2-3 days later on 12 week scan than they were based on LMP. So I think that means I must've ovulated later than day 14. Probably I was missing the right window in the earlier unsuccessful months TTC, which is why having sex throughout the whole month worked.
Maybe you're testing too early or late if OPKs not picking up? I never bothered to test though.

If you have a rough idea of when you ovulate, based on EWCM etc., I'd leave off the tests altogether. They drove me a bit nuts on my first and it got a bit obsessive. DTD felt like such a chore after a while. And overall it took a lot longer than average, which I now wonder if it was down to being too stressed and overthinking it all, who knows really.
I'm now expecting my second and just focused on DTD every second day from about CD 10-20. I guessed I was ovulating around CD 16 based on EWCM but never tested. I doubt you can miss your fertile days by doing it that way. Obviously adjust the days based on when you reckon you ovulate. Could be a total fluke but I conceived first month doing this method.

When DH and I (34yo) were trying to conceive, I was very quickly consumed by tracking my cycle and convinced myself that something was wrong with me because ovulation tracking showed I had a short luteal phase.

GP ran some tests (which came out normal) but gave me the best advice - stop cycle tracking and DTD at least every other day.

I tracked for another couple of months, putting strain on me and DH, and then decided to stop. Listened to some hypnosis tracks for fertility anxiety, went on holiday, drank alcohol but kept taking my supplements. Might be a coincidence but I got pregnant that month!