I'm 32 and partner 45, are we high risk?

[lily0309]

hello! I am a 32yo woman and my partner is 45. I am looking for stories from others who also have an older husband/partner!

• were you able to conceive easily despite his age?
• were your pregnancies classified 'high risk' ?
• Was the baby born healthy and are your kids healthy?

I am starting to be really anxious and depressed. Having a child is my dream and I would be literally crushed if it cannot happen because of his age :(

Im starting to think that I should have thought about it earlier

ty xx

I was 38 and DH 47 when our DS was born. Conceived first month of trying. I can’t remember anyone asking me how old DH was, or making any comments on my age, during my very straight forward pregnancy. I hope all goes well for you. Try to relax and enjoy x

I would really say you haven’t got much time to waste OP, if any.

Advanced paternal age increases risk of a few things like autism, birth defects & genetic mutations plus over 40 sperm quality declines which makes it harder to get pregnant & stay pregnant.

There will be people who successfully conceived at any age but there are risks the older you get, I wouldn’t delay if a child is important to you

You could have fertility issues at any age OP. Unless your DH has been tested, his sperm might be of great quality. You could invest in a copy of 'It starts with an egg' which has some good tips on things that can help and reduce toxins you both come in contact with.

We started TTC when I was 32 and DH was 38, so not the same gap as yourselves. We TTC 12yrs, lost 3 and had no cause for sub-fertility ever found, despite numerous tests. That isn't common, and most people I know eventually had a child, but you just never know. Wishing you all the best.

At high risk of him not wanting a teenager when his cohort have retired? Unfortunately, yes. I know it’s not what you asked, but honestly for your own sake, do some research about how hard teenagers are before deciding.

I was 38 and DH 45 when I conceived- 2nd month of tracking my cycle. We’d sort of left it to chance prior to that which in hindsight wasn’t enough when actually trying to conceive. DS is healthy and I wasn’t a high risk pregnancy.
We weren’t the ages we’d have liked to be to have a child but life had turned out that way. We adore DS he’s our whole world and we won’t have another as it would put too much pressure on us physically and financially when we’re nearing retirement age.

I had DC1 when I was 33 and DH was 39. 2 months of trying, she's a healthy and happy little person.

I'm now 36 and DH is 42, I'm pregnant with our second. 3 months of trying. 20 week scan was all fine, no problems with either pregnancy tbh apart from feeling bloody shattered this time around. All i did in my twenties was drink, smoke, eat rubbish and go to parties!

My sister had her two boys younger, she was 19 and 23 when they arrived, her DP a similar age. Both boys have autism. My cousin and her DH are both just 30 and super sporty, they are going through ivf, unexplained infertility.

Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to any of it, I wouldn't worry until you have a reason to. Good luck!

My sister got pregnant after 2 months of trying - she was 30 at the time and her DH was 38. Yes, conception will be less likely with an older partner, but there isn't much point in feeling anxious and depressed when presumably you haven't even started trying yet? Just start asap - being 32, you are still very much fertile!

I was 36 and DH was 53 when DS was born. I was only classed high risk because I'm a smoker and had high blood pressure

I was 41 and 43 and my DH 45 and 47. His age didn’t factor at all. I became high risk as I developed type 1 diabetes through my first pregnancy.
A friend had hers when 46 and her husband over 55. Again it was her age they took account of.
All babies now in their 20s and healthy.

do some research about how hard teenagers are before deciding. What an odd response, essentially saying don't have a baby because it will grow into a teenager. Of course it will. And then it'll grow to be an adult.

OP, I think the risk lies more with increasing maternal age rather than paternal age but at 32 you've got time still but I wouldn't leave it another 10years if I were you and wanting to carry my own child.

Mine were born when I was 36 and 38 with an older DH.

I was 25 and my husband was 40. Unfortunately we needed IVF after a few years of TTC without success. We have two IVF kids now. Kids are healthy. My son maybe has autism or is on the spectrum though.

I just don’t think people think about it enough @Makingpeace. We certainly didn’t, and I don’t think I’m alone. I remember discussing whether we wanted ‘a baby’, and some bits about their first few years. Neither of us gave any thought to how we’d cope in fifteen years time for example if our teenager needed home schooling or self harmed for example. I’ve just googled and it’s returned 17% for the latter and more likely with ND, which in turn is more likely with older parents. Problems with teenagers aren’t super rare unfortunately.

Problems at any stage aren't uncommon either though. It's silly to rule out having a much wanted child based on one stage of that child's life, or to project that onto others. This too shall pass. I'm sorry if you've had a tough experience.

I think you’re in the minority though. Most people don’t assume it stays a baby.

For me in this instance though it’s not just about the stage in the child’s life but also what stage that will correlate with in dad’s life. He’s already 45 so even if they start trying today and fell pregnant first time and no issues- let’s say he’s 46 when their baby is born.

Dad will be spending his 50’s chasing around young children at the school gates and in his 60’s dealing with a teenager, personally that wouldn’t be my choice and could be really difficult.

It's you who should be concerned about and not him. Men's fertility remains in high levels well into their sixties. You on the other hand will be in high risk territory in about three years so better get on with it.

After 1 year, 82 in 100 35-39 year old women are pregnant, compared to 86 in 100 27-34 year olds. According to NCT, 'After the age of 35, the age of the father is as much a factor as the woman’s age' so it's nonsense to imply that his age has nothing to do with it. In women under 30, 1 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. In women aged 35 to 39, up to 2 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage.

im not saying rule out having a child because of it @Makingpeace, more just consider what preparation they can do in advance to cope should their teenager have any of the problems many many teenagers are currently experiencing with their mental health (and thank you for your sympathy but I wasn’t referring to my own - just many of their peers) . @Mrsttcno1 understood what I was alluding to, the age of their father at this stage is the point I was making. Their father will be in his 60s when their child is a teenager, nearly 70s when it’s time for Uni. The op needs to think about their finances etc, will he have to be working past retirement age etc?
I’m not saying don’t have children, I’m saying think about the logistics of that child’s life all the way through to adulthood.

No need to write in this scaremongering way. Fertility decline related to age is almost entirely down to the maternal side. Nothing wrong with OP and her partner proceeding.

You would probably be fine but theres a good chance your husbands sperm quality is declining. My obygn refused to do any testing on me until she had looked at DH.

This is exactly my situation too, except I had a DD.

I fell pregnant so easily, loved being pregnant & my DD is happy & healthy.

My DP was 42 when we conceived on a one off. No issues have become apparent yet, DS is 16 months.