Any positive stories after ectopic in mid-late thirties?

[feelingalittlehorse]

I’m not sure if this is the right board, but I wanted stories of hope really to try and increase my positivity a bit

Had a chemical pregnancy in January, and an ectopic that resulted in a tube removal in July. Other than those- nada. Not a sniff. My AMH was 3.3 last September. I will be 36 in the new year.

I am very fortunate to have a big family and a wide circle of friends, however, at this age it means for the last decade I’ve always known at least one pregnant woman! It’s just never been me. So this was already severely impacting my mental health prior to the CP and the ectopic.
I just presumed by now I’d be all married, settled down, 2.5 kids etc etc and it hasn’t happened. Most of the above have already completed their families and I am still childless.

I have just had another pregnancy announcement this evening and this baby will be due around the time my ectopic pregnancy would have been. This is the fourth baby in my close friends/ family due in the next 6 months and it’s hit me very, very hard. My friend has a lovely scan picture that she sent me, and of course, I have nothing to show for mine. I am so very happy for her but it’s made my heart hurt a lot.

I am aware that this may never happen for us- and I am very grateful for all the other wonderful things in my life but just at this point in time, if anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to have a successful pregnancy, I’d really like to hear about it.

Thanks if you’ve got this far and sorry it was so long. I just find it hard to articulate this to people around me in real life who all seem extremely fertile!!!

Hi OP - sending hugs and love. If this helps my mum had an ectopic pregnancy and went on to have 2 kids.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine. I have had one miscarriage and I still think about it.

I know many women who have gone on to have children after an ectopic including friends of dh and I . I'm really sorry for your losses. I've been there myself in the past and there were days I really struggled. I had two early mc, and after that lost twins at birth but I did get there eventually. I won't quote the cliche of things will work out because I know it's meaningless at this time but your situation is far from impossible and I'll be rooting for you. ❤️

Just to add, you are being so gracious considering how hard it is and its ok to feel angry and upset to. You dont have to feel grateful for other things. You want to be a mum and that's absolutely fine to be upset about. Have you been in touch with your national miscarriage association or the hospital? Really important to have support during this

Thank you very much @Nothankyov and @Ella31 for your supportive words and positive stories. They are actually really appreciated right now.

@Ella31 I’m so sorry to hear of your losses, and I’m glad to hear that you got your happy ending after all that sadness ❤️ My hospital has given me details for a bereavement midwife, but I’ve not reached out yet.

My sister had two after an ectopic

I would definitely reach out when you are ready. This is such a lonely journey and i remember when I had miscarriages how lonely it was. You aren't alone in this. There is a ttc board on mumsnet too so you might get more women with the same experience there 😍

I actually had a moment where I wasn’t sure which board to put this on……
It felt almost crass to ask for success stories on any of the TTC boards, or the miscarriage/ ectopic threads. I didn’t want to trigger anyone or cause any upset when people come on here for support. It’s just such a difficult thing for everyone 😔

Thank you ☺️

Not at all. The ttc board is full of similar stories. What you can do is put trigger Warning on your title. It allows people to decide to read or not.

So sorry to hear about your ectopic OP. No success story here yet, but wanted to share my old thread that has some lovely stories. I hope they help x

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5355935-post-ectopic-positive-stories?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Oh, thank you @LavenderHaze04 ! Your experience sounds very, very similar to mine. I was in and out of hospital for 2 and a half weeks with suspected miscarriage, then unknown location, then potentially ectopic, then inconclusive scans and finally emergency surgery. Just so stressful and I just felt so sad throughout it all.

Thanks for sharing the link to that thread and I hope you are doing well ❤️

My best friend is going through this right now. I know that when you’re facing pregnancy loss, especially in your late thirties, it can feel very isolating. It seems like every woman and her dog are pregnant. Just know that you’re not as alone as you feel. I’m so sorry for this stage that you’re going through.

My best friend is going through this right now. I know that when you’re facing pregnancy loss, especially in your late thirties, it can feel very isolating. It seems like every woman and her dog are pregnant. Just know that you’re not as alone as you feel. I’m so sorry for this stage that you’re going through.

Thank you @UpToMyElbowsInDiapers , I’m sorry to hear of your friend’s struggles. My age is definitely now adding a panic element. You’ve hit the nail on the head as well. I feel everywhere I turn there’s a pregnant lady or a baby! Which is totally confirmation bias but still…

Come join us on TTC you'll find lots in th same boat. I have had miscarriages and an ectopic four months ago which ruptured and ended with losing my tube. I'm 32. No success story just yet but I know it can happen. I'm sorry for your losses.

Remember it is okay to ask for boundaries and peace. Someone sending me a scan photo a month after my surgery would have killed me and I'm actually appalled a friend has done that. Hope you are okay x

Hello, afraid no positive story as yet but just wanted to reach out as I know how lonely it can feel.
I’m 33, had a ruptured ectopic Aug 24 and my right tube removed, first pregnancy after ttc for 3 months. we’ve been trying again since Nov 24 but my partner works away a lot so we’ve only had a handful of months to properly try. (Which adds to the stress and time pressure)
In the year since my ectopic 6 close friends or family have had babies or announced pregnancies. (And literally all of them
after 2 months of trying…) It’s like a never ending loop, just when I think I’m ‘safe’ for a bit another pregnancy announcement hits. They hurt bad enough when done sensitively without a scan photo so as @MocktailMe said that must have been incredibly painful.

I’ve had some therapy which has been incredibly helpful, and more recently started acupuncture which has helped to chill out the fight or flight. It’s still not easy but I can’t believe how far I’ve come emotionally from a year ago - you’re in the trenches of the grief now and I promise it can feel better. Sending love and hope xxx

I’m sorry for your losses @MocktailMe , it’s absolutely emotionally draining. For me, it actually was the loss of hope if that makes sense? I was so excited to finally be pregnant!

In defence to my friend, she is a close friend but we live on opposite sides of the UK- so she was totally unaware of the situation. We are both in very busy careers, so radio silence for a bit is not overt cause for concern. I didn’t then want to tell her what had been going on after she had sent me her picture and was obviously excited about her news- felt like I was raining on her parade a bit. I know she’d be mortified if she knew how much (inadvertent) upset it had caused.

Thank you @Percy15 - I’m not sure how I missed your reply yesterday. I’m sorry to hear of your loss- even though there’s clearly so many other women who have gone through it, you look around at everyone’s babies and think you are the only one.

Absolutely understand what you mean about the time pressure. I want to get back to it right now yesterday, but of course have been advised not to until a couple of cycles have passed. The waiting is driving me mad. It sounds crazy, but I know I’m in for further disappointment so I almost want to get it over and out of the way 😔
I think the scan picture was especially hard as that’s what my baby should look like currently- but of course, I never managed to get that far. I didn’t think of acupuncture actually, I know someone who had some for their anxiety so I will have a look at that. Thanks again xxx