Struggling Emotionally – Just Need to Talk

[BW24]

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling right now. We have been trying to conceive for about a year and a half now, and it's been such a long, exhausting process—physically and emotionally. Every month feels like a rollercoaster of hope and disappointment, and lately, it’s been harder to pick myself back up.

I'm finding that I’m blaming myself a lot, and some days I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. It’s starting to affect how I see myself and how I feel in my own body. I hate that I feel this way, but it’s where I’m at.

I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has felt like this—like you're stuck in this lonely place and not sure how to keep going? How do you cope when it feels like hope is fading?

Thank you for listening. Any advice, suggestions, support welcome!

Hey, I'm really sorry things haven't gone to plan so far. I have been TTC for 18 months as well. I have had 2 losses in that time and currently have faint positives. It is really hard to keep hope going. Are you tracking and monitoring everything? I gave up doing that for the last few months for my own peace of mind as TTC was taking over everything.

Hey I’m sorry you’re having a tough time and things are taking their toll. Life and nature can be really unfair.

I’m not currently in your situation but it did take a while to conceive and the lonely rollercoaster of every month failing was hard. I didn’t really know who to talk to - people don’t know what to say, it’s very personal, a bit awkward, and quite frankly, I didn’t want people knowing but also felt desperate to talk about it at the same time.

What helped was going to the doctor and getting the ball rolling - we didn’t need any fertility treatment in the end but just feeling like I was actively doing something to potentially make things happen was helpful to me. Just wondering if you’ve had tests or been referred for ivf etc? It’s not that anyone wants to go down that route but sometimes having a sense of control can help with the feelings of isolation.

I really hope things work out for you very soon.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Just as I was about to reach out to my GP in April I ended up in hospital with suspected appendicitis which turned out to be a cyst in my fallopian tube which they sorted. They were aware that I was trying to get pregnant so said they did the surgery slightly differently as to not cause any issues. It started as an explorative laparoscopy so had a look at my ovaries etc. I have also had an ultrasound pre and post surgery and was speaking to the gynae team about my journey so far. Their advice was to reach out to my GP in September if it had still not happened.

I have done so much research and changed my diet and lifestyle to give me the best chances. I have been tracking cycles, taking all the recommended vitamins, taking ovulation tests. Then because that hasn't worked tried the not stressing and just relax approach and again still had no luck.

I am just finding it hard with friends and family getting pregnant and having their babies and I am so happy for them but just struggle that its still not happened. My husband has a child from a previous relationship and she was conceived very quickly (she is 12 now) and it just makes me feel even more of a failure that I haven't managed to get pregnant yet. I feel like I am letting him down as well.

My husband is trying to be supportive but keeps telling me I just need to keep positive and I know I should but I just don't feel very positive right now I feel so lonely, exhausted and sad.

Sorry for the really long reply I have just been keeping it all in for a long time.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling OP. TTC is truly such a mind game and mental battle, it totally takes over your life and becomes all you can think about. I remember when we were ttc our first child I wasn’t even counting time in calendar months I was counting time in cycles & my mood was totally interlinked with it- period arrived, disappointed and gutted, leading up to ovulation starting to feel positive and this will be our month, feeling great around ovulation tracking to hit every day possible, feeling optimistic entering the two week wait, symptom spotting, then cramping, period arriving and repeat. It is exhausting and challenging mentally in a way I just don’t think men can relate to even if they try.

If you’re reaching a point where you do just feel it is making you miserable then you can always take a break from tracking etc and just live your lives for a few months. I have friends who did exactly that and it was a much needed reset from ovulation tests, symptom spotting, temp checking etc. Good luck x

That’s a tough few months you’ve had. Is age on your side? Personally, if I were you OP, I would just go to your GP now to get the tests done. But of course it’s your call. Testing and then “relaxing” (but still thinking about it secretly most of the time) is so exhausting. I find it amazing that people only really talk about it on here!

So I am 30 so I would say no but lots of people have been telling me that its all good. Yes I was thinking about reaching out to my GP over the next week or so but right now its fear holding me back because if I am honest I am scared at what they are going to say I still hold the smallest bit of hope right now. I know I need to do it I am just struggling with it all in the current headspace that I am in.

Yes it has been an interesting couple of months as I got a post operative infection that landed me back in hospital but thankfully through that all now.

Its hard to talk about with people unless they can understand what you have been going through and my friends and family have all been fortunate enough to conceive quickly and keep asking me when am I going to 'hurry up and have a baby'.

Congratulations on your pregnancy/baby and thank you for taking the time to comment/support x

I would say age is on your side OP 😊 Sorry your family are making those comments - well meant I’m sure but not what you need to hear. Good luck x

Hi OP, sorry you’re going through this. It took me and my DH 2 1/2 years to conceive. Something that helped me was to set a rough plan in my head of what my next steps would be. If I didn’t conceive by X date then I’ll see the GP and get tests run. If I didn’t conceive by Y months after that, I’ll go private and get further tests done. If I don’t conceive by Z months after that then I’ll look into IVF etc etc…

I found that it helped because it wasn’t just an endless cycle of trying and getting negatives every month. I had a plan in place.

If I was in your shoes I’d go and see a GP. Like a pp said, just to get the ball rolling.

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been TTC for almost 2 years now, I had an ectopic almost a year ago which resulted in the loss of my left fallopian tube and a very traumatic time. I’ve also been doing anything and everything over the past 2 years to try and help conception but it’s just not happening. I have a fertility specialist appt in 4 weeks, I guess they’ll just do some investigations as I won’t qualify for NHS IVF as I already have DS. I agree with PP - I have set dates in my mind, so if things haven’t progressed by January 2026 i’m planning to begin the IVF process, at the very least have the initial consultation. It’s eased my mind slightly as I know that we have a plan in place if we’ve still not fallen by then. It’s so, so difficult and all consuming. I hope it happens for you soon✨

I just wanted to say you aren't alone
We've been trying similar timescales and it's tough.
Every time my period comes I feel like how am I going to survive another month, but I always do somehow.
I am 35 so we got the ball rolling with tests and are now getting the ball rolling with IVF. For me, it has helped me to focus on what we can do practically. You definitely do have plenty of time though at 30 so I wouldn't rush into fertility treatments if I was your age but perhaps it's worth doing the full investigations?
I would make sure your partner gets his sperm tested as even though his sperm was all good 12 years ago things can change.
There are things men can try like Impryl/other multivitamins plus loads of lifestyle changes, all take at least 3 months to take effect though so I would recommend figuring out if there's anything his side sooner rather than later xxx