Name changed for this. Sorry incredibly long post (that could have gone in relationships but it’s TTC focused!)
We have a mostly great relationship, very close, fairly recently married, very affectionate, never really argue, spent a lot of time together. DH has been stressed mainly about work for quite a long time and previously sought some therapy which helped but it was only short term.
I’ve noticed over the last year we’ve had a lot less sex. It’s gone from maybe 3-4 times a week (or every time we saw each other before moving in together).. gradually decreasing over time. As I track my cycles I can see how much sex we have, we had a while of only having sex 2-3 a month and missed the fertile window a lot, now we are making sure we have sex at least a couple of times over the fertile window but I just want to be having more regular sex generally.
didn’t help that I read/heard both that regular ejaculation is better for sperm, and also there’s some evidence around women being more fertile if they regularly have sex (rather than just having sex in fertile window).
For a while I just thought I don’t want to put pressure on, I’ll just leave it and let him come to me if that makes sense. But it’s so hard when TTC - something we both really want, because it adds so much more pressure. I try to initiate sex more throughout the month (although I feel a bit off it after ovulation because I’m nervous about affecting implantation even though I know it’s unlikely), but even then sometimes he just doesn’t really respond. Then it gets to the fertile window and we do have sex, I try to give him the rough dates in advance and then not mention it again to reduce the pressure but he’ll mention it (like saying oh do we need to have sex today, when are you ovulating etc) so it’s a “thing”.
I feel like I need to properly raise how it’s affecting me - making me feel stressed around TTC as feel I’ve got to make sure we do it, and also a bit unwanted sexually. BUT I worry bringing it up is going to make him feel even more under pressure. He doesn’t currently have performance issues but occasionally has historically and I don’t want to cause that to happen again.
I think maybe I should talk to him about his general stress and sorting that out and bring in how I’ve noticed it affecting our sex life without making it too judgemental or pressured?
In know people use at home insemination which I’ve thought about, but I think he feels weird going off to have a wank into a cup when I’m home too 🤣
We’ve been TTC for a while and that’s really getting me down, maybe the stress of that is getting to both of us!
has anyone been in a similar situation or got any advice?