TTC after Loss

[NatalieSF]

I couldn't find a thread dedicated to this, feel free to link me if there is one already 💕

Is anyone else TTC after loss? I am TTC after a 34 week loss in February due to placenta abruption. I have so many mixed emotions about TTC, the battle of I want my baby but it won't bring her back and the am I replacing her guilt.

I am just hoping to create a supportive thread with people who understand and going through the TTC Journey again 💕

Wow that is a huge loss and I cant say sorry heartfeltly enough, i hope you had someone taking care of your needs and gave you a lot of support, please be gentle with yourself. Your well in your rights to feel very confused and be in all your emotions. Your definitely not replacing her if you try again so please dont feel guilty about that.

I have had 8 miscarriages ranging from 8 to 12 weeks, 1 chemical pregnancy and we had a tfmr at 4months gestation, that one was the hardest loss and we wernt sure we would try again after that and I felt the same as you about the guilt of replacing our son and we already have other children so we wernt going to do anymore transfers but 3 months later we did do another transfer and we got our now 18month old little girl.

@NatalieSF i am so sorry to hear your story. I can only imagine a fraction of our grief and I sincerely hope you are being taken care of

We lost our baby at 22 weeks, it was a tfmr, and am finding much comfort in the prospect of trying again. Dont think anything other than a baby will replace the pain

Sending lots of hugs

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say which is enough, except you are so incredibly strong.

I had a mmc at 18 weeks back in February and have just started ttc this month. I am feeling generally OK but getting quite stressed at the thought of the due date arriving which ie a few days before DD's birthday.

Hello, I had a loss on april this year (23+2) due to cervix incompetence, suspicion of extreme early onset pre-eclampsia and complications after a rescue cerclage done in the week 21+2 (I had a hematome after the stitch, which probably infected and started causing the contractions). Our baby Noah was born alive, 30 cm, 520 g, but died after 19 minutes (we decided with the doctors that we would do palleative care instead of trying to keep him alive, cause he was just too young and not enough developed). I am so sad and know that nothing can replace our little Noah but I am also craving to be pregnant again and bring a baby home. The waiting game is the worst thing... We want to wait at least four months to try again, so we plan to TTC again in august next month. But I am really anxious about the whole process (will we get pregnant right away? will we have to wait long and have fertility problems? will the baby stick once we get pregnant? will I have again complications? will I have an extreme preterm labor again?) and the list goes on...So I was looking for a thread here to have support. With the last pregnancy I found a thread for the august babies and it was a tremendous support. We then had a whatsapp group and were really closed friends and supported each other. Once we lost our little Noah I left the group cause I did not have our baby with us and the group was super hard to keep up with... but I thought that for this journy of TTC again and if eventually getting pregnant, that I wanted to have a support group again, and if the group is specially of moms with the rainbows babies, then I thought would be even better, cause we would understand each other and be in a similar place. Sorry for the long message and sorry for the losses of every girl reading through these lines...

That loss is extremely hard and im sorry you had to go through that. Of course your going to worry about the future of ttc again and a new pregnancy, its normal to feel all those feelings. The best thing to do is talk to your doctors about a plan moving forward. All I can say is that every pregnancy is different and a future pregnancy could be completely different and have a different outcome.

@Miraclemuma03 thank you so much for your kind and comforting words and I am so sorry for your losses but happy to see that you have your rainbow baby home with you :) And yes, we habe a plan for a future pregnancy with our doctor (will get a preventative cerclage between the weeks 12-15 and get baby aspirin to reduce the risk of pre eclampsia). Nevertheless I feel anxious...But I am a super possitive person, so I anyways try to stay possitive and hope for the best :)

@pcbrb that sounds like a great plan moving forward.

I am so sorry for your loss - your story is heartbreaking. You are the best mummy Noah could ever hope for and you did all you could for him .May that be a comfort to you as you move forward with your ttc journey. August is only next month, I hope you are looking forward to getting active on that front! We plan on starting again in September, October at the very latest and the same fears you mention also plague me - will it take long to get pregnant, if ever (Im 41 so time is not my friend!) will it all work out in the end? We can only try.
I was also in the October 25 baby group and we had a whatsapp thing going. Funnily enough, I left the whatsapp group because I felt uncomfortable being in a group that was so large (there were 60 of us and I found it difficult to keep up). Might have been a sign of things to come? And I have lots of similar anecdotes about this pregnancy which just make me think how much it was not meant to be.

Id be totally up for creating a space for tfmr/loss mums who are ttcing again. who better to understand this unique situation we find ourselves in than us?

Hello, I’m keen to join this. I was on another ttc thread (and recognise OP username from there - hello!) but found it hard to keep up. I lost my first baby (first ever pregnancy) at 28 weeks in Feb. We started ttc again in May so am currently in 2ww of third cycle trying. Our first baby took 13 cycles to conceive so even though I’m so desperate to be pregnant again I’m not expecting it to happen quickly. I’m 37 so am getting anxious about age and wondering how much to invest in private testing etc vs just waiting a bit longer to see how things go!

Thank you to everyone who replied. I am so sorry for all your losses it really is a horrible experience.

@pcbrbi also was in a March group when I was pregnant with Liora and obviously left when I lost her. We planned TTC again last month and I joined a few TTC after loss groups and have found a really supportive messenger group thats been helping me along the way.

@MyPearlBeehello 👋🏼 I'm currently in my peak window, dreading the TWW. I find the big threads really hard to keep up with too.

Happy to create a WhatsApp if anyone wants to stick together for this journey 💗

@MyPearlBee Baby dust! how exciting youre trying again. How are you feeling? Im 41 so I can hear that biological clock ticking very very loudly

@NatalieSF if you create one Ill join

@Miraclemuma03 Wow your journey is incredible and admirable that you kept going but the result is your rainbow baby who im sure has erased from your memory all the hardship you went through before she arrived. Thats my hope for me at least.

I'm actually not ttcing just yet. We're giving ourselves three months to get strong and replenish all our nutrients before trying, so itll be something like September. But I love nothing more than watching women get their bfps, im on a few ttc forums and i love the solidarity as we navigate this time together.

@BloomingOrchideaI admire you being able to wait a few months - maybe that would’ve been better for me but I just feel like every month we aren’t trying is wasted. Do you have any other children? I really hate ttc - I hated it before (because of how long it was taking and how it just felt like it dominated my life) and was so pleased to finally fall pregnant, but this time round it’s worse as it’s a constant reminder of our loss and im now two years older than when we first started trying! However I’ve not been too disappointed with negatives so far as I have holidays etc to look forward to. I just know that if im not pregnant going into winter I will feel much worse, hence thinking about getting some private testing so I feel like im doing something proactive! Happy to join a WhatsApp group too 😊

@MyPearlBee completely understand you, time is not my friend as an older mum but at 37 the odds are still in your favour. When the tfmr happened all I could think about was when could I try again, and am almost obsessed about being pregnant again, that's how I'm dealing with the loss, so I dont think its completely unhealthy to pour yourself into something you really want.
If its any comfort i had my DD at 39 and shes completely healthy xx

Hi all. I'm sorry that we're all here but it's lovely to have the support. I've just finished bleeding after medical management of a blighted ovum discovered in June and I also had an MMC in January. I'm planning to have one period and then start TTC again. I'm 37 with a two and a half year old DD. The EPU have referred me to the RCM but if we fall pregnant in the meantime they'll scan me at 6/7 weeks and start me on progesterone. It's great knowing that's there for me.

@surelook hey and welcome, yes, it's a sorry little thread this lol but I too am glad to find women who've gone through the same / similar. I'm sorry about your two losses, all this year as well. Hope youre doing OK? Good idea to start again. No time to waste x

@surelook hey and welcome, yes, it's a sorry little thread this lol but I too am glad to find women who've gone through the same / similar. I'm sorry about your two losses, all this year as well. Hope youre doing OK? Good idea to start again. No time to waste x

Hello Girls, I am so sorry about all your stories! And nice for the ones that are already starting again! We wanted to start in August… but now I am in 12 DPO and no signs of AF.. and normally my LP is 10-11 days long… but I refuse to think that I could be pregnant, since we dtd three days after what I though was my ovulation… but when I think of the possibility of maybe being pregnant, I also get excited.. anyhow.. either way it will be good, if I’m not pregnant, I would have had a long LP, which is really good for fertility, and if I’m pregnant, well, it happened hehe… and someone said something about making a WhatsApp group.. if someone makes it, I’m in :)

@pcbrb potentially our first bfp of the thread! Please say you'll be testing??

@BloomingOrchideai honestly don’t think that I can be pregnant… it’s not possible with dtd 3 days after ovulation…we were not even trying 🤓 but we will see.. I don’t want to test until I am like 18 dpo… let’s see if I can wait 😂 or if AF comes before (which I think will be the case).. 12 dpo today 🙏🏼

@BloomingOrchidea thank you. And same to you. I'm doing OK, thanks. I wasn't as upset this time as there wasn't a baby. The MMC was much more devastating in that sense.
I suppose in a way I'm "lucky" cause I've had two losses in a row which are the current criteria to be referred to the RCM in Ireland.
I completely agree with what you said in your first post. Only a baby will replace the pain. And even if I have a successful pregnancy the next time I won't relax until the baby is in my arms!

@pcbrb how are you today? Any signs of AF?

@surelook I think its 3 losses in england before being referred. It's a lot in my opinion. Do you have an appointment yet?
In my case, if I get pregnant again, I've been offered a nipt at 10 weeks and as many reassurance scans as I want x

@SureLook I think AF will arrive today or tomorrow… I noticed a little blood while whipping today! But I’m happy that I got my longest LP since off birth control 🙌🏼🙌🏼 and just one more cycle to go before we start TTC officially in August 🫶🏼

Hope everyone is well. Today I shared the story of losing Liora with an amazing charity called Anam Cara Fasgdh who have shared my story on FB. It's bitter sweet, I haven't really shared much of my story on FB but helps me and other feel less alone. Especially during bereaved parent month🥰

Otherwise I am offically 1dpo and in the TWW. Hoping summer will distract me for the next two weeks 🤣

If anyone wants the WhatsApp chat please send me your number by pm and I'll set one up 🥰

@NatalieSF super brave of you to have shared even a snippet of your story. That's something I struggle with, generally, opening up to others but it does precisely what youre aiming to do, create a space for others to do the same
I've direct messaged you my number, thanks for setting up x

@NatalieSFgood luck in the TWW! Crossing the fingers for you! I will also send you my number for the group :)