TTC and intimacy issues 😔

[Firsttime2023]

Hi everyone, my partner and I have been TTC for nearly 2 years with no success (I have an appointment next week to discuss my IVF referral via NHS).
We are finding that the ttc journey is having a really detrimental effect on our relationship, specifically our sex life. The fun feels like it’s completely gone and for the last few months ovulation week is just awful. The pressure to have sex is getting too much for my OH.
It leaves me heartbroken each month on one hand devastated I may have missed another month and also the impact it’s having on our relationship 😔

I guess I just wanted to know if it’s normal to experience this kind of thing and if there is anything we can do or if anyone has any advice? We are going to look at couples counselling to see if that helps.

We went on holiday recently and with the pressure gone we had great sex, but as soon as we got home and hit ovulation week the old issues have arisen again 😔

Take a month or two off actively TTC. Don’t track your cycle (or if you choose to, don’t discuss it with him). Don’t initiate sex during ovulation. See what can happen organically.

Sit at the table and eat dinner together with a bottle of wine, go to the cinema or a theme park, find the fun in your relationship (whatever that looks like to you both).

TTC can be understandably overwhelming and you’ve been doing it for such a long time that I’m not surprised things have got a bit stale. Prioritise your relationship over TTC for the next month or so and prepare for your IVF journey x

Hi @heroinechicthank you for responding and for your advice. Sometimes it really helps to hear someone else say it’s understandable.
I think we are going to stop tracking as you suggest, harder for me as I can tell more or less but he won’t have a clue! Hopefully this will take the pressure off for him.
I already feel like a weight has been lifted now ovulation week is over and I’m sure he must feel the same. It’s just so difficult when you want something so badly.

Do artificial insemination daily over ovulation week, unless you actually want to have sex in which case do that instead. Don't make TTC a part of your sex life at all, after two years of trying most people would feel how you currently do, it's hard to keep it spontaneous and fun when you both know you might not be doing it if it weren't for the timing. Ask him to give you a sample each day instead and then if you end up having sex instead, cool.

Hello

Completely understand this, we TTC for 3 years and it has changed our relationship. Even sex outside of the fertile window felt off, like 'what's the point'. As others have said, take some time off before IVF.

IVF is a whole different kettle of fish, and I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant with our only embryo from our first IVF cycle. Now there's been little sex because I've been sick and tired, so enjoy yourself while you can! & good luck with IVF, it's so so hard but it's the best thing we've done.

I did wonder about artificial insemination. This might sound like a really stupid question but what do you use?

Oh huge congrats you! And it is reassuring to know we aren’t the only ones! We did have a big discussion about it last night and we both agreed we don’t think we would have these issues if we weren’t ttc. IVF seems so daunting, I am really naive to it tbh and need to do a bit of researching.

Definitely agree with this. I’ve a few friends who actually conceived once they took the pressure off things and had drunken passionate sex! Obviously not saying this will happen for you but I think the stress can begin to impact things sometimes.

Not stupid at all. Just order vaginal syringes from amazon and some sterile sample pots also off Amazon. You don't need to buy a fancy expensive kit it's not needed at all.

I get what people are saying about take a break etc but there's no scientific basis for hot passionate sex being the key to pregnancy. The more sperm gets close to your cervix around ovulation, the better. Insemination gives you the break you need from TTC sex (although you still have the option to have sex if you want to, but once you agree you'll inseminate daily for that week you know If you choose sex it's a CHOICE). So it means you don't have to skip any cycles and still get the pressure off that you need.