TTC 2nd for 18 months and it's becoming a struggle

[Kentishlad]

Hi all,

Sorry in advance for the long post - I just wanted to vent our frustration... speaking from a Dad's perspective.

We've been finding things increasingly difficult, the last month in particular. We've been trying for about 18 months now and despite feeling so lucky to have a 5-year old DD from pre-Covid, trying for a second baby has been more challenging than ever.

We've always found BD difficult in part due to what we now know was a partial septum which my wife was successfully operated on for about 2 years ago. It's made things easier but at the same time raised our expectations. "Great, that's the main problem dealt with" we thought and naively we felt it was going to really change things and mean we could finally grow our family. It's made it more enjoyable no doubt, but still no easier with conceiving.

I've had my own issues recently with anxiety-based ED (no physical issues after checks - all in my head basically) which I'm waiting on counselling to hopefully improve but feel it's mostly to do with the pressure of us wanting to conceive.

Each month we try to set ourselves up with the "what will happen, will happen" mindset but some months we get a glimmer of hope when my wife is a couple of days late, only for us to face disappointment and upset when her period comes.

We've tried all sorts of things from app tracking, ovulation sticks to help track my wife's cycle (she's usually regular which makes things a bit easier/harder), fertility lube and more recently a basal thermometer. We even went through fertility tests privately and everything came back clear - there should be no reason why we can't conceive basically!

It's been fun but at the same time really demoralising and stressful when the monthly result comes. I feel helpless as my wife feels guilty and upset each time she sadly gets her period which is made all the more difficult as our DD says "XX at school has a sister... but I don't". I try to stay positive but it's hard.

Sometimes it feels like we waited too long as we are both in our mid-late 30s but Covid made me nervous about TTC and the anxiety it would bring for my wife if she were to get pregnant, plus the fact she hadn't had her op by that point.

We're obviously so thankful to have a DD as we didn't think we would even be able to have her, but it doesn't explain why TTC again has been so difficult for us. It feels like DD has truly been a once in a lifetime miracle!

The last month has been the most upsetting (hence my post). We really tried to BD as much as we could - and my wife was almost 4 days overdue (the longest it's been). Friends all seem to be having second or third children around us but for us there seems to be no sign. I want to stress that I understand and try to sympathise with Mums who are TTC their first.

The worst part for me is that if we were to conceive, if we then lost the baby it would obviously be all the more devastating.

I'm sorry for the negative post and thank you for reading this far. Like I say, I mostly just wanted to vent our frustration but if anyone can offer any thoughts or support then thank you in advance.

Hi, we decided at 35 we wanted another. We had 2 already but a 12 year gap. We struggled. Lost a son at 20 weeks called it a silent miscarriage. But goodness came from the sadness. The autopsy showed lack of blood to his heart. So I was prescribed 75mg of daily asprin! We then did a day of nookie and missed a day and we conceived again and so much quicker than the 2 years for the one we lost.

I did have a horrible pregnancy and was in hospital nearly the whole time with hyperemisis that lasted till she was born at 8 weeks early.

she is 8 now.

take baby asprin
do a day miss a day for 10 days to ensure your not missing the window.
forget the app as they take the passion out.
good luck.

So sorry to hear of the problems you've had - it sounds like you had an awful time but I'm so pleased that it worked out. Thank you for sharing.

My wife worries about her age, being 35 and feeling like the clock is ticking. We know some mums who are in their 40s but most are younger, around 30.

Would you recommend baby aspirin when TTC and is it something my wife would need to get prescribed? She's currently taking Folic Acid on recommendation of the consultant we saw when we had the private tests done around 18 months ago.

The main difficulty we have is keeping the momentum going throughout the window - it starts off fine but then becomes a "chore" for both of us after a few days, especially if I have any ED issues.

I guess we just want to see some form of result as right now we have no idea if what we're doing is working or is likely to work. My wife used the basal thermometer to some success but it's unclear.

Hi all,

Just wanted to reply and say that we're still TTC. Things have improved in the BD area in the last couple of months but seeing friends who are close to giving birth over the summer months has been a tough thing to swallow.

We're still trying as much as we can - avoiding the app, doing it when we feel like it every couple of days etc. Basal thermometer helped a little but now we're just trying to keep things relaxed which has helped a lot.

Still no news on my counselling and not expecting anything for a good while yet.

Not sure where to go from here other than talking things over with the doctor to get their advice. We can't afford IVF so BD naturally and trying to keep the hope alive is the only way I think.