How do you cope

[pinkrose001]

Not sure if this is the right place to put this but how do you cope / deal with seeing pregnant friends / friends who have babies? Most of the girls in my friendship group are either pregnant (with first or second) or already have babies and naturally the conversation is focussed around this. I find it really difficult because I can't contribute anything meaningful to the conversation and just feel so left behind. TTC baby 1 after loss and so far it isn't happening for us. They are lovely and will always include me but I am starting to find myself making excuses to not see them which makes me feel even worse as hate these jealous ugly feelings and wish I didn't feel this way x

Hi OP, I think to be honest it is important to give yourself grace and accept it is ok to feel the way you do. Firstly you are happy for your friends but sad for yourself - that is ok to feel, your feelings are valid! I have a child but we had been trying for some time for our second (had two losses, one just this week) and 2 of our friends announced their news last year and it did break me inside. However, I try to go by the mantra that that was their time, their happy etc and someday it will happen for you and be your turn.
I think to protect your mental wellbeing there is nothing wrong in not always wanting to meet up with your friends with babies and giving yourself a bit of distance if that is what you need. Do you see them without their children? Do they know you are ttc? Xx

Hi OP

I absolutely understand and feel your pain. I think the only thing you can do is be honest with how you feel, you can be happy for someone you love for their experience but also extremely sad and disappointed with where you are in your journey.

if you need to have some distance then do that. I had to avoid my friends kids birthday parties with r only parents and children there. I’d go over on a separate day with present to celebrate. All I felt people were thinking is oh that woman doesn’t have a child, we all do. Maybe it was not true but that broke my heart. Your time will come cx

Thank you so much for your replies @Waitingforthesunshine24 @EmberR - comforting to know others feel the same but also rubbish you feel that way too! It's a pain like no other isnt it and so hard to describe until you are in it. They know about our loss and were so kind but if they bring up ttc it's something I brush off if they ask as find it difficult to talk about and don't want them to pity me if that makes sense haha. Seem to be okay if it's just with one other friend but it's the group meet ups that I struggle with as feel like " the odd one out". Maybe for now seeing them separately rather in a group is the way to go. I also keep thinking when my time hopefully comes I don't want to look back and think I never made an effort as I know they would for me. Really hard to navigate isn't it? Sending love and wishing you your babies soon🥹❤️

Hi OP, I have stumbled across your post on a day I am struggling with a similar situation. TTC after a MMC at the beginning of this year and I have recently found out that a close family member is expecting and will be due around the same time as I would have been. It’s so tough and can feel so lonely, I think give yourself grace and if you need to take time away from those difficult situations, you should do what is best for you. Never feel bad for putting your feelings first, especially through what is such a tricky journey to navigate. I’m sure any good friend will understand and support you.
Best of luck with your journey🫶🏽

I have to admit to a feeling of intense jealousy and almost a hatred for close friends and relatives who announce an 'easy' pregnancy. If I know someone has struggled and/or had a loss/losses it completely changes my attitude and I feel nothing but joy for them. Of course I dont always know the background, it isnt my business but if a friend tells me, for example, that they fell first time or accidentally they instantly become an ex friend. I dont say anything at the time but i will absolutely avoid them at all costs.

I am being perhaps a bit too honest but I really dont cope well with it at all I'm afraid.

Just wanted to say the advice from everyone so far is so spot on. I’m TTC no1 too and feel left behind.. other friends currently TTC and felt really sad when one recently announced pregnancy. It just feels so unfair? Definitely ok to feel your feelings.. and sometimes these ugly feelings too. I’ve even noticed myself getting annoyed at times on here when people haven’t been TTC very long, which is so irrational because it may take them as long as me, but it’s the sense of unfairness of it all xx

Hope everyone is doing ok. I’m off to have lunch with a good friend who has just announced her pregnancy. She’s had 2 plain sailing pregnancies and is so much younger than me. I feel so happy for her but just want to cry as it isn’t happening for me

Hi @EmberR thinking of you today! How are you feeling about seeing her? Does she know about you ttc so may be mindful and steer the conversation to other topics? Last week I reached out to a close friend offering to organise her baby shower as noone else had and I didn't want her to go without (regretting it now as sadly AF is making an appearance!) Let us know how you get on today x

Thank you so much for your kind message @pinkrose001

i found it really hard to be honest. She’s talking about her plans for her future (as of course she should) and I just talked nonsense about my job and other things. None of which seem to matter to be honest.

my husband is also sad as he is upset and now I feel broken and guilty for him too

Its so difficult, I feel you about the job chat, when you want a baby so much everything else just seems insignificant and you would do anything to trade places xx

Can’t stop bloody crying about it today. Feel pathetic, it’s just so all encompassing xx

Oh @EmberR , that was me a few days ago hearing colleagues talk about their little ones. Couldn’t stop the tears. Multiple trips to the bathroom at work to sob. You aren’t pathetic at all - just someone dealing with a tough and isolating situation. Sending hugs xx

@Shadoworshade im sorry to hear you’ve felt the same. I haven’t spoken to any of my colleagues about it and it’s a big black cloud over me. I’m not the same happy, positive person I used to be. I think I need to tell my colleague just so I feel understood xx

Sending so much love to people struggling with this as it is so isolating xx