Feel like I’m going crazy

[ForPunnyKhakiFinch]

I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been with my partner 5 years and when we met I wasn’t wanting anymore children (already have two 19&13) my partner had had a vasectomy prior to us meeting as he also has two children also( late teens who live with their mum) the last year and a half I’ve suddenly had this over whelming urge to have another child. I didn’t expect it and I think everything had just been so perfect with our relationship etc that it just happened that I felt that way . Took me by suprise and I spoke to my partner about it. He initially said he’d look into reversing his vasectomy but later said that he didn’t want to and that even if he did because there was still a chance it wouldn’t work and he’d feel guilty etc. that was about a year ago and I’ve felt more and more upset about it since. I’ve tried to keep ignoring it and just be happy with how things are but I’m 37 this year (he’s 45 this year) and I know times basically run out. I just feel so emotional and upset about it and kind of made it worse that originally he’d said he’d look into it and seemed to welcome the idea and then suddenly went cold on it. In recent years he just looks forward to not having responsibilities of children etc and I feel perhaps I hadn’t noticed how different out future plans were. I’m not writing this for any answers . I guess I just want to get it off my chest. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else or be a single parent as I was with my first so I guess I’ll just have to ride this out.

I think this is nature playing tricks on you as your biological clock runs down. It's very normal to get incredibly broody just at the point when statistically it's harder to conceive - one last hormonal push from evolution to try and get your genes passed on!

@Springadorable Yes I think you could be right. A friend said to me today perhaps the perimenopause but my doctor tested my hormones for this recently and said he couldn’t find any evidence of it and my periods are still like clockwork 😩 It’s really causing a lot of distress for me and I haven’t been able to speak with my partner about it recently as I don’t want to upset him. I know how he feels about having more children but I’m sure he knows something is up. It’s very awkward to say the least and I keep bursting into tears. I’ve had. A terrible migraine all day today. I just keep feeling like I’m going to have such massive regret with only having the two. Sadly my partners children only see him and not myself. Have done since the start of our relationship (encouraged by the mother not to accept myself or my children) so I think that also doesn’t help as I would have loved to have been an extra family to them also.

That's really hard for you, and the tension of not being able to be as interactive with his kids as you'd like must be devastating. Could you approach the conversation with you partner from a "I need support getting through this strong feeling" rather than a "I need another child, what are we going to do about it" angle?