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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

PLEASE tell me how you cope when all around you are pregnant and you are not.

14 replies

MrsMopple · 18/05/2008 16:02

Me and dh have been ttc our second child for 18 months. In that time, almost everyone I know has had at least one second pregnancy (if that makes sense?). Another friend told me today that she is 10 weeks pregnant, and while I am delighted for her, I couldn't stop myself welling up (self pity for me rather than joy for her). She'd only been ttc for 3 months when she got her BFP and to add to the barb she is 10 years younger than me, too, so has plenty of time to have more . (I'm approaching 40 and feel that time ifs running out). How do you keep postive / happy / not obsessed? I'm feeling a real pre depressive mood coming on (suffered a few years ago, and don't want it to return) ANy help and tips gratefully received

OP posts:

LittleMyDancing · 18/05/2008 16:06

Not sure I have any tips but I do feel for you! I was desperate to have DC number two - unlike you we didn't have to try very long but then we lost the baby at 20 weeks , and also finished my short term contract at work, so now have to find a new job before we can even think of ttc again.

And all around us are people falling pg all the time, including a friend of ours for whom it was an accident, wasn't trying, but has now come round to the idea......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!

I know how hard it is and I really sympathise, so lots of {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

DarrellRivers · 18/05/2008 16:07

It's so so hard isn't it
I reckon concentrate on the positive, your lovely first child and your partner etc.
Think of everything that will be easier with one child, holidays etc.
Buy yourself some nice clothes.
Try to live for now, rather than thinking ' well i might be pregnant next month so i won't do that' , if you see what i mean.
There are other people out there in your position, track them down so you have someone to talk to about it.

Original poster

MrsMopple · 18/05/2008 16:12

Littlemydancing - so sorry to hear of your loss.
Darrell - I always do think 'I'll do xyz now because next month I might be pg' only to get despondant when my period arrives (as it always does) WIll try to stay more in the present!

OP posts:

LittleMyDancing · 18/05/2008 16:17

Those are good tips Darrell - also I've found doing things that I wouldn't be able to do if pg is a good one. Drinking a couple of glasses of wine, having a lovely goat's cheese, that sort of thing.

And sometimes, you know, avoiding pg people is ok. Not so they think you don't like them, but be kind to yourself. Don't force yourself into situations which are going to be difficult.

I insisted on going to see a friend who'd just had a baby soon after losing ours, on the grounds that I was happy she'd had hers despite our loss, and it was really hard.

Hope it happens for you soon
x

donbean · 18/05/2008 16:24

God its crap isnt it.
im the same.
for me, i cant stop thinking about it.
had a mc about 6 weeks ago, so i know that i can concieve. (like you ive got a 4 year old)
i can never carry a pregnancy. (mc no 3)

but i just KNOW that the next time i get pregnant, it will be ok. dont ask me how i know i just do.
this conviction keeps me positive.
i am 38 this year but dont feel pressure becuase of my age like you seem to. it doesnt really cross my mind tbh.
i get an awful ache in my stomache when some one anounces that they are expecting, its a horrid feeling but its not awful towards them, its a deep sadnss for me.

DarrellRivers · 18/05/2008 16:27

I try to think that if i got pregnant again, it would be an extra thing in my life, rather than something I need to be happy
Sometimes I think if you are not expecting it to happen, it often does, and if it doesn't you are at least thinking in a good way to cope with it all

donbean · 18/05/2008 16:31

and i am as premenstrual as hell...so af is on its way....so now the normal pattern of my thinking is.......9 months from next month will mean we possibly could have a baby next Feb which of course is better than January because its jsut after xmas and we will be skint etc etc etc.

crazyness in my head!

mrsfossil · 18/05/2008 17:00

Hello mrs mopple, I know how you feel we've been ttc for 4 years. we already have a ds of 7. Doc has now labelled us with unexplained secondary infertility. In that 4 years my sister has had 2 children and is now expecting her 3rd!!!!I am genuinely happy for her as I get to have another niece/nephew and I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. For ages we put things on hold "just in case" something happen that particular month but we don't now. I have to try really hard to look happy when friends announce their happy news, but behind my smile i'm thing no no no i'ts my turn

For the past few months I have really focused more on my ds rather than the lack of a sibling for him and I feel a lot more calm. We are about to enbark on IUI but if nothing happens after 3 cycles thats it all we can afford. But I will still feel incredily lucky and blessed to have my fab dh and beautiful ds.

Original poster

MrsMopple · 18/05/2008 17:32

Thank you all for your responses. I suppose I just need to get my head around it all and be happy with what I have been blessed with rather than being sad about what I haven't.

OP posts:

Upwind · 18/05/2008 17:43

It is normal to feel jealous when other people can easily have what we so desperately want. I grit my teeth, fix on a smile and enthusiasm for each pg announcement. But inside I am It is also been hard for me to hear pregnant friends whinge and moan for the duration of their pregnancies. With no real understanding of just how lucky they are. And how their grumbles grate on my nerves. Strangely, when the babies are born it is no problem, I am utterly delighted for them. No jealousy at all because, I don't want their baby, I want OUR baby!

WorzselMummage · 18/05/2008 19:21

I find it incredibly hard seeing anyone with a bump, we've been ttc#2 for 27 months with one 13 week miscarriage and i swear everone else in the whole world is pregnant, even the men

Sils pregnant and starting to get a bump to be homnest i have just avoided her. Jealousy is a really horrible emotion to have especially when your so jealous of someone close to you

anniemac · 19/05/2008 13:28

This reply has been deleted

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Tapster · 19/05/2008 13:45

I'm in my late 30s and although I haven't been ttcing no.2 for long have had two early miscarriages in 3 months and keep thinking maybe the egg will never stick again. I do think that focusing on the child that you have is important and trying to see some plus sides to having only one child and taking advantage of them while you can.

Its hard for us but much worse for those with no DC.

stuarts · 19/05/2008 15:01

I think you're absolutely right when you say the way to cope is to be happy with what you've been blessed with and concentrate on that.

I have been told I can't have any children. I have two choices, I either let it ruin the rest of my life or I be greatful for the good things I have (there is always someone worse off than you)and enjoy the rest of my life. I choose the latter

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