I'm a bad friend

[jealousandbitter]

I have name changed as I feel so horrible and childish and my friend posts on MN now and again and might see this.

Basically, DP and I have been TTC or rather FTC since July last year. I so desperately want another baby (like all of us here). I am extremely fortunate to have a LO already but with my problem it makes TTC very very difficult as I dont ovulate very often. A maximum of 4 (probably immature eggs) times a year maybe. Anyway, I confided in my friend when I found out about my problem and she was great and totally understands how I feel (as much as she can anyway). She has since found out she is pregnant. A complete surprise, only slipped up on contraception the once and is very happy.

This is what is killing me I'm so insanely jealous of her. To think of the amount of times DP and I have had unprotective sex since July and she manages it just the once. It makes me feel sick with envy. Now, everytime she mentions the baby I feel rage, I cant help it, I really cant. Of course I would never show this to her and I try my best to act so very happy for her but I cant even look at her bump, I cant mention her baby at all as my throat just seems to close over. I try my best to change the subject without seeming obvious when she talks about her pregnancy. Sometimes I just switch off when she talks about it (she talks about it all the time - totally understandable).

What do I do to overcome this raging jealousy? Will it go away? What makes things worse is just about everyone I know in RL is pregnant. It seems as though getting pregnant is the easiest thing in the world to do. I dont think I'll cope if another friend tells me she's pregnant.

Don't know that this will help, but it took me 14 years to get my first Dc. I know what you are feeling and you have my sympathy/empathy, though I found I no longer felt envious of others once I had my Ds.
Before I had my son, I tried to absorb myself in my friends babies. I spoiled them, cuddled them, baby sat etc. I pushed away the envy and found I felt better about it all. It is very hard, but unfortunately, like a lot of things we don't wish for(or do), that is life.
Hope you get your second baby soon.x

You're all so understanding and supportive, dont know what I'd do without MN! It's so lovely to talk to people who are going through almost exactly the same thing.
I almost feel a bit of a whinger and a fake as I have been lucky enough to fall pregnant before and haven't gone through some of the awful things that a lot of you have been through.
I know I'm very lucky and should be very grateful that I'm healthy and have such wonderful friends and family but I cant help but think, Why? What have I done? And why is it the people who are so deserving of becoming parents who have so much trouble? I really feel for those of you who are still waiting for DC1. I dont know what I'd do if I was still waiting for DC1, I went 3 years without any contraceptives for that one and that was long enough! Solo you're an inspiration to us all, 14 years!

Lissielou Is FA Folic Acid? If so, I've been taking Pregnacare and boots own (obv not together!) since we started TTC.

I know I should talk to my friend but she's so happy, I don't want her to feel she cant talk to me about the baby. Maybe I'll feel differently when she's up all night with a screaming baby

J&B, your consultant should prescribe high dose FA for you.

I thought FA was just to stop Spina Bifida in the baby. Does it help with conception too then?

it can help any beans stay put rather than help with conception. your gp can prescribe it

What's FTC and what's MMC (as opposed to MC)?

FTC = failure to conceive
MMC = missed miscarriage

Ah - thank you Mrstittlemouse. I have been FTC too. Also have a pg best friend I am finding it hard to be genuinely pleased for.

Jealousandbitter you could actually be me !

Its normal, really shit but normal

Just wantd to offer sympathies. I know exactly how you feel. I'm ttc#2 and my sister is pg with#2. We live quite close and were pg with dc#1 at similar time. so hoped it would happen again but with 2 months left looking unlikely.
I know my sister has been a little more sensitive, since a very cruel comment when she announced pg, ie she's not telling me every little detail of her pg symptoms. I keep trying to smile, and i just hope that when i see the baby it will help me to get over it.

Yes J&B, 14 years and no IVF. I lost my first pg after 12 years(MMC), and finally got my gorgeous boy in 1998. Also lost my 3rd baby in 2005 and got my beautiful Dd at the end of 2006. I feel privileged to be called ' Mummy', and have to admit that Dd was a huge surprise too. I had decided to ' put away' my desire to have another baby. My partner was 49 when we had her and he wasn't a bit happy, though he totally loves her now! I was almost 43 when I had her and had felt that I'd rather keep hold of a good man(for a change), than have another baby, but I could not terminate her...thank you God.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason J&B, so you will do in your life whatever it is you are supposed to do, as hard as it may feel at the time. I know that if I'd given birth to my first baby - as much as I wanted him, I would be in a worse place in every way possible than I am now. By losing him, I've been able to provide for my son on my own, because I got a good job that let me be independant.
Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.
Go with the flow of life J&B and stop feeling jealous and bitter. Embrace your child, your friend and her new baby, now, before it is born. You know you really want tobecause you really are a great friend and great friends put others before themselves, don't they? and you will reap the rewards, I promise you.x

Solo that's absolutely beautiful