Talk some sense into me - has MIL jinxed me?

[desperatelytryingforno2]

i know I’m being irrational. Or maybe I’m not. Maybe it’s just all the built-up frustration with MIL over the years, or maybe it’s the fact that I was never really superstitious—until now. Until trying for this second baby became everything. And now, I believe in every sign, every ounce of luck, every possible way to jinx it.

MIL helps out sometimes with our first—not because we’ve ever asked, just because she wants to. And since we’ve been trying for baby #2 for two years now, and our house is practically overflowing with IVF meds, she obviously knows what’s going on.

But over the last few days, she said to me, “I know for a fact you’ll have at least two more”, “do you know which hospital you’d pick to have the baby in?” and “with the new baby let’s do XYZ”. And to my three-year-old: “You’ll have a sibling soon for sure! Do you want a boy or a girl?” (My DC wasn’t asking about babies, she brought it up)

I wanted to scream. I don’t want my toddler running around telling people we’re trying. Hardly anyone even knows. And I definitely don’t want her speaking about this baby like it’s a done deal. Like it’s guaranteed. It’s not.

I’ve done five rounds of embryo banking. I’m about to do my first euploid transfer. It took a full year of IUIs and IVF just to get to this point. I have thought, at every step, surely this is it. Surely now it’s my time. Surely at 30, I can have another baby. Surely the odds are in my favor.

And now I’m crying because I can’t shake the fear that she’s just jinxed it.

OP Kindly... jinxing isn't a thing.

It's not real.

I'd ask your DH to have a quiet word with her about not mentioning it again to you or DC. It really is no one else's business.

She's being a bit of an insensitive idiot about it, but it has no impact on your fertility. Tell her that you don't want it discussed, particularly in front of your child.

When I was undergoing fertility treatment, there was a nosy cow at the church we attended who was telling everyone I was pregnant when I was not and really sick of trying to get pregnant. I went home in tears when I found out she was doing this. DH had a word with the vicar, who put a stop to it sharpish. Your husband should do the same.

I had superstitions while going through IVF too. It turned out it was actually OCD. Jinxing isn’t real, you’re having intrusive thoughts. Tell your midwife how you’re feeling.

Oh, poor you. But of course she hasn’t jinxed it-that’s really not a thing. Could you turn it around into telling the Universe how people are happy and excited and looking forward to a new baby? But yes-I would ask your dp to tell his mother that tins worrying you to talk about it and please could she stop? Don’t tell her you think she’s a jinx though. If she’s nice it will upset her-if she’s not she’ll think you’re not thinking straight.

I said it to her directly and asked her to leave. She just said sorry.

but she’s done it before. She constantly tells me, if there’s any mention of fertility (for example folding away clothes too small for DC or even trying something on that’s gradually becoming small, anyone’s new baby being mentioned, baby groups where there is a younger sibling) she will say “I know you’ll have another baby” or “I can sense there’s another one coming to join our family soon”

She sounds like a knob, but you know jinxing isn’t real. Your DH needs to have a blunt word with her and tell her to pack in the Mystic Meg shit.

Logically, I know jinxing isn’t real—there’s no scientific proof. And trust me, I’m the last person who should believe in this stuff. I have a STEM degree, spent years in a numbers-driven career, and have always been the kind of person who leans on logic and facts.

But IVF has changed me. After everything we’ve been through, after so many heartbreaks and setbacks, I’ve reached a point where I’m willing to believe in anything that might tip the odds in my favor—even if it defies reason. Because when hope starts to feel out of reach, you cling to whatever you can.

She doesn’t sound like a knob. She sounds like somebody trying to be hopeful and positive. But she should stop when you ask her to.

She absolutely sounds like a knob. OP hasn't opened up to her about her fertility journey or asked for her opinion. Saying she 'knows' OP will have 2 more children is thoughtless, tactless, insensitive nonsense. As is getting her child to talk about siblings.

OP, your MIL is being cruel. But she can't 'jinx' you - it isn't possible. The words people say have zero impact on the outcome - but that doesn't mean they can't choose them more carefully.

@Deckedoutside@CurlewKate
i definitely havent opened up to her, the max I’ve said is “I have an egg collection so we can’t meet you in the park later” or “not sure which weekend we’ll be free to travel this month as we might have a transfer soon”
or if she’s said “wouldn’t it be lovely for Lilly to have a playmate?” - “yes we’re trying as hard as we can”