TW: Abortion, Pregnancy loss.
So this is definitely an anxiety post.
This is month 1 TTC. I've had 2 previous pregnancies, both accidental - one was discovered the day my partner (now husband) left his job and took some time out to switch careers, and we made a tough decision to terminate. The 2nd one ended in a MMC - stopped growing at 5w3d, found out on a private ultrasound at 10wks, medical management at about 11wks. I then suffered a horrendous bout of depression and it's taken us over a year to feel ready to try again. So we're coming at this with baggage.
Anyway, I'm now 11DPO, still testing negative on the ultra earlies, but I do have a shortish luteal phase (period due sort of now). Yesterday I had a minor car accident. My fault, and my 2nd at fault prang in 5 years. I drive about 14000 miles a year due to work, so statistically I'm a high risk driver, and this won't help. Also statistically it's about 50,000 miles since my last accident, so not horrendous odds, but I have lots of anxiety around driving.
In the aftermath, I was really panicky about the implications for insurance and work, my husband drove to meet me to check the damage and see if the car was safe to drive and be with me whilst I logged it all with my insurer. I didn't realise how upset I was until the adrenaline started to crash a couple of hours later. Now I'm worried that if a zygote/embryo/whatever it is at that stage was trying to implant, the shock will have negatively affected it.
Any thoughts? Insight? Reassurance? I just feel very hyped up emotionally by the probable disappointment of my period coming and the sense that it's my fault.