What’s a good excuse for not drinking?

[nondrinking]

This girl used to be one of my best friends, bridesmaid, cocktail buddy, and all-around partner-in-crime. Then I got married, had a baby, and embraced SAHM life, while she’s been off traveling and thriving in her career. We drifted apart, but after nearly two years, we’re finally meeting up!

She’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet), and since she knows my husband well, we’re making it a couples’ thing. Naturally, she asked the big question: What are we drinking? … fair enough, given our cocktail-fuelled history and the fact that (based on social media and the occasional message we’ve exchanged) I think alcohol is still a big part of her life (in a completely unproblematic way from what I can tell, she just enjoys it very regularly but in moderation, doesn’t tend to socialise without it)

The problem is, my husband and I have cut out alcohol while trying (unsuccessfully so far) for baby number two. But we’ve learned the hard way that announcing “We’re TTC” invites relentless check-ins and unsolicited advice. And with this friend, I know she’d always be asking for updates and isn’t one to keep a secret.

So, I’m thinking to make up an excuse? And what’s a good one that doesn’t scream “I’m pregnant”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, can we?

Cant you just say you’re both on a health kick after dry January etc. but also ask what she would like and get that in?

You’ve given up drinking to be healthier. You don’t need to explain your reasons to anyone.

Maybe you’re giving it up for lent? Or just on a health kick at the moment? My last pregnancy I just said the little one not sleeping great at the moment and I’m so out of the habit of regular drinking I feel it after one or two (truthfully) and it’s just not worth it if I’ve to be up a couple of times in the night and then up early for whatever class in the morning so sticking with non alcoholic beverage of choice.

Say you're taking the antibiotic Metronidazole as you're not allowed any alcohol with it.

Lifestyle upgrade?

I became allergic to alcohol quite suddenly during menopause. I used to just tell say this, occasionally people seemed unable to accept it. A couple of times I said "Sorry I don't anymore I promised the Judge last time." At least it stopped the conversation.
Good luck with everything.

I’d just say it’s a lifestyle change/ health reasons because that’s closest to the truth and covers both of you. If you haven’t really socialised with her since the birth of your first you could always say that you felt better not drinking while pregnant and breastfeeding (if you breastfed) and decided not to start again and your husband joined you. I wouldn’t use antibiotics because that’s pretty much a pregnancy announcement and if she’s not the type to let something go or keep it quiet then I wouldn’t want that on her mind.

Go with you've both given up for a lifestyle change/health kick. From what you've said that's not exactly a lie? Antibiotics is not so secret code for pregnancy/TTC so I'd avoid that. When I was not long pregnant with my second, I told people I hadn't returned to drinking since my first pregnancy (which was true) and that whatever event I was at wasn't the time to make a return and nobody questioned it.

You could say that one of you isn’t able to for whatever reason (antibiotics or something) and that the other has agreed to join in for moral support? I know my husband has always said he would quit drinking alongside me if I was pregnant for example. Or could one of you drive? My friend was pregnant a while back and didn’t want to tell anyone. She was at a party and got handed a glass of Prosecco and she managed to spend the whole night holding the same glass of Prosecco just pretending to sip it and no one noticed, she just kept taking and setting it down etc and then being like oh where’s my drink? Is this it? And sometimes picked up random half empty glasses. Or she went to the bathroom / kitchen holding it and tipped some out when no one was looking.

Another alternative is to make cocktails and just not put any in yours, or spirit and mixer and don’t put any in yours again. Or get a non alcohol gin and just discretely pour that one into your glasses. Or nosecco for you guys but Prosecco for theirs? Or make sure to pour the boys beers into glasses and make sure his is alcohol free. It’s quite easy to hide if you want to when you’re at home together rather than out when people are doing rounds.

You totally don’t need to offer an explanation and should be able to just say oh we aren’t drinking, but I get that isn’t exactly an option with certain friends - they will ask why! And while that can be rude from certain people, certain friends who genuinely can ask why will want to know.

She's a friend, why lie?

Tell her the truth. You've given up because you're TTC but it isn't something you want to talk about and you'd appreciate it if she didn't. If she pushes it just push back with 'I don't want to talk about it'.

She's just going to assume you're already pregnant. There's no point trying to hide it. Either try one of these painfully transparent healthkick/antibiotics excuses and have her question when the baby is due or tell her the truth and have her question how it's going a few times.

One of you started to get headaches after drinking and the other stopped in solidarity...

We should just be able to say ‘I don’t drink’ and not have to give a reason for it. This says more about them, than you.

My husband and don't drink and we just say to anyone that offers "sorry we arnt drinkers, but your ok to have a drink". And we leave it at that and don't make a big deal of it and no one know the wiser when we are ttc or not.

Just tell her you don't really drink any more - you can't handle it.

I don't understand how it's a big deal.

I'm afraid the vision of you looking daggers at your husband and saying 'yes, thanks to Derek, we're both on antibiotics' made me chuckle. He should look at his feet as you say this.