Secondary infertility should I give up

Prayingforamiracle2 · 2025-02-12T01:19:00+00:00

Hi everyone looking to see if anyone is in same position. Me and my husband have been TTC for 4 years now. We have a 10 year old and are both 30 and 31. We paid for tests 2 years ago all of which were clear and said only things they recommend was me loosing weight as my bmi was above 35. I have since lost 6 stone and my bmi is now 25. Im really starting to struggle mentally with not conceiving and keep thinking it will never happen for us. Doctors don’t seem interested because we already have a child. Please someone tell me I still have a chance of conceiving or do I need to accept we will never have another baby.

pepperminticecream · 12/02/2025 05:21

I am so sorry, fertility issues are so difficult but you are not alone. What test did you have done two years ago?

Sajacas · 12/02/2025 06:24

If you have the time take a look at this video:

WILL KETO HELP ME GET PREGNANT? — Dr. Eric Westman

There is some evidence that a low carb or keto diet can help with secondary infertility.
Best of luck.

Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 06:25

pepperminticecream · 12/02/2025 05:21

I am so sorry, fertility issues are so difficult but you are not alone. What test did you have done two years ago?

I’ve had all hormones checked amh scans all normal partners had semen analysis

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mumonthehill · 12/02/2025 06:36

I think those with secondary infertility all deal with it differently. I felt ok at having one so had no tests or treatment but my friend did have fertility treatment. I knew i would not cope with it. I became pregnant after 6 years and after giving every baby thing away I owned. It was a huge shock. I think there are no answers but I do feel for you.

Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 06:41

mumonthehill · 12/02/2025 06:36

I think those with secondary infertility all deal with it differently. I felt ok at having one so had no tests or treatment but my friend did have fertility treatment. I knew i would not cope with it. I became pregnant after 6 years and after giving every baby thing away I owned. It was a huge shock. I think there are no answers but I do feel for you.

We were young when I feel pregnant with my first and was most definitely unplanned (although wouldn’t change her for the world) so I feel like this is the first time I’ve experienced the maternial instinct of wanting a baby if that even makes sense. I don’t want to come across as ungrateful because I absolutely adore my girl and know I’m very lucky to have her .

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NaturWilde · 12/02/2025 06:47

I found it impossible to fall pregnant with a TSH above 2, even though up to 4.5 is considered ok. First thing the fertility clinic (for secondary infertility) did was prescribe levo. No further check for fertility treatment was needed, I was pregnant as soon as it kicked in.

worth ruling out a similar issue.

fingers crossed for you!

mumonthehill · 12/02/2025 06:48

Thats the thing you are supposed to feel grateful that you have one but it is far more complicated. It is so distressing as you love dc but yearn for another.

curlysue1991 · 12/02/2025 06:49

I was in the exact situation, same age gap, same age, although my partner is 4 years older. Lost over 5 stone, wasn't even trying to get pregnant because we thought we couldn't at the stage of being in the mindset for the previous 10 years if it happens it happens but it never did, until it did happen and she's now a hurricane of a 2.5 year old😍 I know it's different for everyone and I know it doesn't happen for everyone but there's still hope ❤️

Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 06:54

curlysue1991 · 12/02/2025 06:49

I was in the exact situation, same age gap, same age, although my partner is 4 years older. Lost over 5 stone, wasn't even trying to get pregnant because we thought we couldn't at the stage of being in the mindset for the previous 10 years if it happens it happens but it never did, until it did happen and she's now a hurricane of a 2.5 year old😍 I know it's different for everyone and I know it doesn't happen for everyone but there's still hope ❤️

This is exactly what I needed to hear thank you ❤️

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Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 06:56

NaturWilde · 12/02/2025 06:47

I found it impossible to fall pregnant with a TSH above 2, even though up to 4.5 is considered ok. First thing the fertility clinic (for secondary infertility) did was prescribe levo. No further check for fertility treatment was needed, I was pregnant as soon as it kicked in.

worth ruling out a similar issue.

fingers crossed for you!

fertility at private clinic mentioned this however gp wonder prescribe as classes as in their normal range and won’t refer me to an infertility clinic because I already have a child

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secondtimelucky87 · 12/02/2025 07:09

Have you had a HyCoSy to check your tubes? I've been trying for a second for 2 years and my first is nearly 4 so I feel your pain. I'm about to start medicated cycles privately to see if that works. Definitely work getting your tubes checked if you haven't. I paid privately but you are absolutely entitled to this on the NHS and your GP should refer you.

Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 07:15

secondtimelucky87 · 12/02/2025 07:09

Have you had a HyCoSy to check your tubes? I've been trying for a second for 2 years and my first is nearly 4 so I feel your pain. I'm about to start medicated cycles privately to see if that works. Definitely work getting your tubes checked if you haven't. I paid privately but you are absolutely entitled to this on the NHS and your GP should refer you.

What does a medicated cycle include?

is this cheaper than ivf as the thought of forking out all that money for ivf and it not working scares me

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pepperminticecream · 12/02/2025 07:33

I am not sure what scans you had but you need to make sure your tubes are open, and there aren't issues with your uterus preventing implantation. HSG test, saline ultrasound, possibly a uterine biopsy to test for infection. Have you had these tests? You need a full thyroid panel too. Your GP refusing to provide medication to get your thyroid below 2.5 is not okay, it is well known that a thyroid 2.5 and below is ideal for pregnancy. I would get blood work done again and push your GP for medication if your levels aren't perfect.

After 4 years of trying, I would see a private specialist.

Also, read "It starts with an egg."

NaturWilde · 12/02/2025 08:19

pepperminticecream · 12/02/2025 07:33

I am not sure what scans you had but you need to make sure your tubes are open, and there aren't issues with your uterus preventing implantation. HSG test, saline ultrasound, possibly a uterine biopsy to test for infection. Have you had these tests? You need a full thyroid panel too. Your GP refusing to provide medication to get your thyroid below 2.5 is not okay, it is well known that a thyroid 2.5 and below is ideal for pregnancy. I would get blood work done again and push your GP for medication if your levels aren't perfect.

After 4 years of trying, I would see a private specialist.

Also, read "It starts with an egg."

Absolutely this, as I said above, your TSH should be comfortably under 2/2.5.

secondtimelucky87 · 12/02/2025 08:46

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 07:15

What does a medicated cycle include?

is this cheaper than ivf as the thought of forking out all that money for ivf and it not working scares me

Show quote history

I am starting today. 5 days of Letrozole at 5mg. Monitoring scan to check my follicles on cd12 followed by a trigger shot and then timed intercourse. Your own protocol would depend on your individual circumstances but I'm paying £400 a cycle. It costs more in other places and if you need more scans. You definitely need a HyCoSy before you can do it though as it wouldn't work with blocked tubes.

Original poster

Prayingforamiracle2 · 12/02/2025 09:08

secondtimelucky87 · 12/02/2025 08:46

I am starting today. 5 days of Letrozole at 5mg. Monitoring scan to check my follicles on cd12 followed by a trigger shot and then timed intercourse. Your own protocol would depend on your individual circumstances but I'm paying £400 a cycle. It costs more in other places and if you need more scans. You definitely need a HyCoSy before you can do it though as it wouldn't work with blocked tubes.

Show quote history

i have an appointment for a hycosy on 9th April so once I have results that things something I will definitely look in to. When we went to private clinic all they offered us was IVF even though none of the tests they done indicated we needed it.

wishing you the best of luck with your cycle

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UnaOfStormhold · 12/02/2025 09:23

I recommend the book Fertile Thinking - it's great for processing emotions around infertility and has a section on deciding to stop. Parenting Your Only Child also helped me hugely with some of the guilt about not giving my son a sibling.

For me, at 45 I reached the point where I knew the chances of a healthy pregnancy were low, I didn't want to go through the turmoil of IVF when that was unlikely to succeed and I didn't want to have such a big age gap or to be back at the baby stage again in my late 40s. I cried at the appointment to fit the coil but it has brought me peace of mind not to be always hoping and then disappointed every period.

You're much younger and it sounds like you still have some avenues to explore, but I wanted to say that there are lots of ways of being ok and sometimes it is the right decision to stop.

curliegirlie · 12/02/2025 10:36

As it's been two years since the tests (and they were done privately anyway) is it worth asking for them through your GP now? Some things like semen analysis can fluctuate quite dramatically (large influence of lifestyle factors etc). When TTC my first, my DH had two rubbish SAs when we were undergoing investigations but I fell pregnant 6 months later. Around the same time I also found out I had hypothyroidism and so fell 6 months after I was started on Levothyroxine.

However, that wasn't the complete magic bullet - I still took 12 months to conceive DD2 and it's been nearly 3 years for round 3, despite the fact my cycles are more regular than they've ever been, I always get an LH surge, followed by AF 13 days later etc.

Notimeforahaircut · 12/02/2025 12:01

I would get your TSH levels tested again (first thing in the morning levels tend to be at their highest/most accurate) and find a private endocrinologist if they won't prescribe Levo under 4.5 xx

Some women feel awful/have symptoms of underactive thyroid if their TSH is above 2 and others don't x everyone is different but GPs are obviously limited so I'd definitely try and get seen by an endo with some up to date bloods x

sel2223 · 13/02/2025 04:01

Good luck to you OP.

We conceived DD1 on the second cycle so just assumed it would be easy for us with baby #2 but it took us 4 years!

By the end, we had stopped trying and tracking and, while we weren't using protection, we'd accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen for us. I was so sad about it but I'd made some peace with it as i was 40+ by that point and felt like time had run out.

I'm now 42 years old and 34 weeks pregnant so it did happen in the end!

You have time on your side and I wish you lots of luck. Hopefully you will get your BFP soon.