At a loss

[LivelyPombear]

Hello, I’ve been reading through all the ttc threads to get advice but nothing truly matches my story and I’m at a loss with what to do.

We’ve been TTC for nearly 3 years. During that time we both had issues (pcos/ejaculation). I’ve worked so hard on getting better and trying to reverse some of my issues. I now ovulate (confirmed by bbt), have lost a lot of weight and my cycles are more uniform.

My Husband however hasn’t received any help. Sometimes he is fine and will ‘finish’, other times not. I try not to put any stress on him and say it’s fine and not to worry, but i then end up spending the day crying while he is at work. We even tried home insemination and he couldn’t for that either.

What advice would you give? And would medication from the dr help?

Assuming your husband doesn't have medical issues and this is a performance based issue then I'm not sure if tablets would help or not. If it's a medical problem I'm sure there are things they can do - but if he can finish sometimes then I assume he doesn't have a blocked pipe or anything like that. If it's ED then tablets will help of course.

Assuming it's performance anxiety preventing him from ejaculating then I don't know if a doctor will be able to do much. When you tried home insemination were you there when he tried to finish? Maybe it's better if you try it both without and with you there at the time. Can you go read a magazine elsewhere, take a short stroll round the block if he feels awkward with you in the house etc? Or if he's previously only tried alone then maybe it's better if you are there and have all but PIV together?

The most important thing is your partner needs to actually acknowledge and address this. You can support him and work with him by assisting or leaving him be etc or trying something new sexually together (there is one fairly clear route to ejaculation for a man if he's open to try!!!) but if he buries his head in the sand/sulks/won't talk about it etc then you won't get anywhere.

Does your partner truly understand the female reproductive system and how small the window is? Mine was very misinformed and genuinely believed things like sex twice in a day would be good, and if we did that then wouldn't matter if we missed sex the next two days etc. it's not his fault - the education is appalling. But once he actually understood the 3 most important days he was very committed to making sure we don't miss.