Feeling so down. When is it time to call it a day?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

Girls I need to have a moan. I'm 6dpo and for the first time in my 3 years of ttc, I feel like giving up.

My last 3 years have been lived in two week increments, period and ovulation, then the two week wait, and I'm tired of it consuming me every month. We've had tests and there's nothing medically wrong with us, although that's obviously not true, they just don't what it is.

Post ovulation symptoms have tailed off now, and I won't have any cramping etc until AF shows which will be in about 8 days. So I'm just sat with my own thoughts about how another month has gone by, I'm 38, and I don't think it's going to happen for me.

It's got to the point where I don't even think about a potential baby, I'm just so focused on getting a bfp and "passing the test".

Sorry for the woe is me post, I needed to get it out.

TTC can be such a stressful time where it just takes the joy out of trying. Maybe you should give the militant tracking and testing a break and just give yourself some time to relax and not be hyper focused on getting pregnant. Maybe give yourself 3-6 months and enjoy life a little bit?

I don’t think you should call it a day, I think you should take a break. Throw out all the sticks and tests and book yourself a load of nice things to do over the next six months. Have some fun, do some new stuff. Then reassess in September and see how you feel.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, ttc is such a mind game and it totally takes over your life and thoughts, it is so so difficult.

I know it is difficult and appreciate you may not want to but it might really benefit you mentally to just take even a couple of months off, have a glass of wine, have a nice meal, book a weekend away, and just try to reset mentally even if its just for a short while.

I’ve got my fingers crossed for you x

When your less stressed it's more likely to happen. Stop trying. Dont use anything but stop trying.
Go do something fun, like a nice holiday and forget about it for a while.

Yeah I totally agree with all the other comments. I don't think people realise until there continuously checking strips seeing when af is due that people know how hard and stressful it can be

It's so frustrating because I know you're all right. If I was 30, 32 or even 35 then I'd be happy to take a break for a few months, I just don't feel like I can without feeling like I've missed more opportunities.

Uuuurrrgghhhhhh. That's the noise I just made 😂

Yeah I totally get it I'm the same age

Are you eligible for IVF or IUI? If not, could you afford it privately? I agree; they may not have found anything wrong, but after 3 years trying I would assume there is something.

I really feel for you. I think mentally potentially taking a break could help, but I also feel at 38 there isn't time to waste. This might not be a healthy mindset but it's just how I would feel.

For me personally I would be looking into assisted conception ASAP, throw everything you have at it.

And then I would set a date whereby you will stop trying, and start looking into other options - perhaps 2 years from now. There is a point in the future where trying will be futile, I wouldn't personally be able to take a break now knowing that this stage of life will be coming to a close.

But as long as you keep DTD regularly, you’re not missing any opportunities

I think there's too much strain on women's biological clock which automatically thinks by a certain age if it hasn't happened it won't happen and I think that's wrong yeah being a certain age it does decrease but that's not to say it won't happen. Do people get where I'm going with this

After my wobble last night, I've decided to get in touch with a fertility clinic to discuss our options.

Not really sure if ivf is right for me, or can be done, but at least I'll have some clarity on whether it's worth hanging on a little longer.

@overthinkersanonnymus sounds like a plan. In the meantime, I can't overstate the psychological benefit of taking a break. It's obviously so much harder to do than it is to say, but here are some things I did:

1. Signed up for a challenge that pregnancy could make difficult. For me that was entering a half marathon (yes I know that women run while pregnant, but I didn't see myself as one of them!)

1. Told myself that I was taking 6 months off (actively) trying, to focus on mental and physical health. Dedicating a time limit really helped, psychologically. During this time, I relaxed my attitude to alcohol, caffeine etc.

1. Signed up for a few stress relieving complementary therapies. I was (and still am) a sceptic regarding the mechanisms by which some of these therapies claim to work, but the scents, spaces and therapists' focus on/empathy for me seemed to help. The acupuncture did seem to help more specifically with my painful ovulation, extended spotting and PMS, I have to say. Might have been the placebo effect, of course, but I'll take that!