Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

Too late to give my daughter a sibling?

20 replies

Heysoulsista · 03/01/2025 07:43

I'm 28, my husband 31. We have a 7 year old daughter that will turn 8 in May. When she was 1, we planned her to get a sibling for her when she was about 3/4... alas, depression knocked on my door and it took over 6 years of my 20's (not f-ing fair). Anyways, today I'm happier than ever and my depression is gone. We're now planning on our second and she really wants a sibling, I wonder if 8 is too old now? :(
What do you think?

OP posts:

MonopolyQueen · 03/01/2025 07:47

it’s not too late! it will be a different sibling experience but my dd loves her db (8.5 year gap). They play and fight and argue and giggle in ways I can’t replicate as a Grown Up. Go for it.

Haaaaappyyynewyear · 03/01/2025 07:49

Of course not!

DailyEnergyCrisis · 03/01/2025 07:49

It’s more about if you want another child rather than “getting a sibling” for your eldest.

Trainors · 03/01/2025 07:50

of course she’s not too old to have a sibling. However they will be in different life stages (e.g when your DD is in secondary school your youngest will be just starting infants) so you won’t get the same sibling dynamic you would if they were both little at the same time. Nothing wrong with that but just something to consider.

also please consider that if you are prone to depression then postnatal depression can hit you hard even if you didn’t get it the first time.

OurDreamLife · 03/01/2025 07:51

My child will be 16 soon and I’m hoping to have a second while I’m still in my early 30s.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 03/01/2025 08:09

I'd agree it's more another child for you than a playmate for her.
Still can be a lovely sibling relationship but they will be into different things just due to age. It's not too big a gap, it's not like she's a teenager, probably nicely big enough that she can keep her things out of reach of the baby when needed and still have quite a few years living together to bond.

TwentyTwentyFive · 03/01/2025 08:10

Not too old but your terminology is odd. This is not getting her a sibling, it's adding another child who is their own person to your family. Do you want another child or are you just doing this so your daughter has a sibling?

ToastyCat · 03/01/2025 08:14

I think it's more about whether you want another child rather than your daughter a sibling.

They'll be in different life stages rather quickly.

LashesZ · 03/01/2025 08:14

We have a similar age gap and wouldn't change it. Yes, they aren't playmates but that isn't what being a sibling is all about. Age caps close as you near adulthood and that's when having a sibling can have its benefits.

crumblingschools · 03/01/2025 08:15

Why does your DD want a sibling? A sibling at least 9 years younger than them is going to be very different to a sibling at least couple of years different in age. May mean restrictions on activities they currently do, different types of holidays, having younger sibling always trailing after them.

Blue2020 · 03/01/2025 08:21

My brothers are 10+12 years older than me. I would say I saw them for the first 5-7 yrs of my life and then they grew up and moved out so saw them less. I felt like an only child in a lot of ways. I have memories of being 5 and my brother building my doll house with me at Xmas, of us fighting a lot. We never really played together though due to being too different in ages.

However I am relatively close to them as adults now. I’m glad I have siblings and along with that nieces/nephew.

So no I don’t think it’s too late. But only have another child if it’s what you really want.

emmax1980 · 03/01/2025 08:22

No people have bigger age gaps, go for it

Mishmashs · 03/01/2025 08:31

She won’t really be a playmate for your daughter but it doesn’t mean they won’t have a fulfilling f relationship. I’m really close to my older sisters and there is a 12 yr gap between my next oldest one and me, and a 14 year gap between the eldest and me. We message almost daily and see each other whenever we can.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/01/2025 08:46

You're not 'getting her a sibling', you are deciding whether or not to have a mother child. If you want one of course you can.

Babyenroute · 03/01/2025 08:50

My brother is 12 years younger than me and now that we are adults we are really good friends and don't notice the gap at all! When he was little I was more in caring role than a playmate but I am so glad he was born

GRCP · 03/01/2025 08:52

My sister is my best friend in the world and she is 10 years older than me.

CleanShirt · 03/01/2025 08:53

TwentyTwentyFive · 03/01/2025 08:10

I agree - very strange.

Also there's no guarantee they'll be friends, regardless of the age gap.

Original poster

Heysoulsista · 03/01/2025 11:39

Thanks for the positive comments!! Let me add that I do want a second child with all my heart and soul, it's not just because my daughter tells me to I just meant that my daughter talks about it alot.
Seeing the poll and comments makes me feel more calm and comfortable about our decision.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heysoulsista · 03/01/2025 11:43

-and maybe I'm putting my words in a different order and that I might confuse some of you, as you can notice, my grammar is bad. I'm from Sweden and my expression of her "getting a sibling" was meant to sound positive, because in Swedish it does.

OP posts:

seven201 · 03/01/2025 11:45

I have an 8 year old and a 1 year old - I wanted a 2 year gap but we had secondary infertility. I'm 42 so older than I wanted to be. My older one does get very jealous and acts up looking for attention at times, but they love each other and have such fun playing together. It's tricky already in finding activities that suit both ages, so that is frustrating. I think go for it. We feel complete as a family now.

Flip