I know I'm not but feel I am

[jas273]

As the title says really.
I feel so very stupid & upset.
No point to this post other than to say what's on my mind.

I have one child who took 11 years to conceive.
I am beyond grateful I was able to have a child at all after all the years of thinking I couldn't.

But selfishly I feel incomplete.
I also worry that my funeral will be the sole responsibility of my child to arrange & the thought eats me up.

I genuinely believed I was pregnant last month, I had "symptoms" I had the electric zinger feeling in my breast, took my breath away, I had similar shap pains in my uterus alongside pulling sensation, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, low moods, lost my appetite and then was 3 days late .. I worked myself up into thinking I was pregnant, I am usually not a symptom spotter at all but something made me feel I was in fact pregnant.

I had my AF 2 days of light spotting that I NEVER get I always come on unapologetically full force and very heavy, clots etc.

So foolishly I believed the spotting was implantation until I had an additional two days of heavy Flo I counted myself out entirely.

However like the idiot I am I still feel pregnant despite knowing I'm not the thought of 'could I be one of those women who had a "period" but was actually pregnant' - I'm not.
I've not taken a test because, well ££. I'm not wasting any more money on these tests I become a POSA and i just can't justify it but why do I feel pregnant

I get pmt a week before AF religiously and this time 1 week past AF my mood has been awful, I've been so bloody emotional my poor partner has taken the brunt & I can't justify why I feel as I do ..

No purpose to this other than I'm in my feelings and wish I'd get an amazing Christmas surprise but know full well it will probably never happen for me again.

Pitty party at its finest :(

@jas273 an understandable and justifiable reason to have a pity party! Our body plays horrible tricks on us sometimes. So sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I am on a thread with some lovely, supportive ladies who are TTC, some in a similar boat if you'd like to join x

Im so sorry you are going through these feelings and I can relate so much. The one thing I have learnt after 14 months ttc my second is that the body plays tricks on you SO BAD when you’re ttc and hyper focusing. In the last few months I have had allllll the symptoms. I’ve spent so long squinting at faint lines/evaps and been broken hearted time and time again. I’m currently 2dpo and refusing to track my BBT or buy cheapies this month. It’s playing havoc on my mental health. I’m trying to be in the ‘what will be will be’ mindset.

Sending you lots of baby dust and hope you can enjoy some wine and cheese and chocolate this Christmas and next year will be our year x

Thank you.
Honestly tricks isn't the word how delusion must I be to still think I'm pregnant, my boob hurt I'm so emotional and really I've probably just subconsciously manifested these feelings because i want to be pregnant.
It's just so frustrating and last month was the only month we covered 4days leading up to ovulation as well as on the day and three days after I was so certain we had managed it to then be late a few days, then spotting I was so bloody certain until I had the heavy Flo yet here I am sat on a forum discussing that I feel pregnant while knowing I'm not :( here's hoping the next year brings us all the much wanted BFP