I'm struggling.

marmiteontoastx · 2024-12-21T12:49:34+00:00

I suffered a pregnancy loss last month. Then on my wedding anniversary my best friend found out she was pregnant. I'm over the moon for her but I'm so devastated for my husband and I. We really want a baby and the trauma we've suffered has been awful. I knew she wanted another baby so it's not out of the blue but the grief has hit me all over again. Now I'm sitting in a restaurant in the daytime and children are everywhere, babies and families all over and I'm not pregnant like I was supposed to be. I love my friend so much and I'm excited for her but I'm heartbroken for me. This is so hard, I had a breakdown yesterday and am trying not to cry in the restaurant now. Please wish me strength.

serendipity70 · 21/12/2024 13:11

Hope you are ok, I completely understand how you feel 💐

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 13:20

serendipity70 · 21/12/2024 13:11

Hope you are ok, I completely understand how you feel 💐

Thank you <3 it's just really hard. I really don't want her to think she can't talk to me either because I never want her to feel that way.
She didn't mean to tell me on my anniversary either it just came out. I've welled up about 10 times during my meal. I hope it gets easier next year and I get by baby soon.

OP posts:

tsmainsqueeze · 21/12/2024 13:30

I am so sorry for your loss it really does break your heart.
My 3rd pregnancy miscarried and a wise midwife said to me at the time- there is a 75 percent chance i will be seeing you again with a baby ,those words really gave me hope when i was feeling hopeless.
I wish you strength and hope and that in the not so distant future you will hold your precious baby in your arms.

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 13:37

tsmainsqueeze · 21/12/2024 13:30

I am so sorry for your loss it really does break your heart.
My 3rd pregnancy miscarried and a wise midwife said to me at the time- there is a 75 percent chance i will be seeing you again with a baby ,those words really gave me hope when i was feeling hopeless.
I wish you strength and hope and that in the not so distant future you will hold your precious baby in your arms.

Thank you, this means a lot <3
I just went to get a pregnancy book for my friend to give as a gift to show her I'm here for her and the shop assistant said "aw is this for you?" And that nearly set me off again. I wish it was for me.

OP posts:

tsmainsqueeze · 21/12/2024 13:58

The thing is until it happens to you, you have very little idea of how common pregnancy loss is and if only we could get through this loss without all the painful emotions and broken dreams we suffer, but we are not made that way and that's why it is so bloody debilitating.
Take care of yourself ,stay inside in the cosy warmth for now if it helps and treat yourself with kindness ,nothing else really matters but you at the moment.
I promise you that even though you can't see it now in time this cloud will begin to lift and you can take a chance again.

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 14:13

tsmainsqueeze · 21/12/2024 13:58

The thing is until it happens to you, you have very little idea of how common pregnancy loss is and if only we could get through this loss without all the painful emotions and broken dreams we suffer, but we are not made that way and that's why it is so bloody debilitating.
Take care of yourself ,stay inside in the cosy warmth for now if it helps and treat yourself with kindness ,nothing else really matters but you at the moment.
I promise you that even though you can't see it now in time this cloud will begin to lift and you can take a chance again.

Thank you, this really means a lot <3 I guess I'd got it into my head I was pregnant again but I'm just not. Hopefully my time will come again soon.

OP posts:

ginandoreos · 21/12/2024 14:44

Hi @marmiteontoastx

I just want to tell you that there is so much hope. I've been where you are and felt those feelings so deeply and felt like my heart has broken into pieces and I'll never be the same again. I've been through the brutality of loss and the associated medical interventions and it felt like I was the only one.

I have 2 children now. Whilst I know that those painful times of my life happened and the grief was overwhelming, its hard to remember it being real.

As time has passed I'm more accepting of what happened and how sadly it is so common for so many women. Many of the women I know have a similar story to me. In my close friendship group 50% have experienced loss. All of that group have children now.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings and to grieve - but do have hope ❤️. This will get better, I promise.

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 14:55

ginandoreos · 21/12/2024 14:44

Hi @marmiteontoastx

I just want to tell you that there is so much hope. I've been where you are and felt those feelings so deeply and felt like my heart has broken into pieces and I'll never be the same again. I've been through the brutality of loss and the associated medical interventions and it felt like I was the only one.

I have 2 children now. Whilst I know that those painful times of my life happened and the grief was overwhelming, its hard to remember it being real.

As time has passed I'm more accepting of what happened and how sadly it is so common for so many women. Many of the women I know have a similar story to me. In my close friendship group 50% have experienced loss. All of that group have children now.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings and to grieve - but do have hope ❤️. This will get better, I promise.

Thank you so much for the kind words <3 it really means a lot. It's really comforting to speak with women who have gone through similar things. I hope I will be like you one day and be able to come back here and say I have children now.

I ache because I don't just want a baby, I want a family, a person who will grow up around me and grow a personality and go on silly family holidays to the seaside. I don't want much, I'm not asking for anything huge, just to have a proper family with my husband and a child so we can all be together and then nothing else will matter outside of our little family circle. I want to experience joy with them and go shopping or find their hobbies and see who they grow into.

It just hurts feeling like I've lost my chance since I'm no longer pregnant. I'll heal and be okay but for some reason my friends pregnancy has triggered me more than I thought it would.

OP posts:

Lollystar15 · 21/12/2024 16:40

I don't have advise but I do know the pain
I lost my baby in November and a few weeks later my best friend told me she was pregnant. Her due date is 2 days after mine would be. I'm happy for her but some days it feels like I can't breathe through the pain, which feels like it has doubled with her news. It is harder than I ever imagined.

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 18:17

Lollystar15 · 21/12/2024 16:40

I don't have advise but I do know the pain
I lost my baby in November and a few weeks later my best friend told me she was pregnant. Her due date is 2 days after mine would be. I'm happy for her but some days it feels like I can't breathe through the pain, which feels like it has doubled with her news. It is harder than I ever imagined.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling too. I completely understand how you feel. I really hope you get your rainbow baby soon <3

OP posts:

MaryGreenhill · 21/12/2024 18:23

After 13 years of infertility,I miscarried my first 2 babies and l was a mess OP .
I never thought l would have another chance of becoming a Mum . I was heartbroken, jealous of anyone pregnant and they were everywhere you looked .
I then had 2 beautiful girls within 17 months of each other and my cup runneth over .
Please take heart and hope from everyone here . The likelihood is you will have a baby .
Have a lovely Christmas and make this year your Baby year, bless you there use everything to hope for.

Original poster

marmiteontoastx · 21/12/2024 18:30

MaryGreenhill · 21/12/2024 18:23

After 13 years of infertility,I miscarried my first 2 babies and l was a mess OP .
I never thought l would have another chance of becoming a Mum . I was heartbroken, jealous of anyone pregnant and they were everywhere you looked .
I then had 2 beautiful girls within 17 months of each other and my cup runneth over .
Please take heart and hope from everyone here . The likelihood is you will have a baby .
Have a lovely Christmas and make this year your Baby year, bless you there use everything to hope for.

Thank you for the sweet words <3 I really hope I can come back someday and tell you you were right.

OP posts: