Hand hold please :( feel like it's never gonna happen

[Ruby233]

Just really need to vent and be upset, I cannot stop crying this morning.
In April I had a MMC 48 hours before my wedding I had to have surgery... super traumatic time.
Fast forward months of long 42 day cycles - GP said I had high cortisol levels and my ovulation was delayed due to trauma, she wasn't worried.
Then cycles went to 35 days, and today I am 2 days late with super sore nipples and dull cramps so I was sooo excited. Big fat BFN and I just really got my hopes up that I would be pregnant again before the end of the year.
I am so sad and feel so helpless. I guess I am 6/7 months of TTC since my MMC in april.

I'm so sorry for the stressful time you are going through.

It's easier said than done but cortisol levels do need to come down and will also help towards regulating your hormones/cycle.

Are you taking any herbal supplements? Once you do that I would pair it with fertility Accupuncture, to try and 'reset' everything.

@iamalovingmum thank you so much for replying, I just do not have friends who understand what I'm going through to talk too. I'm 30 and they've either had babies super easy or not trying for babies yet so I do feel super alone.
What herbal supplements do you suggest I can look into?
I actually did accupunture for a good few months but then stopped as it didn't help my cycle length. Soon as I stopped my cycles shortened down to 35 days so I dont know if that was a physiological response of not trying so hard. I have heard so many amazing success stories with accupunture but it just wasn't for me.

So sorry for your losses, I had similar and I'm site using agnus castus when TTC helped us. I now have two children so even offer multiple miscarriages these little bundles of joy so make an appearance when they're ready - good luck

I'm so sorry OP. It's ok to feel sad and cry. Try and be kind to yourself - TTC is fucking hard sometimes and it's such a personal journey that it's easy to end up feeling alone. And at a time when everyone says to relax and not get stressed, the months without that BFP make it increasingly hard. Unfortunately I don't have any actual advice, but keep posting on here if you need support 🤗🤗🤗

@FloofPaws thank you for your lovely reply and I am so happy for you getting your happy ending with your children ❤️ Do you mind me asking why you took agnus cactus? I will have a look into it.
I keep telling myself when my little baby is ready they will come to me. I know its so silly but I am so regretting not starting to try in my 20s. I really worry about running out of time.

@sexnotgenders thank you so much your message is so so so sweet. It just sucks when you get your bfn you're already hormonal and it's just the worst feeling.

I also used agnus castus when TTC my first (I had long cycles when coming off the pill, no sign of ovulation through BBT, got diagnosed with hypothyroidism shortly after I started taking AC, was in the midst of an 146 day cycle, then finally ovulated just before I started on my thyroid meds, so I credit agnus castus with finally getting things going!). I then conceived 6 months later!

I am now cycle 37 of TTC a third. My cycles are much more regular now but no joy, despite taking various supplements at different times, but I am also 42 which probably doesn't help. Anyway give AC a go - you take it up to ovulation so I used to take it for the first 12 days of my cycle. Good luck!

To know what herbal supplements to take I think you have to try and pinpoint why you think you're not conceiving, is the length of the cycle?

Since you have been able to conceive in the past, sounds like you're able to ovulate and ovaries are fine.

Do you track ovulation at all? The premom app can predict ovulation quite well after a few cycles, especially if you upload the ovulation stick pictures.

Just offering a hand hold. Three years ttc, one recent miscarriage and currently on round 2 ivf. Sometimes I feel like raging about it all! I'd quite like to have a tantrum maybe. But I'm always surprised to have new hope after each period. No actual advice to give, but I will say, 30 is not running out of time at all. I didn't even start trying till 36 (kissed a lot of frogs) and a lot has happened since then, including in terms of NHS help (it's there). You've got time. But also, you've got space here for a rage along!

So sorry OP. It is devastating. After I lost my Baby boy at 26+4 and a miscarriage at 8 weeks i did bring home my dc's. They are older now but i had my youngest at 40. I never dreamt i would bring home my beautiful babies. Please don't give up. I was totally heart broken and filled with sadness but I truly hope you will bring home a little one to love and cherish.

Forgot to add, I had acupuncture for fertility and stress. I had lots of sessions and once I was pregnant again I stopped when I reached 12 weeks. I hope you have your happy ending op. X

Ladies thank you so much for your replies. I honestly welled up all over again
My GP said she believes due to the MMC next to my wedding my cortisol levels are very high so delay ovulation, they have got better since that appointment and now down to 35 day cycle. The MMC surgery etc really messed with my cycles for a while. I'm not sure why I'm not concieving since my misscarriage. We've been trying since July, I do strip tests and get my peak and then have my period 12 days later so all seems good on that end. I just think my body is sad... I'm not sure.
Should I be worried I haven't fallen pregnant again since my MMC?
I constantly panic and dip into health anexity on it all

I got pregnant first go with my baby I miscarried and I think it made me very naive tbh. And now being newly weds I'm constantly asked when's the baby on its way and I just want to scream we had a miscarriage the same week of our wedding at them.

Very sorry for your loss and completely understand your devastation - our bodies really do play tricks on us. It took me 16 months and now I have a healthy nearly one year old asleep in the next room. These are the things that seemed to work for me and that I did differently the month I conceived. The thing that kept me going was always having practical steps I could take to improve my chances.

1. I listened to a guided meditation before going to sleep and during the night called my Fertility Control Room (Jackie Brown) - find one you like.
2. I took seaweed powder every morning (spirulina)
3. I had started to live and enjoy my life properly again, concentrated on being the healthiest version of myself and detached a bit from that feeling of just waiting to get pregnant.

Wishing you all the best.

@Tuesdayschild2006 thank you for your message and I really resonate with what you've said. So so so happy to hear about your baby.
Can I ask how did you take spirulina? I just had a Google and the benefits look great. Was this a tablet form?

Although I took 10 cycles (over 16 months) with DD1, because the complete lack of anything over those cycles I think I fell into the trap of BFP = baby. I then had a CP when TTC DD2, and what triggered my latest (never ending...) TTC stint was a surprise pregnancy which ended in an early MC. Before that one I think I assumed a CB weeks indicator would definitely = baby and so it was devastating when 4 days after the BFP, and I'd just got used to the idea, I started bleeding.

I'm so sorry you had to go through your MMC just before your wedding 😢. Absolutely heartbreaking.

The way you expressed your body being sad made me really emotional and I wouldn't underestimate what your body is feeling. I didn't have a MMC, but I was told at a scan that my baby wasn't measuring as it should. Within the hour I started to miscarry. I think my body needed to see the baby and hear the words before it realised something wasn't right and it needed to let the baby go. Before I walked into that room nothing felt wrong and I had no idea. But the way my body felt as I left was polar opposite. All just because of some words and an image. So please don't underestimate how long you may need to heal. We're all different and it sounds like the doctor did find you had abnormally high stress hormones, so there's facts to back up what you are feeling. I am thankful I went on to have 2 healthy babies (now 3 and 1 years old, so still babies really), and I was in my 40s when they were both born, so you haven't left this too late. Just look after yourself, and be kind to yourself and I really hope the new year brings you the happiness you're longing for xx

It was powder from Holland and Barratt which I used to make a smoothie but I think the tablets would be equally good if you prefer (as long as they are pure) as it does have quite a strong taste.

This one:

www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/naturya-organic-greens-blend-60008372

I can completely relate to this. I lost a baby at 19 weeks last November so over a year ago now. Been trying again ever since and I too know AF is on the way, having awful cramps and had BFN at 10 dpo. I did get pregnant in September but it turned out to be a chemical, that was really hard too. I seriously feel like giving up now! I'm 38 too and feel that time is running out 😢

My cycle got very messed up after the chemical (but not the late miscarriage weirdly). It was 40 days after that when it's usually 30 - 32 days roughly. I started taking Maca root in October and both cycles since the have been 28 days! So I'd recommend giving that a go x

I should say I had also been taking this range of products for about 8 months. There is a lot of scientific evidence to back up ubiquinol in particular whereas the greens was just my personal experience in my pursuit of overall good health but I've highlighted it because this was something I did differently the month I conceived. It is so so hard and I cried so much every month when I was unsuccessful but my advice is concentrate on being healthy mentally and physically.

www.zitawest.com/collections/finding-it-difficult

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear of your mmc. I just wanted to reply with my little story to give you some hope.

I fell pregnant for the first time after 8 months of ttc. All was going well and then I had a mmc. It floored me emotionally and I had to have an erpc. That was back in May 2019. My original due date of November came and went and I still wasn't pregnant. I'd been dreading the due date every month after each failed cycle and then actually, I felt nothing after the due date passed. On Christmas Day I was ovulating and in my 8th month of ttc (yet again) and I had a positive test on 4th January 2020. That positive test is now my 4 year old wonderful dd. When she turned 1, we started ttc. Time ticked by and on month 8 of ttc, I fell pregnant with my ds who is now 2.

I understand how painful it can be to see a bfn after a mmc and that desperation to be pregnant again. In all of my pregnancies, every cycle took 8 months to conceive by pure coincidence! I'm sorry that it's taking you longer than you had hoped but just know that your baby is waiting for you and you're statistically more than likely to be pregnant again by May.

Wow I just want to thank everyone who has commented, I cried again reading all your comments. It really helps me knowing women out there share your pain and I am not alone.
It also massively helps me from reading that it seems after a MMC it can just take that bit longer. I came up on my period today, had a good cry that I won't have a bfp in 2024 again.
As awful as it is to say as I got married this year but I am so ready to see the back of it!!!

@curliegirlie thank you, wow 16 months but that gives me so much hope. I so know what you mean 10 cycles but 16 months as I worked it out ive had 5 cycles since my MMC due to how long it took my period to come back after. But the amount of time that has passed feels huge. Huge congrats on your babies 😘😘

@sexnotgenders :( yes I feel like the way we talk to our bodies really does have a huge affect. After my doctors appointment in September when she told me it was stress and everything is OK I had my first normal cycle that month and it goes to show how physiological this whole process is. I started therapy 2 months ago and its really helped, I didnt realise quite how much miscarrying on my wedding day affected me and I have really held on to it internally. I feel so angry if that makes sense. Your story has really helped me. Huge congrats on your babies 😘😘

@tuesdayschild2006 thank you so so so much I will have a good research into what you sent over. I have told myself 2025 I focus on getting my health back on track, since the miscarriage and my wedding I really have let myself go there and lost alot of love for myself and I need to look aftermyself from within. Thank you so much.

@pennyroses I am so sorry to hear of your losses, I really am 😔. Thank you for telling me about maca root and that's amazing it got you down to 28 day cycles, I would love that!!! I get so nervous to try things like maca root incase it makes my cycle longer. Do you have a brand you like?

@losingpatiencetoday I just bawled my eyes out at your message. I am so sorry of your loss, I was due end of November too and had an MVA sugery which i think is rhe same thing?
Me and my husband let a balloon go 2 weeks ago so I could feel some form of release and I found it so helpful. I think that's why this bfn has really hit me hard as I so wanted to be pregnant before my due date.
Fully cried at your Christmas mirical but it just goes to show the whole relaxing and taking your mind off does work. Your story has helped me so much. Allowing myself to cry and cry today to get it out. The hormones from being on my period are really not helping everything!

@Ruby233 I totally get what you mean, I don't like taking new supplements either as I always seem to get side effects! Tried agnus castus, that didn't agree with me. Tried procieve aswell as heard really good results with that but it made me feel so ill 🤢
I only take one tablet of maca a day from first day of period until just before ovulation. Sometimes I only take it for a week or so as I do find I get more migraines on it but then I do get them anyway so it's hard to tell. But I can say it has 100% definitely helped with my cycles so it's probably worth it. Heres the link to the one I get https://www.amazon.co.uk/Capsules-Strength-Supplements-Menopause-Menstrual/dp/B0BDMSY9B3/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_pp?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Lx9L52joKKwS6Z81v9vI5LHiz1IvNVb04yXNtW1ysREHApE6BQJq8fhINDLxoo_H6YhOE_9FO4wtWeXMX7wLU5sI_2wh9MmcJUgd8o9UY_ltLfEBQPJRdQS9FKoTVfpm0rzNFCHO1bl6qL-WuXUdnC1ql3xJ6CYF5zoKF90FmMueoCFv8SFv-pbIgt_Iy9QYQL1LBd-YojBxZou4XV2E5w.Ww86bdWztmtQPclAer7TsZS0OSpk-sSnq3NGwWGGmfc&dib_tag=se&keywords=Maca+root&qid=1734451673&sr=8-3