Never had a bfp at 38....am I just too old now?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

I've been on and off here for a few years whilst actively trying and also just not preventing (in the hope the "just relax" effect would happen).

It's never happened and I'm now feeling like I'm too old. We've had all the testing done and there's no physical reason for the infertility.

No real point to this thread other than to get my thoughts down and maybe some people with words of wisdom may come along to cheer me up!

I successfully had my son at 40. If had miscarriages before but for his pregnancy I threw a lot at it. I got tests and did supplements and acupuncture and a soy transfusion (I went to the Zita West clinic in London) and who knows what contributed but I stayed pregnant and had a healthy boy. I've got many friends who had kids in their early and mid forties. Some with IVF some without. You're not too old! Good luck it's a very hard process. X

After 13 years of trying I had my DD at 39. I had a conversation with DH to say we would give medical help 1 more try but luckily it happened naturally. 38 isn’t too old as long as you are well enough to care for them / chase around after them when toddling.

Yes maybe worth saying I was just about to start IVF and then go pregnant. Weird what happens!

I had my first DD at 42, I used those ovulation sticks & DTD at the right times & it then happened. Pregnancy & birth all good.

If you’ve been tested & all good, keep trying!

Thanks for the positive stories girls. I'm having 6 more months of active trying then I think it'll be decision time on either ivf or accepting it's not meant to be for us.

At 38, I'm not sure I'd wait too long if IVF is a serious consideration. IVF effectiveness is very age dependent. If you have the funds and are already considering it, I'd perhaps start considering success rates at different clinics etc.

I had no.2 at 38 and no.3 at 41. So, you're not too old. But my first was IVF after a colleague told me to not make his mistake and wait too long to start IVF. I'm still grateful for this advice, hence passing it on!

Yeah, if you plan to do IVF, in all honesty you need to get the ball rolling on that now. Forgive me for saying so, but having not conceived in two years does suggest that your fertility is lower than average and other people's successful conceiving in their 40s is unlikely to be relevant. The chances of IVF being successful will decline rapidly with your age at this stage.

I had my dd at 40 no problems. I had tests and when they came back OK with my third ( tried for two years) I fell pg. I think stress plays a part. Try acupuncture. With the mind of looking after yourself and relaxing. It might help

Sorry you're having a hard time conceiving but 'too old'? No. I'm 42 and currently 24 weeks pregnant, DD1 was born when I was 37.
Having said that, after 2 years TTC, I'd be looking to get the ball rolling with some tests and IVF now whatever your age. I wouldn't wait.

Good luck

There’s no good evidence that stress (or acupuncture) plays a part in TTC and most people find it extremely unhelpful and almost victim blaming to be told that relaxing will help them conceive.

OP if you have been trying for more than a year I would consider moving onto IVF asap if this is something you want to consider as PP are right it is something that’s success varies with age.

I don't know why, but I'm really frightened of the whole ivf thing! I have a few friends who went through it, some with success and some without.

It's so frustrating that my body just won't do what I'd like it to do!

If there was a clear cut reason for the infertility then I'd be able to logically look at the facts etc, but because there's no reason for it, I worry that there's a reason (spiritually maybe?) it's never happened.

I know that's a silly thought.

Go for IVF now, don’t leave it any longer.

If there's nothing they've discovered in the bloods (assuming they've checked for things like thyroid issues, which is what screwed me up initially when TTC - Levothyroxine then got my cycles back on track) or something like PCOS (which you might be able to get something like clomid for to help you ovulate), male factor may be an issue, but is pretty easily changeable. My DH had SA results which seemed to suggest that ICSI would be the only option, but then we then went onto conceive naturally twice (or 3 times if you count my early MC). Other than that it is purely a luck game, especially as we get a bit older. My last BFP at 39, which resulted in the MC, was a surprise and the result of being a bit lax with the pill for a few weeks. But I've since had 36 cycles of nothing, regardless of tracking, not tracking, including a few cycles over holidays when we were definitely more relaxed, taking DHA, pre conception vitamins or just folic acid 🤷‍♀️ I'm sure you'll eventually have more joy than me - I know many people, my mum included, who have successfully conceived past 40. I really feel like the outlier here...

Just take it one step at a time - bitesize pieces or it'll get totally overwhelming.
First step is just that first contact to get the ball rolling, then the appointment is step 2..... remind yourself you can stop the process at any time.

I've heard lots of tales of couples actually falling pregnant naturally after they start the process so don't know if it's just taking the pressure off or what but you never know what will happen!

You've got absolutely nothing to lose just taking the first steps.

Consider going to your GP and ask to be put on the waiting list now (is that still an option it was for me 5 years ago) and by the time your turn rolled around you may well be pregnant. It all moves slowly and worth starting moving in the direction as it would likely be 6 months before any treatment starts so you could be looking at a year. Good luck

Please don't be frightened of IVF. Make the call to your GP and get the ball rolling whilst still trying yourself. I did this at 32 and had a successful round at 33. It can take a good 6 months + for appointments and tests etc on NHS. I was terrified, I don't deal well with anything medical but as another pp has said, take one step/day at a time. I had unexplained fertility too, and I believe because of that ie no big issues found, our journey was quite smooth. I had accupuncture, a short medication course of 2 weeks of injections, egg collection, embryo transfer BFP!! You may not even need to go as far as IVF, GP may start you on clomid first and that may be all you need. Make the call.

I'm 43 now and regretting waiting so long for a 2nd. We unfortunately had two natural losses at 41 and I've been unable to bring myself to try again. I'm now in a blind panic about time and hopefully having a frozen embryo transfer in the new year.

Good luck x

If you are considering IVF then just get on with it. The sooner you do it the more likely it is to work. If you can afford to go private, do, because the NHS is a shit show.

They haven't found a reason what it's not happening, that doesn't mean that there is no reason. It may be something IVF can overcome but in the meantime keep trying every month and make sure you are timing it right. It's a difficult situation to be in, but you still have a decent chance of success either naturally or through IVF. We had a really hard journey to success but we did end up with 2 healthy girls, one through IVF and the second a complete surprise when we'd been told it would never happen naturally....

Have you tried Conceive Plus OP? I'm convinced this helped us. Might be worth a try for you. I was also ovulating way later in my cycle than I assumed I was. Sorry if you have already tried these things.

Thanks for all the messages. Maybe I will get the ball rolling with soome consultations.

@Ladybaga I've tried that and pre seed and every ovulation kit under the sun!