Chances at our ages?

[ilikepurpleforests]

I'm 37 and DP is 45, nearly 46.

We've deliberated this for the past 3 years, now I think we are going to start trying, but I'm scared to get our hopes up.

I'm so blessed to have an 18 year old and me and DP are blessed to have a 15 year old together, so we did have success, but we were 21 and 30 back then!

Other factors -

I have/had PCOS, I'm not sure. I have excess facial hair and I used to have irregular cycles and high androgens was confirmed by blood test when I was mid 20s, but cycles seem to have evened out in my 30s possibly due to better nutrition. I had an ultrasound 2 years ago and no cysts mentioned. My sister also has PCOS and endo and I possibly also have endo but have not went for tests.

I have had a couple of miscarriages when much younger. Also 2 x C Sections and I cramp a lot throughout cycle.

I guess I'm looking for success stories when you are late 30s and partner over 45. I see plenty of both late 30s, but I'm worried about my age plus his age, the risks due to both older father and older mother. I'm also thinking maybe we've left it too late and I'll regret not trying before. I'm a bit alone with the feelings as DP seems to think it will happen easily and everything will be fine.

You are 37 and 45, not 100. Your partners age isn’t that important to be honest. Men can have children well into their 70s. Even 80s!

Sure, there is a decline in the quality of our eggs as we hit 35+ but it’s not like the edge of a cliff. It happens gradually. A friend of mine had her first baby at 33, second at 37 and third at 39. All natural. The age gap between #2 and #3 is 21 months.

Of course, everybody is different and there are various other factors in play but strictly speaking about age, 37 is not too old.

My ex’s sister conceived at 41 and her husband was 49 at the time so there is hope.

Dont stress yourself out about it - that’s the worst thing you can do. Goodluck! 🙂

PS

Just occurred to me that my aunt and uncle at 42/46. My cousin is now 21.

I had my first (and only) child at 42, partner was 50. At 41, I had a miscarriage so conceived again within a few months. Before contraception, women had babies well into their 40s so you have plenty of cause for optimism, OP.

Thanks @Lulu89x and @IdaGlossop

Actually, my grandmother was born when her mother was 45 and her father was well into his 50s, but that does seem more rare nowadays.

Thank you for the positive stories. 😊😊. It's what I needed. I need to be less anxious. I have been reading about male over 45 takes 5 times as long, higher risk of miscarriage, and combined with the age of my eggs, and getting really discouraged, and it's put me off even trying. DP finally said lets try a couple of weeks ago, it was day 16 of my cycle (29-32 days usually), and I actually chickened out for some reason! Even though I want another baby, and I've been bugging him for years. wtf. I think I am scared of it 'failing' and ttc negatively impacting our relationship, especially me being resentful he wasn't ready until now. We are very close now with the kids getting older and getting their own lives, we do a lot together and I think I'm worried about if we fail to conceive affecting it.

It's strange actually to be considering it, our DC was born when we were 21 and 30, and I already had a 3 year old, and now we are 37 and 45 it just seems like we are completely different people than we were then. I started getting broody again a few years ago but I think covid put a stop and a pause to it for me, and then suddenly I felt older and DC older, and DP wasn't keen until recently, and now I am wondering if it will not work and we will regret not trying earlier.

I wish I could just relax and go with the flow, but that's not me. I need to accept that life has thrown what it has thrown at us and that's just how it is.

I had DD at 18 and DS at 21 and although I am full of love and pride, and I realise how absolutely blessed I am to have had them, I feel like I was a child myself back then, I made mistakes, and I would love the chance to experience motherhood again. Just don't know if I've left it too late.

I was 43 and my DH was 49 when our only DC was born. We’d been together for about 15 years before we even gave the prospect of having a child a second thought.

I don't consider 37 to be old at all, that's probably pretty average where I'm from.

I had DD1 at 37, conceived 2nd cycle, and now 24 weeks pregnant with DD2 at 42

I had my kids at 41 and 43, DH was 45 and 47. I had no health issues and was very regular.

I had dd when I was 41
Had my mirena removed one month and conceived immediately the following month
At the time dd like you was 18 , 15 and DD 10
They are 32, 29, 21 and 14 now
The age gap makes absolutely no difference my 4 dc are incredibly close
In fact dd14 we popped on the train to London again this weekend to stay with DD 32/ husband and our new granddaughter . She's besotted.
I will say though I'm not as patient and do t feel I've "given" as much me time being older
I'm a different person on my 50,s to my 20,s and def have less patience
Good luck and hope all goes well for you

Hopping on to say 46 is not old at all for dh!
We had dc1 at 24(just turned) and 53 (him)
Dc2 at 26 and 56(just turned)
With a couple of miscarriages between and the latest miscarriage at ages 31 and 61.
I think the age impacts us females fertility wise more than men, but you've still got plenty of time left in it for both of you

Wow, exciting! I was in my 40s for both mine so you’re a wee lass to me