TTC with husband who already has kids

[TinyTraveller]

My husband has two lovely boys who are 12 and 10. When we first met, I asked whether he would be up for having more children as I knew the relationship was a non-starter if the answer was no. He said yes and that he loves children.

Fast forward 7 years and we’re married, and have been TTC for over 18months. I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS and we’re having to go through many fertility check ups, medicine etc.

My husband is super chilled about having kids. For him, he’s just happy to go along with whatever I want as he already has kids of his own.

It’s making this, already painful journey, even more isolating. I feel like I’m going through all of these emotions on my own and it’s only really me driving this forward. This month was my first month of ovulating and we’ve barely had sex. I feel so overwhelmed and just feel like pausing the whole process.

Does anyone have a similar scenario or any advice they could offer please?

Try to sit with him and explain your feelings. It's a joint project, you should go through that together. You've gone through a lot already, you need the support, but he might not know until you tell him what you need from him.

Agree with PP, and I had similar. When I sat down with him he said he really really wanted it but didn't want to put more pressure on and didn't want to get his own hopes up. He is in general more of a let's see what happens kind of person!

I think you have to accept he’s happy to have another child but isn’t really that arsed about it
all the talking in the world won’t change that
work with what you’ve got
but he’s never going to be as focused on it as you

Studies show that men generally want kids much less than their female partners. It's something they do to obtain and sustain the relationship.