14 cycles ttc - feel a bit hopeless

[1986kid]

Hi everyone. I've been trying to conceive for the last 14 cycles and not a hint of a bfp. Have regular cycles and I've already had blood work, scans and hsg, all seemingly quite good for my age. Thyroid and all the extras were checked too. DH has had SA and while not optimal in all areas the doctors aren't at all concerned. I'm already referred to fertility clinic and am due back next month where they said they may look at IUI or clomid to start. As far as I'm aware I'm already ovulating, why prescribe clomid? Dr said progesterone levels indicated ovulation was happening (it was over 30) but he'd like to see that number higher. Will clomid help this? At this stage I'll take anything he tells me to either way. He also mentioned I need to lose weight which I am slowly but I'm a size 12 not exactly carrying stones of extra weight, would that really have a big impact? Dont smoke and only drink maybe once every couple of months. I did mention I have excess hair on my chin thighs and tummy but he made no response to this, just shrugged. Opks seem to find my peak and period is regular. I'm 38 and I'm starting to get really upset with each passing cycle. I appreciate other people will have been trying for years and I hope I don't sound insensitive

I’m sorry OP, it is so hard and TTC totally takes over your life, it is really difficult.

Clomid can still be helpful even if you are already ovulating, it increases chance of pregnancy as it increases the number of eggs released so they call it “super ovulation” I think.

Losing weight if you are overweight does also increase your chances, even a small weight loss can improve fertility.

Good luck, I’ve got everything crossed for you x

@1986kid sending lots of love your way
Our 1st took 19 cycles (me normal, low morphology). I found the whole process incredibly frustrating and upsetting.
Whilst I don't have much wisdom to pass on - take medical advice and try not to be too hard on yourself.
I always tried to have things to look forwards to, and I would treat myself when period came - whether it was a coffee with my best friend, a new pair of shoes, a facial etc etc
Wishing you all the best!xx

you don’t mention how often you’re actually having sex

Thank you all for responding. I'm not sure why I even wrote it all out, frustration I suppose. It's just so lonely and yes it does take over your life. We have a nice trip planned next week and I think we both need it. Hopefully the next visit to the clinic gives us some sort of plan of action and maybe some much needed hope.

I think we're definitely having enough sex. At a minimum every second day from end of period to about four days past ovulation. And we dont just do it over fertile period. We've tried everyday, every second day, three days in a row all the things you read to try. so I don't think the issue is we're missing it and we also try to find the balance of not doing it too much.

Thank you @FinallyPregnant2022

Did you manage it without intervention after 19 cycles if you don't mind me asking? I find once I get over the first couple of days of my period I'm OK and just eager to try again but it's getting so hard and deep down I'm just really afraid and worried I suppose

@Mrsttcno1 I really hope they leave me try clomid next month, I just want to feel like we're being proactive instead of watching the months fly by and be no closer to where we want to be

Have you tried only dtd during the fertile period? Not from the end of your last cycle.

Is there anything else you've tried? And are you using any lubricants or anything like that?

You mention your weight and alcohol and smoking staus but what about your partner?

Hiya @RebelliousStarrChild
No we've just started once period is gone. Is there something about only during fertile window? My cycle is only 25 days and my luteal phase is 14 days exactly so i ovulate on the early side of my cycle.
Yeah I've tried the preseed and the other gel, can't remember what it's called, I've got it at the moment actually. My husband doesn't smoke not a big drinker maybe a few beers every few weeks and he's a healthy weight.
Maybe it is just me and I have to ramp up the weight loss as the Dr said

You didn't say what specifically wasn't great about his analysis, if it's that the number of healthy sperm isn't very high but more borderline or they aren't super healthy so not living as long then I would try sticking to the fertile days only just to see if it increases the amount of healthy sperm available at the right time.

Sorry to ask but are you 'finishing' after he does? This can also make a big difference.

Generally getting more healthy and taking a multi vitamin will be good for both of you and should up your chances.

Very best of luck to you both though. Try not to stress too much just yet, there is every chance it will be happening for you very soon.

Hi OP

Our situations quite literally sound the same, though I am TTC number 2 (on cycle 16 now). DC1 concieved cycle 1.

I've had all the same tests as you. My husband's SA was all good, morphology is 5% so just above the 'normal' threshold. He started on procieve around a month ago.

I have also been prescribed clomid even though I ovulate (confirmed via scan and my day 21 progesterone was 32). I haven't taken clomid yet as I've read a lot about the side effects. Can I ask what your day 21 progesterone was?

It's his sperm concentration was on the lower side of normal but the motility etc was all good so that brought up the overall sperm count, hope I'm making sense. I read about this and I do "finish" but not all the time to be honest. Sex whilst ttc is not the one sometimes 🥴
We're both on supplements and just trying to be good citizens in general it's all getting a bit tedious tbh but we persevere and we are both absolutely on the same page so hopefully as you say it will happen soon 🤞

Hi @Fairy0708
My husband is on proxceed. That's what the clinic recommended. Hopefully it's having some effect but who knows at this stage.
I can't remember exactly but my levels were 31 point something. I think 31.8.
If I get prescribed clomid I'll take it but maybe I'm speaking out of desperation at this stage. I have read about the side effects too though. Are you going to get a second opinion about the clomid?

@1986kid
We did! My husband's morphology ranged between 2-3% we implemented changes: vitamins, oranges, walnuts & brazil nuts, cut down on alcohol, cut down on baths and cycling (I have absolutely no idea whether any of it made a difference). We had just been referred for IVF on the NHS when I found out I was pregnant!

So 100% there is hope - I totally get how you're feeling (we are now in cycle 10 of trying for nunber 2) it is draining and tiring and I think the worst thing for me is the unknown......if someone told me it would take 19 months etc etc I would just get on with my life but the unknown consumes me!

Sending you love and luck - hope you get your BFP soon!

Totally understand believe me.
I would definitely try to orgasm every time after he does, even if you have to help yourself along or use a toy. The contractions help the sperm get to where they need to be.
And from the description of his analysis I would definitely make sure to stick to twice a day the fertile days only and no masterbation for him until you've past the fertile window.

Ah that's interesting about the progesterone, I did wonder if mine was too low?

I'm not sure about the clomid. I don't want to tamper with my biology if things appear fine if that makes sense, I'm trying to just hope that for whatever reason it's taking a while! Have they offered you any monitoring when you take it? I think that's my main hesitation, as I already have a child there is (understandably) little the NHS will do.

That's so great to hear, gives me hope. You must have been thrilled and shocked all at once.And I know exactly what you mean about the unknown. You've described it perfectly. I feel like I'm living a half life and I'm so up and down. One minute thinking there's no real reason why this can't be our month and then the next minute thinking what's the point it won't work anyway. It's tough staying positive month on month but here we are.

Loads of luck to you too love ❤️ hopefully Christmas brings us all a nice suprise x

Maybe like pp mentioned clomid helps to strengthen ovulation. They haven't even really discussed it with me yet, just said at our next meeting we'd look at clomid and maybe IUI with it. I want to try all these things to be honest. I'm very apprehensive about how I'll cope with it mentally though if we're in for months of disappointment. I'm not coping well at the moment, so emotional all the time. But I have to tell myself what if it works 🤞 x

Day 1 of this new cycle so we'll try a new strategy this month no doubt 🧐 I just hate that the stress of the situation has made what should be an exciting time so regimented and just taken any element of suprise out of it if that makes sense

Try to fight against that in anyway you possibly can, the sex may be scheduled but you can still try to find ways to make it fun and exciting and sexy again.
Also if you have been testing regularly then you could take a little break from that part of things just to relieve the presssure of the situation. Stress will be the most likely reason its not happening if the doctors can't find anything specifically wrong.

Have you tried Proxeed? It's a male supplement for soerm health I got it on Amazon recommended by urologist dr Ramsay and it worked for us within six weeks.

Op I just fell pregnant after 20 months of active ttc and 9 years of not using artificial contraception. I had just been referred to the fertility clinic. I am 32 years old though.

All I can say is that it happened just after I was made redundant (but got a pay out of nearly 10k and also had a good emergency fund) and my DH and I also decided in the same month to go NC with a toxic family member we were previously seeing quite a lot of. And this sounds awful but dh's 94 year old grandpa died last month (leukaemia and was bed bound eventually) but for many months dh and I were involved in his care and would visit every week. He passed on peacefully.

I think stress plays a huge part. We had lots going on- care responsibilities, toxic family, stressful work and then in the span of one month it was lifted (and I immediately fell pregnant) but we still had our finances in order plus we own our flat so there was a measure of security there. In the many years before we were always stressed- married young and rented in Europe plus stressed about visas and very little money plus also lived for years with in laws to save. And then we bought our flat but we also had stressful jobs.

I also think stress plays a part. I conceived on cycle 19, no fertility issues identified in initial investigations for either of us. Had just finished renovating our house and it was the month before our first appointment at the fertility clinic, so we decided not to track but to just DTD every other day for 12 days after my period had finished. Made sure to 'finish' after DH and sit with my legs in the air as usual though! Best of luck, it's really all consuming but fingers crossed your time is soon, assistance or no assistance!