TTC but husband feels under pressure

[BecksStory]

TTC number 2 for a while now and I have been getting more and more stressed about it as the months go by.

I am 36, have PCOS, and a high BMI (32) however I am working on lowering this. I track ovulation (not always easy with PCOS) and check my bbt every morning so I feel like I am doing as much as I can for us to conceive - losing weight, pinpointing ovulation, supplements etc. We have both had all the relevant tests and no reason why it shouldn't happen for us.

The problem is when we do identify my fertile stage, husband feels very under pressure and it is affecting his performance. And then I just can't help but feel gutted that that's another month gone. I feel awful for him, and I know he feels bad. I am struggling because every day I feel such sadness that we haven't given our son a sibling yet. I haven't told my husband how I am feeling as I don't want to add extra pressure but I just feel so alone then with no one to talk to. I'm staring at yet another negative test, which was expected as we only managed to dtd once 3 days before ovulation, and I feel so upset.

Is this normal? Does he need to speak to a doctor? Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice welcome.

Is there any issue when you’re just DTD for fun? If not, just don’t tell him when your fertile time is. Keep him in the dark?

I agree. Just have regular fun sex and not make it about conception and he is more likely to respond. Don't tell him any dates or talk about getting pregnant, just enjoy yourselves. The stress you are putting both of you under makes conception less likely. I know all that is easiest said than done but I have a few friends who were about to start fertility treatment and had given up trying naturally, and feel pregnant before treatment even started( just because they had relaxed and given up on natural conception by then)

I was just about to say the same as PP. don't tell him when you're fertile if it's stressing him out. Just go wild and have fun. Enjoy the sex and actually there's a chance if he's relaxed and having fun everything else will relax and it will happen. Xxxx

I don’t tell BF I do the LH tests, and he is so unaware of ovulation peaks and timeframes so I just put it on him more 😂😂😂😂 . Xx

All goes fine outside of fertile stage, which is adding to my upset then when it does happen.

I do not outwardly state "we need to dtd I'm ovulating" as I try really hard not to add extra pressure, but he is well aware of my cycle due to the time spent ttc. Also, outside of the fertile stage we would dtd once, sometimes twice a week, whereas during the lead up ovulation we would try every other day, and try to make sure to get ovulation day, so the increase is obvious.

I understand the need to relax etc, however I am struggling at the moment with increasing levels of resentment, and I feel so horrible about. I also feel very fake and tired of lying to him when pretending I am not upset when I am.

Have you considered taking dtd out of the equation and trying a form of home insemination? It takes the pressure off DH to perform on demand (ish) and means you can ensure that you're hitting the right dates. Not the most romantic but it's efficient.

Both my DDs were conceived this way with a pot and a syringe as DH couldnt finish under the pressure of DTD.

I didn't even realise this was a thing? I have never heard of anyone doing it before.

It does sound like it would suit us. Have just had a google and can see that you can get kits for it online. Very intrigued. Not sure how husband would feel about it, but I think he would be relieved to take the pressure off.

don't tell him or let him know where you are in your cycle. obviously this would be deceptive if he wasn't aware you wanted a baby but if he is on board just do not tell him and have regular sex ☺️ takes the pressure off xx