36, TTC for #1 - how can I stay sane?

[KitCat9]

Hello,

Just joined, this is my first post! 😊so nice to join the MN community.

I recently turned 36 and am TTC for #1 with my SO (46). Came off the pill in March (after nearly 20 years on it!) and just starting my 7th cycle with no joy yet. It's taken a while for my periods to stabilise - I've only started getting red blood, clots etc in the last few months, and they still last longer than they should (10ish days).

I know that this is all pretty normal and I need to be more patient, but I still can't help feeling depressed every time my period arrives. I find myself trawling the Internet for reassurance (terrible idea) and negatively obsessing over all the 'could-be's' that might be affecting things, like my age or the chlamydia infection I had in my early 30s (which I got sorted as soon as I got diagnosed).

I know relaxing and trying not to stress is important, but hooooow is that possible? It's such a rollercoaster each month... I'd love to know, how do you guys stay sane?

When we were trying for my daughter last year honestly I just kept myself as busy as possible, and we had made a plan that every month we had something planned for when period would be due whether it was a meal out, bowling, spa night, massage, night away etc, just something that we could look forward to so that even when we didn’t get the result we were hoping for we had something to take our minds off it. It isn’t a magic cure, but it was nice to know either way we had a nice day/evening planned together.

What also helped me was knowing and accepting that the chance was about 20% each cycle even with all timed perfectly, do what you can during ovulation but once that is over just try to forget about it for the next 2 weeks, there’d nothing you can do to change the result during that time and so there’s no sense dwelling on it every day that passes.

Good luck OP! X

I get it OP, it’s so hard. I’ve been TTC for 15 months, with 2 losses in that time. I have felt very down recently when AF showed again.
As PP said, distraction for me is key. I try & make as many plans as I can. Even if I’m working at home for a day, I’ll go out for a walk at lunch to distract myself while listening to a podcast.
It’s very easy for it to consume you, and worry about everything. I think it’s pretty impossible to not let it, which is why I just try keep busy. Wishing you lots of luck

I'm 36 and currently 7 weeks pregnant for the first time, it took us 9 months which was 10 cycles (short cycles) to conceive. I found a study at one point that looked at how long it took for fertility to return after coming off long term contraception and that found that it took at least 9 months for most women which I wish I'd known before scheduling my implant removal!

Honestly it's so easy to drive yourself crazy but you've just got to keep on going as normal and not overthink it. Don't think about ideal due dates and make sure you book things that you want to be able to look forward to. There's also good evidence for the benefit of acupuncture, I started going for sessions in August and it was really nice to take an hour every couple of weeks to completely chill out.

Hello, I’m also ttc baby #1 . It’s only cycle 3 here but already feel like I’m going crazy. It’s honestly ALL I can think about 24/7 and the disappointment each month is really tough. It’s the one thing in life I have no control over and I’m really struggling with that. I also work with families so feel that I’m surrounded by children in my family and at work which is a constant reminder! Trying to keep busy and using headspace for meditation support. 🥰

My opinion - and its just that ,
Is that anyone whos over 35
And has been ttc for 6 months or more -
Could / should consider getting your tubes flushed

( i wish id gone for tube flush much earlier )

Hello! I’m 38 and I’ve recently come off the pill so that my husband and I can try for our first baby. I can relate the your need for advice to stay calm as it can be totally life consuming. It’s lovely to read everyone’s tips on this thread. Take care.

Thanks so much everyone - feel a little better to know it's not just me :) will have to keep my diary nice and full over the coming months!

That's such a great idea - nabbing it 😄and yeah, the 20% thing does help too - it's so funny that we all spend our younger years thinking it's the easiest thing ever to get pregnant! Thanks for the advice x

Good luck OP.

I had my first at 37 (conceived at 36) and am now almost 42 and pregnant with our second.

Sending baby dust your way