How important is regular sex when ttc?

[SunnyPinkMouse]

My partner and I are trying to conceive later in life; I’m 39 and he is 50. Not only is my age against me but my partner is having ED. As such we only have sex once a month on or around the day of ovulation. We have tried a few times and no joy so far. I’d love to ttc more often but my beloved partner has his struggles. I don’t want to pressure him because it makes it more stressful for him and then that makes a difficult situation worse.
Ideally, should we be ttc more regularly and if so any tips to help him?? Thanks

Technically it only takes 1 to conceive so it is possible to conceive successfully even if you dtd once

do you use ovulation strips to see when you’re about to ovulate?

If you are able to track your cycles with ovulation strips and BBT then it’d help you pinpoint your peak just before ovulation which may help you time DTD.

Would at home insemination kits help?

We conceived DD at 40 and 45, when we could only have very infrequent sex (1-2 times a month) and these weren’t specifically connected to ovulation just whenever we were in the same place at the same time and not too knackered. DH was away at the time due to a number of factors (work and a house build).
Quite how we have her I’ve no idea!

So long as you're very sure your one try is timed correctly then it could work but personally I'd not be happy with that amount as I don't feel you're giving yourself the best shot. If you mistime it even by a day or so you'll be out without a chance.

I agree with a PP to try home insemination.

I TTC when I was 41, approaching it the same as you: monthly around ovulation and using ovulation strips but getting negative results for five months. Thought I was infertile so went for a month's monitoring at a fertility clinic. Results came back fine and was recommended to TTC every few days and not just around ovulation (I am irregular). I remember keeping a diary of what I was doing, every test strip, every ovulation strip test, etc., I would stick into my diary, ... and then I got my BFP the next month.

I think in your situation I would seek help. I'm not an expert but once a month doesn't exactly maximise your chances of conceiving.

Encourage your partner to go to the GP about his ED?

Try at home insemination with a syringe if that's easier?

I'm certainly no expert but I think your chances of conceiving are greatly reduced by not having regular sex.
I think your husband needs to visit his GP and get some expert advice on the ED.

Have you discussed these concerns with your husband? What does he say? Is he keen for a family also?

My DD was conceived after DTD once in that fertile period. We were TTC after loss and I would have much preferred to have done more but my DH suffered an injury (really weren't doing anything crazy!) so we couldn't DTD again within the FP.

I'm currently pregnant and it's due to DH not wearing a condom once in August 😂 I wanted another ASAP so told him I wouldn't prompt him to wear them anymore. One is all it takes!

Ovulation sticks are your friend here. I conceived first month of trying at 38 whilst using them.

I'd say you need to be having sex every 2 days in your ovulation window. I.e. if you ovulate on the 20th, I'd be having sex on the 16th, 18th, 20th, and 22nd. Ovulation sticks are quite accurate but your body can ovulate later/earlier.

I am currently pregnant and ovulated on a Saturday so we had sex the week leading up to it, and a couple of days afterwards as well.

Really helpful. Thank you all for your tips, comments and reassurance.
we use CB digital ovulation sticks. This FP I was using the 4 day CB ovulation sticks and had flashing smiley faces for 2 days after one empty smiley. Then I ran out and the shop only had the 2 most fertile day CB digital tests which I bought but it proceeded to give me empty smileys for the next 3 days. We still DTD on my predicted ovulation day anyway so fingers crossed. Just feeling a little confused and worried about the empty smileys

Sometimes the pressure of ttc can also affect men. Everytime I ovulated my other half seemed to have difficulty.
I'm 39 next month. Have had one natural pregnancy end of 2023 (miscarriage)
We struggled for many years, and all of a sudden We did it one time during ovulation and i was pregnant.
Other months it was every other day and nothing happened. 🤷‍♀️
i just gave birth to my first child via ivf over the summer.

Would definitely suggest your partner sees their GP - my partner takes tadalafil, only half a tablet every few days and that really helps. It's not like Viagra - you don't get an erection unless you're already aroused and there are limited side effects.

I would aim for the day before ovulation if you can - but the challenge with once (sorry I know this is stating the obvious) is that you are really reliant on knowing when you ovulated and that can be tricky.

Depending on how keen you are you could try at home insemination or something like fertilily?