Male Alcohol consumption and birth defects?

[October2024]

My partner and I are thinking of starting TTC this month. I have coincidentally been off alcohol for most of the last year due to health issues that have now resolved. I have also been taking steps to make the right changes including adding more exercise, eating better (although admittedly not always managing it), reducing stress, taking vitamins and generally looking after my health. I wouldn't say I'm nailing it but I'm moving in the right direction.

My partner started a new role at work recently and has been going through a stressful time which is contributing to him making bad food choices and not exercising. He's also drinking more than usual because he's stressed. In addition his new role requires a certain level of socialising and business over drinks which has meant he is going out for drinks after work more than he would of done in the past (albeit it's still fairly easy going - maybe one evening once every couple of weeks).

I personally am not a big fan of alcohol. I don't enjoy drinking it particularly and have found myself becoming a little judgemental of the way he still enjoys a drink. I've tried to reign it in and not be on my high horse about it because I appreciate we are different people and that's the thing he enjoys (mine is sugar). So fairs fair. He doesn't tend to drink in the week unless he has a work thing. If we are at home on our own or a weekend he might have 3 or 4 drinks of an evening (usually cider) or a few drams of whiskey. If we are out with friends at a party he will probably drink more.

Since researching into TTC I can see there is a link starting to emerge between males who drink when TTC and birth defects - particularly heart defects. My partner has a heart condition and I am conscious we may already be carrying a genetic link.

Now I've seen this study and others on birth defects, I feel like I can't unsee it. I feel a responsibility to our future child to insist my partner stops drinking whilst we TTC and to delay trying for 2 months to reset everything. I am concerned that if anything were to happen if he had not stopped drinking I would feel that I would blame him for it, even if that were not reasonable.

Is it acceptable to insist my partner stops drinking otherwise I am not going to try for a baby with him? Or am I overthinking it all? Should I just let it go and hope for the best?

Ps I will say that my partner is amazing and usually we are on the same page about everything. I have broached the topic with him before about this and he has acknowledged it but ultimately not changed his behaviour. I think this one may be difficult to come to an agreement on even though he will likely acknowledge it is something he should do, mainly due to the expectation / judgement he will get from others and the fact he feels unable to socialise in those settings without drinking, plus let's be honest, he enjoys it and sees it as a stress reliever like 99% of the population.

I think that you are overthinking this. In the Western world most babies are probably conceived by men who may well have been drinking.

As pp said - if drinking caused birth defects most of the western world esp UK would have disabled children. And work drinking - all the children of heavy drinking professions - banking, police, lawyers, consultants etc - would have birth defects. Are you sure you're not just resentful he's socialising and doing something you don't enjoy? Do you take time to socialise with your own friends or do hobbies or are you home alone a bit bored when he's out? The negativity you feel towards his drinking or his work will affect you (and your ability to conceive) more than it will a baby, and also affect your marriage. As long as he's not drinking every night or as a coping mechanism to get through life, social drinking with work is perfectly normal. Women do it too and still conceive healthy babies.

We went a bit OTT with the health kick when trying to conceive and both cut out alcohol and caffeine so I don't judge you for feeling this way. But I agree with the above posters that it can't be a massive link as so many babies are conceived with alcohol involved and have done since alcohol was readily available in communities.

I would be careful about him using alcohol as a stress reliever of an evening. That isn't going to be doable with a baby in the house. A heavy sleeper after alcohol isn't going to get up in the night to help with the baby, plus the extra dangers when co sleeping (which few people think they will end up doing but sleep deprivation makes you desperate).

Best to sort that habit out now before having a baby.

If you really fancy terrifying yourself about parental health and consequences for conception read the Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes. Not the whole thing, though its a great read, just the last chapter.

Thanks. I'm inclined to agree with you all that I'm overthinking it and it will probably be fine. That is where I had got to recently but I think because my partner has a heart condition and I see how it effects him directly, it's sad to think that we could increase the risk of passing this to our child and so it plays on my mind. I feel like we are being irresponsible for not considering it or taking extra precautions to ensure he or she has the best start possible in life.

@renoleno I wouldn't say I'm resentful of his drinking from a social point of view, although I did stop and double check myself when I read your post just to make sure. I have a social life and do things I enjoy. I don't feel I wait at home for him to come back and a lot of the drinking he does is with me or around me (Ie at home or at parties with our joint friends). As I put in my OP his work drinks also aren't really that frequent so I don't feel it really impacts on our life that much.

To be honest I don't really have any real issues with him drinking or going out with work outside of us TTC. If it were completely up to me I would prefer we both didn't drink whilst TTC just so that we had peace of mind that we did everything we could to minimise the chances of preventing a heart defect.

@Sajacas to be honest this is probably the kind of thing I need to see, as I definitely consume too much sugar and will then probably see, come on, it's not just alcohol that's a potential risk and let's me honest, I'd struggle to entirely give up sugar....albeit I have been cutting down for the purposes of TTC.

I know you can overthink these things and maybe it's just the case here but it's the 'what if' that I struggle with I think.

I also think there is a part of me that may be slightly resentful because I have been quite careful to work on improving my health and fitness to get ready for TTC but I don't see the same commitment from my partner, even though he is very keen to have children (more so than me - although I do want them too). As I've kind of put in my first post, I'm not so worried about not being able to get pregnant, as if it doesn't happen then I can say, look we need to change things. It's more about I feel like I'm being careful to try and ensure the health of our future child and he's going the opposite way and I have no say or input in that even though an unhealthy baby would directly effect us both I'm sure in a negative way.

I think that whilst making healthy changes is a good idea (regardless of TTC) I think telling him he has to be teetotal is fairly extreme. However, asking him to keep within the recommended amounts isn't a big problem.

It seems OTT to worry about birth defects honestly. Most men in the UK consume some alcohol.

I say this as a sober person; I think you need to remember you can only make changes for yourself, your sobriety is yours alone.