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Conception

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Is it selfish to keep ttc?

1 reply

Tryingmomma32 · 12/10/2024 20:24

For abit of background.. I have DD 7 years old with my ex and have been trying with current DH for the past 4 years. In that time I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics (currently recovering from the 2nd) ... I feel guilty on DD as I have had a couple of hospital stays and feel like ttc has taken its toll on me and DH emotionally.. However, DD is always asking for a sibling and I would love for us to have one more child... is it selfish to keep trying knowing the risk of another miscarriage is so likely?

OP posts:
MocktailMe · 12/10/2024 22:54

I wouldn't say it's selfish, but I do think it's important to balance the needs of yourself and your existing child with the desire for another.

As much as she would like a sibling I am sure that she also wants a healthy mum, and one that isn't suffering so much heartbreak too. I have a friend whose mum went through similar, and as a child it upset her that (to her childlike mind) she wasn't 'enough' - she does see it differently now, though!

I think if I was you I would be setting a fixed end date where I would no longer TTC. You don't want to spend her entire childhood on this IMO, and that's actually for you as much as her - this can't be an easy thing to go through.

I think because I'm struggling TTC number 1, in my mind I think if I had one child I wouldn't be willing to keep putting myself through this pain. It's the fear of never being a mother and the desire to be one that keeps me going. I think if I'm lucky enough for one then I will try for a second, but with a set end time. Wheras the end point for me TTC number 1 wil be either when I have a baby, or a doctor tells me there is literally zero chance. Until that point, I'm in.

For a very hypothetical number two I don't think I could bear to have such a black and white approach. I think I'd likely give myself a time limit and a certain amount of things to try, and once that was up I'd accept I was one and done.

But, it's a very personal choice. Only you know how much toll this is taking and whether you have the energy to continue.

I wish you the very best whatever you decide.

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